Luminous Nights

VIII. Deep in Thought

It was late and the unpredictable spring weather had turned sour while Corwin and I were in the restaurant. It was pouring down rain, with some light thunder. I usually love rainy nights, but tonight I definitely didn't. Logan and I sat down in his car, soaking wet from the rain. I was quivering not only from being cold, but also because of the nerves I felt. Logan started the car so it would begin to heat up for us. "Tch..." Logan cursed under his breath and shook his head, then turned to look at me. I couldn't make eye contact with him, too fearful to do so. "So, was that prick actually just a classmate, or is there shit you're not tellin' me?" He sneered. My heart began racing, as I attempted to make eye contact. When Logan gets in his moods, things tend to get bad, very fast.

Taking a deep breath, I made an effort to speak up. "Logan, I swear he's just a friendly classmate, that's all. How could you even think that I would ever cheat on you? We've been together for over three years now. At least have some trust in me!" He looked down at me with no emotion. He then grabbed me by my jaw, squeezing tightly enough to feel pain where he dug his fingertips in. I must've said too much this time and made it worse. This is all my fault; I shouldn't have gone out tonight. "Hey, hey, don't be scared babe. All that I'm going to tell you is to watch yourself. Now, you can still hang around your friend in there, but I will find out if he's laid his hands on you; and if he does, I may just have to hurt him." He let go of my jaw, and stared at me blankly, his green eyes widened, still no emotion behind them. "We wouldn't want that now, would we?" He turned to sit straight and put the car into drive.

This wasn't the first time Logan has been forceful with me; he has a few times already, over various reasons. He used to not act this way when we first graduated high school, but as time went on, he began to change. He went from being the charismatic football player I fell in love with, to a completely different person. I don't understand what changed in him; maybe just the stress of taking over his dad's business? We went from spending every free moment together, to barely seeing each other. Maybe this is just normal relationship problems that most couples go through? We made it back to my apartment and he followed me inside. We didn't speak to each other the rest of the car ride back, so I don't even understand why he came inside with me. Prince was sitting by the door waiting, as per usual. I walked to the kitchen and knelt down to feed him his dinner. "There you go Princey, enjoy." I whispered to him and pet his fluffy back. I stood back up and felt large hands slide down onto my hips. "Babe, I'm sorry about earlier. Maybe I overreacted about the whole situation. Will you forgive me?" He whispered into my ear, tickling the back of my neck. "I'd do anything for you, you know that baby." A slight feeling of disgust still sat in the pit of my stomach for some reason. This happens every time we get into a fight--he begs me for my forgiveness and makes me feel bad for him. Then, I feel obligated to make him feel better by taking him to bed with me, which is exactly what happened tonight. The sex used to be more exciting a couple of years ago but when he changed, things just didn't feel the same. It used to be filled with more love and passion, but now he won't even look at me. I almost feel like it's more of a job to please him than it is for both of our enjoyment.

It had been a few days since the restaurant incident, and the weekend had approached. The rest of the week I had kept to myself and avoided all social situations. I even took off a day from school and work, just to recharge after what happened. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and noticed how pale I had become; I had some pretty dark circles under my eyes as well. My arm had also lightly bruised from where Logan had grabbed it while he was tugging me around everywhere that night. It's not that big of a deal, I'll just cover up with a light jacket. Besides, I bruise pretty easily anyways, so that's not really Logan's fault. Right? I opened my bedroom window and felt the warm, spring air on my face, and breathed it in. I looked down at Prince, whom was sitting in the windowsill also enjoying the fresh air. "I think I'll go for a relaxing jog today. What do you think Princey?" He looked up at me and meowed, as if in agreement. I slid on a pair of athletic leggings, a tank top with a light jacket, stepped into my shoes and went out the door.