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4. A Diary Entry

Next day
In the morning she called her parents, she was a little embarrassed when her parents asked about her health she said, "Fine". After that, she went for breakfast, as she was having a habit of diary entry she went to her table after breakfast for writing a diary entry. She started writing -
"
Dear Diary
Why me? Why is this all? If there's nothing going to happen between us then why we met? That time when I first saw him, I think it was just a little crush and I'll forget him but the reality is I'm fallen for him, I had been falling for him, every single day, every single time. Well I don't mind about that, I was trying to forget him anyhow and I know I'd be able to do that if this disease doesn't come! But why this disease? Why we met again? This is not what I've wanted, I know I wanted to be with him and see him but it's not my thought that every day going to bed feeling less and having sex. No! This isn't what I've wanted. That would be better if we haven't met again. I know when this sex and all stuff is a part of the relationship but we're not in any relationship nor we're having anything that type what's this then? Why this? Why we're living together? And even if we're living together even if it is just for someday and I've been totally addicted to him, his family, and this place. After some days I'm not going to stay here anymore. Every night we get into bed and have sex, what is it meant for? Does it really mean anything? It's not hurtful, sometimes may be pleasurable for a moment but it just gives heartache. Where's love exist here? Well, I love my parents I wanna meet them but what type of teaching we should get in childhood that you're a girl, you're going to go to another family, it's not your family. But how can I go to another family this is the family which family I've loved and this is the person whom I love and this is the place where I want to be !! I could no longer think of living without these people. Dr. had said this illness has the chance of getting stopped if we repeatedly do it for one month, I feel like this illness won't stop and I'll stay here only but I just don't want to stay here for sex! I don't know what to do. Sometimes it just feels like going away and to get hide in someplace rather than being here for no reason! I will not be able to forget him, he was the addiction of my mind and heart and now he is becoming an addiction to my eyes because of this, my sick body too.
Every day things are making me more anxious I miss my parents and my five years old little brother too but somehow I've accepted his parents as my own because of these days' bonding, laughter, and living together. Sometimes I've thought in my mind what if my all fears will come true? How would I stay? I don't know how to be strong when things are just falling apart ."
Tears were falling down from her eyes, some pages got wet from her tears. While writing suddenly her eyes went towards the clock it was 12:50 pm and their lunchtime is at 1:00 pm so she rush to the washroom and washed her face she forgot to keep her diary and it was left on the table.