Oath Breaker

March 3, 2022.

Ryan was normally quiet and either he was in his bunk or hiding somewhere in the greenhouse. Vaughn tells me he's tried to connect with him several times, reaching out man to man but with no success. I know he's only making things harder for himself but maybe he's just scared of facing this situation or getting close to anyone when we don't know if we're all here to stay. I honestly just crave having a group of friends my age but he seems so emotionally closed off that I'm afraid talking to him will only make myself an enemy out of the annoyance I provide. I can admit Abigail and I have spoke about him together. Anytime I show interest, she gets uncomfortable. 

Today though, Ryan was bartering with Vaughn before he retreats back into any private nook he likes. I noticed he had chipped black nail polish on and a poorly done tattoo on his left forearm of a corpse raised slightly from a coffin. I put myself so close to this boy so that he absolutely could not ignore me. When their deal was made, he did a timid smile and looked at me briefly from the corner of his eyes before starting to walk off. I motioned to Abigail to follow me because I fully intended to see just what he gets up to and maybe get him more familiar to everyone else. As we took his lead, I could hear him laugh to himself from the bottom of his stomach. He didn't acknowledge us until he got to his destination where he then sat on the floor in a corner with belongings we didn't know he had. 

"I knew this would happen eventually, someone following me, but I didn't think Abi would be part of it. I think you're a bad example for her.", he told me as he adjusted himself comfortably.

"You know how weird it looks though surely? As if you have a secret or we're all just not good enough for you."

Abigail stayed frozen, not saying a single word as he and I bantered back and forth. We laughed a lot but you could tell his mind was not on what was in front of him. At times, you'd have to repeat yourself or get his attention all over again because he would stare at seemingly nothing and get so distracted he'd not engage with you. He was friendly, just aloof and a bit lost. I didn't mind having to put it work to learn about him. There was not a lot to do here anyway and I could pick him up like a book and read for hours at a time. When I told Abigail this she told me to watch myself for papercuts and that was the most sass I have ever heard from her. 

Watch myself for papercuts? From a boy with a stick and poke tattoo and poor concentration skills? I thought of myself as someone who could pick up on red flags and I was not someone who could be swayed with charisma. I was from a household where gaslighting was a skill you mastered from observation and I could know someone's intentions after one conversation. She made me promise that I would not get too close and I did so she would quiet down. She wouldn't tell me why she thinks he's so dangerous so I went to the one person in here who has dirt on absolutely everyone: Stella. She was Vaughn's girlfriend who was clearly high maintenence and made secrets her trade. Vaughn raised saplings, she raised hell. 

When I went to her, trying to act pretty nonchalant so she wouldn't know how interested I actually am-- she immediately caught on. She spoke mostly with her hands and had a flair for the dramatic. She widened her eyes at the topic but the corners of her lips showed me she was happy to get to the nitty gritty. 

"Information like this, you'd think I'd deserve something in return especially if it's useful to you. Don't you think, Em?", she started to look at her nails as they were freshly painted a rose pink color. I could hear Vaughn sigh loudly, even he had his limit with her. I took a lip gloss from my jean pockets and grabbed her hand with a strong grip, placing it inside. She seemed offended by my touch but squealed with joy when she realized what it was. 

"So here's the thing, all of us had a stroke of bad luck to be placed here. You--you ran away and that's how you ended up here. Ryan was in a mental hospital or facility, something of the sort, and his aunt signed him out of there. Don't know his deal, it doesn't take long to know that he zones out a lot but for the most part he seemed normal. Abigail has to welcome everyone and repeat psalms to them, God is her love language. We know this about her, we love her to death and we appreciate the gesture. Ryan, however, reacted pretty strongly and started screaming that he isn't sick. Next thing you know, Abi is beaten pretty bad to the point The Oath took her out of the greenhouse. It's sad really. He isolated after the fact, I think he was afraid of hurting anyone else."

I meditated on this for a while, comparing this version of him to the withdrawn boy I met not too long ago. Even his words were soft and he didn't seem to have a pinch of violence in him. I tried to remind myself that mental illness was complicated and I didn't have the full story either. Just this summary from Stella and this response from Abigail. I didn't dare tell her that I went to get dirt from Stella because she clearly didn't want me to know about what happened. I was left with more questions than answers so just being alone with her made me have this itch to say something or rat myself out. 

Later in the day, when I was braiding Abigail's hair near our bunks, we saw him come back out of hiding, holding his journal. He looked at us and placed the journal in a wall container at the entrance of the greenhouse. We knew that this meant it was absolutely full and sometime soon The Oath would scoop him up. When he turned back around to head to his corner, he must have realized that it was not just us staring at him. We all take a lot of interest in the journals because that means something new will be given to someone which could be traded later. When he left, Stella got up and brushed off her outfit before retrieving the journal. Vaughn was not surprised by this because apparently she has done this many times before. Having information that accessible is the biggest safety breach and that's her job. Secrets.

I'm eating myself alive being so curious. All night, I saw a flashlight being used to read his journal and when she finished, she sprinted to put it back in the container so it could be viewed by The Oath. I couldn't sleep even when the light was out, tossing and turning so much that I gave Abigail whiplash below me. When I was certain she was back asleep and so was everyone else, I quietly walked back to the entrance and reached for the journal. That was when a new light went on, revealing the presence of The Oath at the securely locked door. We stared one another down. 

He started messing with the intercom system on the outside, alerting everyone else of his arrival. As everyone frantically woke up, he watched smiling behind the glass proud of himself.

"Hello, everyone. It is not custom for me to check in on everyone in this improper way but it seems your little rat here needed some attention. So let me clarify some things, you are all being monitored. Cameras are rolling 24/7 and I know what happens at all times. It does not bother me that you're nosy, Stella included, it bothers me that when it's time for me to get to work you have to intervene. If the lights are off, you're to be in bed. Understood?"

I back away from the door, stunned and afraid. He relishes at the silence from everyone. Everything he needs is on the outside so the container, though open to us, has a lock on the other end. He enters a code before taking the journal out slowly and waving it towards me, shaming me as if I'm a dog. Going back to the intercom, he grins and announces that Ryan and I both would be seen tomorrow day and for me to prepare something for viewing. I would not be getting any sleep tonight.