With Kurt and Andre
Kurt: Now, you remember how to do a 5-point turn, right?
Andre: Yeah.
Kurt: Parallel park?
Andre: Yeah, yeah.
Kurt: Hey, don't "yeah, yeah" me, dumbass .You're precious cargo. Now, if you mess around and get yourself killed, I'm gonna have to kill you.
Andre: Look, Dad, I'm ready for this, all right?
Wiley: You're late. Hello, McKenzie.
Kurt: Hey, Wiley, how you feeling?
Wiley: Oh, just 2 years of this. And I still only have 40% feeling in my body. Otherwise, I'm fine.
Kurt: No, Rihanna's fine. You just teach driver's ed. Get her done, son! And remember everything we talked about! Defensive driving! Stop at all yellows! Obey the laws! *Backs out into on coming traffic* Look out! Be safe! Don't do what I just did!
With Marcus and Braden
Marcus: Hey, officers, you guys want to stick around and have a drink with me, hang out a little bit?
Fluzoo: You're afraid of us leaving you alone with your son, aren't you?
Marcus: My son... Are you kidding me? I don't care...
Braden: Boo!
Marcus: He's got a knife!
With Eric
Mrs. L: That sounds dangerous. How far was the drop?
Eric: Just 35 feet.
Mrs. L: Who do you think you are, Tarzan?
Eric: It's no big deal.
Sally: Honey?
Eric: Hi, Sally. Hi, honey. I... No, I just came to see if Mommy was alive. And looking now, she's breathing, she's good. Hi. What are you doing here?
Sally: I was bringing your mother a new fan for the summer.
Eric: That's good.
Sally: You said you couldn't get coffee with me because you had a 3:30 appointment with a Mr. Renaldo.
Tv: Hello, ladies! You! Can't be! We killed you. Last week. You actually think two amateurish nitwits could kill The Great Renaldo?
Eric: I told you.
Mrs. L: You did. You called it.
With Lenny and Roxanne
Lenny: So the legs not really broken
Dr.: No, it is broken, right here.
Lenny: Just a hairline fracture, though.
Dr.: No, it's a clean break.
Lenny: Slight, though.
Dr.: Slight? No. It's broken.
Lenny: Broken-broken or just broken?
Dr.: It's a broken leg. What was once one bone is now two half-bones.
Lenny: Right. Is there anything you can do about my wife staring at me?
Dr.: No, I'm not a psychiatrist.
Lenny: So you're saying my wife is crazy?
Dr.: No, no. I was joking.
Lenny: Like you were when you said his leg is broken.
Dr.: Look, your son is going to be wearing that cast the entire summer. If you don't mind, I haven't slept in 68 hours.
Lenny: So you're a little loopy from lack of sleep, and that really isn't my son's bone. That's a piece of celery you snapped.
Roxanne: Lenny! The leg is broken! You can't undo this, and you lied to me, so you're gonna pay for it.
Lenny: Doctor, wouldn't it be nice if there was a cure for anger?
Dr.: There is. It's called Jack Daniel's.
Lenny: Another one of your jokes, huh?
Dr.: *takes out a flask* I wish. *Drinks*
With Andre and Wiley
Wiley: Okay, the light is red now, so just remain stopped.
Frat guy: Scully, is that you? Scully! Hey, what's up, fellas?
Frat guy 2: Are you taking your driver's test drunk?
Andre: Yeah, I'm MC Hammered!
Andy: Hey, Scully, Scully. Have you seen those old townies from the quarry today?
Andre: No, I can't say I did. Why?
Frat guy: They disrespected our frat house! Man, they disrespected the crap out of it!
Andre: Oh, no, can't have that.
They throw a beer to "Scully"
Andy: It's not for you, Scully. It's for that freak in the hat next to you. Looks like he needs it.
Wiley: Taking your driver's test while intoxicated? Minus 5 points.
With Mama Ronzoni
Mama: This is ridiculous! I've wasted an entire day waiting for this idiot to show up.
Deanne: Did you tell him your son-in-law works for the cable company?
Mama: A fat lot of good being related to that bozo would do me. I'm gonna run to the bathroom. Love to the children.
Kurt sees mama Ronzoni get up and go into the bathroom so he quickly gets out of his car, puts a sign on her door, rings the door bell then runs back to his car driving away
Mama: Damn it, I just sat down. I'll be right out there! Hang on! I'm coming as quick as I can. I got bunions, damn it! No! No! You burn in hell! You cable-installing mother...Oh, damn it!
