A Shameful Confession.
That's what I'm going to tell you. I have a very dishonorable secret.A secret that I could never imagine true.This is naturally felt.A fruit of so much anger I think.Tipong galit na pinipilit mong itago pero pilit pa din itong kumakawala.
I kept on telling myself that It's not going to happen.But it happened anyway.Wala kong magawa.Wala kong maalalang way kung pano makawala.
She has been hurting me ,mmm no! Us ,since we we're a child until now.
physically.
mentally.
There's one person in this world that I hate the most.I hate her.My Heart is miserable with Grief and so much madness because of her.
I hate my mother.You're free to judge me.We are all judgemental being.We can't just accept things and yet We seek for approval.We always look for what's wrong and what's not good about others.We always find it easy to say that things are just the way it is but we can't accept our own personal problems deeply in our heart. Bakit ganun? Kailangan pa natin patunayan ang sarili natin bago tayo tanggapin ng iba?
At bakit ba pilit natin itinatanong ang mga bagay na hindi din natin alam kung may sagot ba.
Bakit kahit alam natin sa sarili natin ang tama at mali .Mas nakikinig pa din tayo sa iba.Kasi probably tama ang sinasabi nila? Dahil ba somehow alam nating may hindi tayo makita sa sarili natin.Dahil ba kapamilya natin sila at alam nating mas kilala nila tayo kesa sino man.O dahil wala lang din tayong tiwala kahit sa sarili natin.?
Wala daw akong kwenta.
Tanga.
Palamunin.
Walang silbi sa mundo.
Walang magandang nagawa.
Matalino lang pero walang diskarte.
Hinding hindi ako makakaraos sa buhay.
Masagasaan ka sana habang ninanamnam mo sweldo mo.
Mamatay na sana kayo ng mga kaibigan mong demonyo.
Dahil sa kanila kaya ka ganyan.
puru ka kalandian.
Mag-asawa ka nalang para lumayas ka na dito.
Wala kasing kwenta mga kaibigan mo kaya ganyan ka din.
Bayaran mo lahat ng pinalamon ko sayo!palamunin ka.
Lumayas ka na dito .Ma rape ka sana dun sa kanto.
Mas gusto ko pa tulungan ibang tao kesa sayo.
Simula ngayon hindi na kita anak.
at ang pinaka nagpatulo ng aking luha ay nung sinabi niyang hindi niya alam kung bakit pa ko nabuhay sa mundo.
Kung bakit pa ba niya ko naging anak.
Kung pinipili lang ang anak..
Hindi ikaw ang pipiliin ko.
Akala mo ba ikaw ang pipiliin kong maging ina?
Hindi ka ba nakakagawa ng mali?
Kung hindi,bakit maaga ka nag-asawa?
Bakit hanggang ngayon hindi mo maipagmalaki ang buhay na mayroon ka.
Bakit hanggang ngayon pinagsisisihan mong naging asawa mo ang tatay.
Hindi ko maintindihan ang nanay ko.Galit na galit siya kapag may pagkakamali kami.Kaunti man ito o hindi.
Sinubukan kong intindihin lahat dahil ito ang itinuturo sakin ng mga kaibigan ko.Madalas naman ay payo din ito sa TV.
Maraming beses na akong lumayas.
Oo,pinapalayas pa din ako sa edad kong ito.Ang akala ko nung sobrang bata ko pa lang pag tumanda na ko eh hindi na ko bubugbugin.Ewan ko pero nasanay na lang din ako sa sitwasyon.Maging kapitbahay namin ay sanay na sanay akong pagtinginang umiiyak sa labas ng bahay papalayo.
Wala kong mapuntahan.
Madalas nag1 2 3 ako sa jeep.
May mga oras na naglakakad ako hanggang sa malayo at uuwi ng hatinggabi nang nakasakay sa jeep.Wala akong tsinelas buhat na din ng pagmamadali sa pagtakbo.Sanay na ko sa ganito.Hindi na ko nakokonsensya sa driver.Nagdadasal ako na sana hindi ako mahuli ng driver. Nagdadasal akong makauwi ng ligtas at sana ay hindi ko na maabutang gising si mama.
She's a dangerous thing for me.
She always threatens me.
She became my emotional enemy.
She is my fear.
She is like a night in my day.
She's my nightmare.
She's everything I hate for.
She's my weakness.
And yet she's my strenght.
She taught me how to be tough.
She taught me to change some imperfections.
She made me face problems everyday.
She made me so numb.
She made me endure every pain.
She made me dissolve stress in my mind .
She made me go harder than easier.
She made me fill my own mind alone with good things inspite of everything that had happened .
She made me more than what I have become.
Maybe I chose her in heaven to be my mother before I go here on Earth.
Maybe love is enough to let go every pain.
Maybe it doesn't have to be so reasonal to love someone.
Maybe love keeps no record of anything bad.
Maybe Love will naturally complete our unanswered questions.
Maybe hatred will just pour another heart with so much fear but love will fight against everything.
Maybe love is so enough to say we are ready to forgive even though we know we're tired.
For 19 years..I'm still alive.
I'm still giving and taking lessons from everybody.
And I know that The one that I hate the most will always turn up into the person I love first and foremost.
No one can prove me wrong .
What a Shameful Confession.
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written by a diamond®
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