Poems

Part 3

I can tell we're fading out 

I can tell we're breaking down

When you said you wanted to keep some distance

And then begged me to stay with you till'

You had fully made your choice

So I did

But I'm tired of being treated like an object

I'm quiet, sure, but I still have a conscience.

Even if I've lost all emotions

Stop acting like I am just a necklace.

Just a piece of jewelry to throw on and look pretty

Then discard when you've had enough.

I have issues too

It's not just you.

The difference is when I break down,

It's not as obvious as you.

I pull away from everyone I ever knew,

And then hope that the world will fade away.

But I am not a toy.

I am not a dog.

I am not an object.

I only obey due to the fear of being left because, suddenly, I have opinions.

I was born without a choice,

But I'm done with your voice,

So if you don't want me now,

Let me go. Just leave me.

You can't tell I'm struggling 

Or maybe you just don't care

You asked him if he was fine

But ignored my vacant stare.

I've been replaced.

Just like the one before me.

You replace the old with something new and shiny.

I should probably warn her.

Before it's too late.

A faker, a hater, self observed with your needs.

It's foolish that I love you still.

I suppose it is in my self destructive nature.

But now I have gone to far and begin to fade away.

You don't see how I break

All the money that I waste.

The ache in my legs from overworking.

But I push through like nothings wrong.

My obsessive organization,

Because while I'm broken I must be fixing.

Cleaning the things around me to appear less broken.

All the food that I ignore,

Even more  that I purge.

The fingers down my throat, punishing.

But you don't see.

The lashes on my skin,

How I've begun to ghost my friends,

Because talking is so exhausting.

Faking every smile, every laugh, is so damn exhausting.

But I must be a pretty good actor since no one has seen.

But I'm falling into bad habits once again.

Ones I tried to end years ago, and I though were gone for good.

But the voice is back.

At least now I am not lonely.

If only he would stop punishing me.

Why can't you just end it all?

If you like them, and you do, I can see, stop dragging me along!

Go ahead and have the time of your life with them.

Stop telling me that you love me when it's a lie!

I would leave if I were strong enough.

If I didn't love you as much.

But it's impossible.

I will make this as easy as possible though.

You deserve the best.

You deserve the world, and I am just not that.

I am tired of having to fuel conversations through texts when you just ignore them.

When you end it without contributing.

You are so selfish, always taking.

Maybe that's what I love about you.

I don't have the confidence to do such a thing.

But I ask how you are and you reply honestly.

You expect me to be your therapist and don't care about how I am doing.

To be fair, if you asked I would have lied.

Just put a simple "I'm fine"

But you don't care.

That much is clear.

But I made a promise that I wouldn't leave you, so I won't.

Though I am sure you will leave me.

Maybe I was being played.

Probably. I mean, who could love me?

Maybe you were spilling  my secrets to everyone you know, laughing behind my back.

At this point, I am so tired of caring.

And I can't anymore.

Go ahead and laugh at me.

Go ahead and hate on me.

Get with the people you actually like.

I will be here, supporting you, despite all the pain.

For it is how I was raised. I love you fiercely, and I will go out easily.

I hope your mind is in a better place.

If I could take everything that is hurting you and put it onto me, I would.

I love you till the end,

Whether my life or the worlds.