| The dare | Joonas Porko

No regrets

"Where do you want me to put this?" I ask Esme. The day had come and she's moving in with Olli. I promised I would help her move but now I regret it. I would rather watch Netflix right now. I think Esme and Olli set this up, since Joonas is helping Olli and Esme too. Atleast I don't have to be with these lovebirds by myself.

"You can just put it somewhere over there." Esme makes a gesture against the living room where Olli and Joonas are standing. I walk over there and put down the heavy box.
"Are you guys helping at all?" I ask them.
"It seems like you can handle it." Joonas grins at me.
"You're just too lazy." I say.
Olli smiles. "He's just jealous that it isn't going well for him in his love life."
Joonas let's out a sigh. "Fine I'll help you."
I give him a sweet smile and then he follows me out to the moving truck.
"Why did I agree on this?" Joonas mumbles.
"I wonder that too." I smile a little.

When the moving is done Esme and Olli offer us dinner to thank us for the help. Me and Joonas are both starving so we gladly answer yes.
"Here you go." Olli puts a saucepan with pasta and tomato sauce on the table.
"Thank you." I'm still trying to be polite even though the hunger is making me easily irritated.

It's already late and I'm starting too feeling a bit unsocial.
"Would you guys like to sleep here tonight?" Esme asks us. I shake my head and so does Joonas.
"It's the first night you officially live in the same house. You should celebrate that." Joonas grins and winks.
"Just leave already." Olli laughs.
When the door closed behind us we start laughing. "They are so gonna do it." I say.
"Yeah obviously." Joonas chuckles. Then there's a awkward silence between us.
"I don't wanna go home yet." I say. I know that a dark and lonely apartment waits for me.
"I wasn't planning too." Joonas smiles. "I guess we have to figure out something to do."
I nod. "But what?"
"I have an idea." Joonas smiles cutely. I lift my eyebrow. "What do you have planned, Porko?"

Joonas places a blanket on the floor of his apartment. He lays down and taps on the space beside him. I lay down and stare up at the roof.
"Well this is interesting." I mumble.
"You didn't come up with anything better." Joonas says. I look at him and we make eye contact.
"Anyway." Joonas says and stares up at the ceiling. "What are you doing for Christmas?"
Christmas. I've forgot it's in almost a week. Of course I've noticed all the sparkling christmas decorations, but god, people start decorating in November.
"Probably nothing. What about you?"
"I think I'm gonna visit my parents." He answers. I nod. Why was I hoping he wouldn't have any plans either so we could do something together.
"Thank you for forgiving me Izzy. It means a lot." Now Joonas is looking straight into my eyes. "I wish we could be together."
I don't know what to say. I want to be with him. Every feeling I have ever felt about him has come back. But what if he plays me again? What if I can't trust him.
"I wish that too." I say. "But I don't know how I can trust you."
Joonas blinks a few times. "I can't do anything. But I promise, I'm crazy about you Izzy. I want you."
I feel my whole face getting red. "Was this the reason we came here..?" I ask. Joonas nods a bit. I can't help but smile a little.
"Do you promise I can trust you?" I ask.
"I promise Izzy." I haven't seen Joonas this serious ever.
I bite my lip. "Fuck this shit." I say and cup Joonas face in my hands. I kiss him. I know I'm stupid. It has only been a few weeks since we broke up. But I miss him. And now I realise I've been missing to kiss him. Joonas puts his hands around my waist and pull me closer. I hug him.
"This is the most stupid decision I have every made." I mumble into his chest. I can hear his heart beating. "Does this mean we're dating?" He asks. I giggle. "Not so fast. Let's see how this feels first."
I hear Joonas sighing. He twirls my hair around his finger.
Will I regret this?

"Guys we have something to tell you." Joonas and I are standing infront of everyone. "We're back together." I say. They look confused and they have the right to be. "I still have feelings for Joonas after everything he did." I explain.
"Well you're not that innocent either." Joonas smiles and hugs me.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Esme asks. Joonas releases me and I walk out from the room after Esme.
"Are you sure about this?" She asks. "I mean I trust Joonas but is this the best option?"
I tilt my head to the side. "What would be a better option?" I ask. "And I'm not sure. But I feel like he isn't lying."
Esme sighs. "Izzy think. You're a good-looking, smart girl, and there's someone who has bit of a crush on you."
What is she talking about? "What do you mean?"
She gives herself a facepalm. "Are you completely dumb? Aleksi of course."
No. That can't be right. "But why, that kiss didn't mean anything." I say.
"Of course not for you. But for him Izzy, for him it meant something."
"So you're saying I should leave Joonas to be with Aleksi?"
Esme shakes her head. "No, I'm just saying that you should think about all your options before you make a decision."
But I already know. I'll choose Joonas.
I'll always choose him. Because after all he did, I still love him.