Wish You Back - Han Jisung

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Author's Note: Listen to the song while reading for a better experience :)

"You were the main character in the movie called ME."

Darkness loomed around the city that night. It was pouring, just how you hated it. You hated rainy days, they only made even your happiest days depressing. And you didn't need more sadness today.

Walking along the crowded streets of Seoul, your mind kept wandering back to him, to those harsh words you both exchanged just minutes ago. It broke your heart all again, you just wanted to fall onto the streets and cry your heart out. But you couldn't, because you knew that if you did, you'd already be running back to him.

Holding back your tears and yourself, you finally reached home. You shut the door to your apartment and slid down until you reached the floor. You thought back to the break up that happened just now.

*30 minutes ago*

You are at Han's, waiting for him to reach home. It was just another day of waiting for him to come back from work. You and Han have been together for 4 years and 3 months now. But these last 3 months didn't seem like those other 4 years. Something has changed, and you've been sensing it. Han returns home every night pretty late, you don't get to spend a lot of time with him anymore, he is always caught up with work and producing. And recently, everything has just been harder, with Stray Kids having their comeback in a few weeks. You've always seemed to cope up and adjust to these stressful phases, but this time it's different, he's different.

As if in cue, the door beeps open, letting you know that Han is here.

"Babe, I'm home." He calls out to you.

"Hey" you say as he walks up to give you a kiss. You brush him away.

Han seems confused. "Is everything alright?" He asks, concerned.

"Jisung, we need to talk." That was enough to signal him that the situation has turned serious.

"What's up, babe?" He asks.

"It can't be going on like this. I barely even get to see you nowadays. I understand that work is pretty time consuming right now, but you also need to think about me. I reach home at 6pm every day and just keep waiting for you till midnight, or even later some days." All that you've bottled up inside you for the last 3 months comes rushing up to the surface.

"I'm sorry babe, but work has been pretty demanding right now. You also know that our comeback is right around the corner. But I promise, everything will be over soon. We'll get through this." Han speaks, putting a hand on your shoulder. His touch was always so comforting, but you just can't seem to calm down tonight.

"Jisung, I'm afraid this won't work out, we won't work out." Those words were enough for him to pull back from you. Saying those words out loud even breaks your heart.

"What? Just a small hiccup, and you're already breaking up?" Han asks, mad.

"It's not just these past 3 months. I've been hiding this from you for a few years now. Ever since Stray Kids earned fame in Korea and internationally, you've been so busy with world tours, comebacks, producing and performing songs. I feel like we're falling apart in between all this. I think it's better to stop it here, than let the frustration drag any longer." You turn away from him, hiding away the tears that were already welling up in your eyes. You know what you're doing, this means that you'll never again be able to see each other again, let alone live together. You'll miss his touch, his smell, the way his eyes crinkle up when he laughs, the way his hair falls down on his face. But you tell yourself that it's for the better, even though your heart doesn't seem to believe it.

"But didn't you know that you had to endure this if you decided to date an idol? Y/N, we talked about this. We both decided on this." Han talks, approaching you from behind.

"It just all seems too much now. I don't even know how I endured all these for 4 years. All I know is that, I can't keep doing this anymore." You speak, increasing the distance between you both.

"So that's it? 4 years of our love down the drain for nothing? I thought our love was stronger than this." Han spits out of anger.

"For nothing? All this is just nothing to you?" You finally turn back to face him. "This nothing shows how important I am to you. This nothing makes me feel insecure about us. This nothing has made me lonely for these past days. And it's all just nothing to you." You scoff, fighting back your tears.

"You know what, Y/N? It's been hard for me too. Juggling between work and relationship is also putting a toll on me. To be honest, if you weren't in my life right now, it'd be pretty great, and I would've had more time for myself to relax rather than having this conversation with you." Han keeps spilling out those hurtful words one after the other. But he immediately realized, what a grave mistake that was. It's his habit to always talk nonsense when he gets mad, things that he never means.

"Y/N, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You know how I ----"

"Let's break up, Han. It's clear that we both have other matters at hand. This might be better for us." With that and a broken heart, you turn on your heel to leave home. But he grabs onto your wrist.

"No, Y/N. Please don't leave me. You know, I didn't mean that. You know me, babe. Come on, this is just a small fight. Let's work this out. Please don't go."

But you can't take his words seriously anymore, he has hurt you too much for that. "Don't make this any harder than it already is, Jisung." You turn to face him, your face all teary and your eyes red. "Just know that I love you and will always do. You'll always have a place in my heart." You touch his cheek one last time, before letting him go. You storm out of the room.

*Han's POV*

"No......no....... no" you whisper to yourself as you see Y/N walk out of your home, the one that you both built together with beautiful memories. You flop down onto the couch, scolding yourself for ruining the situation.

"It's all because of me. Why did I even say those stuff?" You feel like you just lost a piece of your own. You feel lost. You feel empty. You can't live without her.

Distressed, you walk up to your in built Studio. You decide to keep yourself busy with work, hoping to distract yourself from what just happened.

You keep fiddling with your guitar, thinking back to the argument you just had. You had to vent out your sadness, your regret, your pain. You pick up a pen and a paper.

You were my story
Your word comes to my mind endlessly
Just by being able to look at it
Like a photo that will be engraved deeply in my heart
I'll gather my memories one by one
And cherish them in my heart
Your scent became the wind and flew far away
I'll remember it forever...

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