Resurgence of Kohl

2. The Wheel Reversed

"Do you want a second chance?" The voice questioned me. It was serene as if some ethereal fairy descended upon my dreams, like some lullaby her words sung to me but the weight it held was something that can't be ignored.

'Do I want a second chance?' I queried myself. 'Do I want to relive the same pain?'

As if hearing my problem, the voice continued, "You would retain your memories to avoid your previous mistakes."

"Why are you helping me?" I croaked, my voice was hardly heard by my ears.

Silence prevailed, no answer was articulated and suddenly I started feeling like being sucked out of the void I was floating in.

"Rajkumari." I heard another voice, this time, I could flutter open my eyes with all the strength I had, and a ray of light stuck to them making me scrunch my brows and lids. My muscles were sore, my hands felt tired and my throat felt parched; sans any moisture.

A pair of soft velvety hands nudged me, trying to wake me from my stance but it was futile as I felt no energy left in me, my vision was too blurry to register the face of the person who was trying to wake me up.

"Someone call Vaidhya Ji!" Though the voice reverberated in my ears, I could still notice the urgency laced in them and it felt familiar to me. Somehow, my conscience asked me to stay away from the person, as if there was something malicious behind them. I wanted to snap away from her arms from her hold, push her away from my side but- Alas, I was helpless yet again; my body was just too sore.

I don't know how long it took but a pair of rough hands suddenly grabbed my veins to check my pulse; the silver hair was enough to make me discern that the new person was Vaidhya Ji. My eyes fluttered a little, asking for help- begging for help. It felt like vines creeping onto me every time and the burns of flame were there, fresh as ever. The relaxation that I received in the void was no more.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity to me, I heard Vaidhya Ji say, "The fever of Rajkumari has surged. She needs to be treated urgently."

'Fever?' I furrowed my brows in confusion. I don't remember contacting fever before or after the stab. 'Was the void-'

I quickly suppressed my thoughts, it is unlikely for the voice to make it happen. How can one get a rebirth with the memory intact? It is not some fairytale that my life would be turned without some price associated with it.

I mused a little more over the fact but was stopped by the darkness creeping up to my senses. It was draining me slowly.

Again, I lost the track of time and the void sucked onto me. I was asleep for a long time, floating into the dark space.

When I woke up, I registered someone sobbing beside me; a sob that I thought to be lost- the sob of my mother.

'She is alive?' I almost exclaimed, I remember the arrow piercing her heart and that look of despondency, disappointment within her eyes; they were haunting.

I hurriedly opened my eyes. There she was, decked in lush red saree that had golden Dori work present at the border embroidered with pearls and several precious stones. Not to say further, despite her sorrow of seeing me in such condition she held the crown of being the empress quite aptly; the crown that I mistook to be her apathy in my last life- I failed to notice the smeared kohl of her eyes or the redness present in them after holding several tears for long.

My last life...

Thinking about it feels like ants crawling up my skin. My mistakes were numerous and it feels like a mirage to be in my current situation but my healed wounds with just a sore body and the younger self of my mother said it all. The only question that remains is, why am I bestowed with such a great gift? What is the reason behind such benevolence that the wheel of time-reversed itself? I know not.

Apart from it, the other thing that bothered me was the year I landed on, is it around the time I am getting married to Urjit? If yes, then I would make sure to crush away every snake coming in my way this time. I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth just by the mere thought of that person; more like my rage burst open at my inability to counter his sophistry despite sharing a bed with him.

"Putri..." The soft voice of my mother called out for me breaking my stance. Slowly, through the veil of my lashes I looked at her, my shoulder shivered just a bit; the apprehension of seeing the same disappointment in her eyes swirled with anticipation to hug her and cry within her embrace. 

Finally disregarding all the ambiguity in my mind, I shifted closer to her. My hands quivered while reaching out to her but somehow I mustered the courage, ignoring the obvious confusion in her eyes by my sudden change of approach. 

'Why am I acting like this? Why can't I stop this shaking hand?' I chided myself in my mind but the heart was already doing its work. There was a loss of control, tears slithered down my cheeks but I continued.

"Ma," I whispered, "I am sorry."

With much courage, I mumbled out the words. It felt relaxing but the shiver continued; there was no answer. I couldn't blame her for she has yet to know the reason but like some hollow apology, I just completed my duty forth her. I was the one to be blamed for what happened in the ceremony, my hands were painted with the blood of my loved ones because my eyes were blinded by a poisonous shroud of love.

"Why putri?" She queried and this time it was my turn of silence. Tears continuously drizzled down my cheek but no answer was articulated by the tongue. What to tell her? I was the reason behind her death? Won't I be deemed a lunatic with just a statement as such?

Nibbling my lower lips, I intervened my fingers to hers, it felt like a dream come true; like some stranded traveler of desert getting a drop of water on his lips- not exactly quenching the thirst but facilitating him with just a whisp of hope.

"Putri are you alright?" She asked hurriedly placing her back of the palm on my head. 

"Someone call the Vaidhya Ji again." She ordered, her voice held worry; the one every mother has for their child- the one I had for my Bhumi, Bhumija.

Tearfully remembering my lost one in this game of time, I shook my head but clenched my hands further around hers. 

'Will I ever get my daughter back?' I mused and the answer was there forth me, 'Only time could tell what this reversed wheel has stored for me in its folds.'

With this thought the world around me started to swirl again, the weariness started to shroud me into its fleece and my eyes started drooping.

Darkness embraced me again and I was asleep in my mother's arm; clinging like a baby to her bosoms while mourning for my daughter.

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Vaidhya- doctor

Putri- daughter

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