𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗣𝗘𝗡𝗧'𝗦 𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗗 ( yuta okkotsu )

𝗢𝗡𝗘.

“back off.”

it feels like a stand-off, a cold war of a thousand blizzards declared between two opposing armies. yuta hates that [name] only shows emotions within his eyes and can now confirm that he is staring directly into two twin hellfires, hellbent on impending doom.

a once heather shade, so vacant and yet glorious, crucified by the existence of penetrable hatred and anger; harbinger lurking within the secluded darkness. [name] hates that yuta’s face can muster up multiple emotions and display them ever so easily; a visage once so pure and elegant can only reflect the anger of the ocean.

fraying lines of his features can hold the anger of a thousand blood thirsty men, but his warpaint is the rapid beating of his heart; the sadness that dulls out the colour. neither can tell what is worst, staring into the hellholes of a hound crafted by hell, or staring into the abyss of demon threatening to drown you.

“you always do this, even when i tell you not to!”

“yeah, well, quit acting like a bitch and i wouldn’t have to.”

raven crowned youth bares teeth, fraying lines of ample porcelain crumbling to the destruction of annoyance and misguided anger. he couldn’t tell who he was angrier at – yuta or himself, but regardless, he was angry. boy with the greyed halo reels back, like an animal, he’ll bare his own teeth, epidermis wrinkling around the tip of his nose as features reflect the annoyance dancing through him; threading through him like a plague.

“you’ll get yourself hurt!”

“now you’re beginning to sound like my mother.”

“mm, well maybe that’s what you need.”

had it have been someone else, anyone else, [name] might have lashed out to assert his position above them, but this isn’t just anyone else, it isn’t just someone else that [name] can dismiss with little matter nor feeling; this was yuta. perhaps, the closest person that [name] had to actually calling a brother. he steals back a breath, as does yuta, but unlike [name], yuta’s face is solidified by emotion, anger mixed with worry.

hurt trailing through him, but anger conquered. [name’s] emotion was shown through the whirlwind of calamity claiming the darkness of his eyes, and also the stern gaze that he prayed was almost enough for yuta to leave him alone.

there comes a silence after that, minus the heated exchange of breaths, frustration and pent up anger caught amongst chests that rattle with words they dread to speak towards the other, frame stiffened to the point of defiance, both have come to know the body language well of the other.

yuta had found that [name] tended to ball up his hands, long and slender digits crafting half crescent profanities across porcelain crevices, he’d do this until he felt the sting, and then he’d unclench them, and then continue, and if you paid close enough attention of his face; you could tell that he was clenching his back teeth.

yuta, on the other hand, had adapted to presenting a flawless stare in a selfless act of intimidation. his stare was something coaxed from your deepest nightmares, the things that you liked to get away from or bury deep down within yourself, and yet, neither of yuta’s nor [name’s] antics were enough to steer the other away.

“if it bothers you so much, why don’t you just leave?”

yuta wants to muster up a response, either something that will simply diffuse the moment before either of the two are to say something they regret, or something that might just anchor [name] to his reality. he follows after him once again, tiers parting and then meeting one another as he attempts to find the words that he wishes to use; instead he is glaring pointless holes into [name’s] back, whose determined to create some distance between himself and the other.

“the hell are you being so selfish for? you do this all the time, you’re always thinking about yourself, [nickname].”

if yuta hadn’t been paying attention, then he might have just collided into his friends back. [name] had stopped abruptly at his words, visage a flurry of fury and spiteful venom, a plague gathering upon his tongue as he allows his fingers to press up into the clammy span of his palms, dull and blunt nails forking at the epidermis until it almost blisters beneath his touch.

“i get it now – why are you so annoying?!”

it feels like a kick to the stomach, and yuta feels winded, as if his lungs had suddenly collapsed in upon themselves, and he took one final gasp to try and stabilise himself. nausea boils within the pit of his stomach like a frenzy, a crawling plague spilling out over him in cold sweat and dread.

it hurt when anyone would say it, but [name] had always been the one to step in and defend him. [name] had always laughed at his jokes when others might have simply tutted and dismissed such childish behaviour. [name] listened to worries and concerns regardless of size nor matter, whilst others would dismiss it for childish fears, and now the one person, or at least, one of the few that he trusted to never think that of him, had finally said it. and, ebony crowned youth didn’t even look back or attempt to take back what he had said.

yuta swallowed back, mounds of hurt and turmoil gathering within him, becoming a heavy pill to swallow that threatens to lodge within the span of his throat. riddled by insecurity and threatened to be defeated, yuta lowered his head, loose tresses thick within his view.

he supposed that there might come a time in which [name] would tire of his antics or find the things he does to become boring, he imagined that there might have even been a time in which [name] might have said it and then attempt to take it back out of a prideful mistake – but he never assumed it would happen like this, and he certainly didn’t think that it would have hurt this much.

“[nickname]- i’m- no, i never-”

blank expression tarnish, [name’s] pride losing as he realises what he had said; façade crumbling and regret pooling his eyes. if he could have, if he could muster up enough strength to apologise, then he would have, but perhaps - perhaps, it was just safer for an apology not to be spoken?

perhaps it was safer for yuta, because he deserved someone who truly cherished his insecurities, right down to the core, not someone that was akin to a loose canon, or a predator hungered for its prey. yuta deserved better. that's why [name] made the painful decision to let him go.

“go away, yuta. it’s better for the both of us.”

____________________

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march 26, 2022