The Land Beyond | Peter Pan 2003

Chapter 10: Wendy

It takes me hours to find Peter's hideout and by the time I reach it, it's past midnight. I learned the location of the hideout from traveling to the lagoon; the hideout is nestled in the forest in the north eastern part of the island with the lagoon attached to the ocean. As I approach the hideout I see that the candles are lit from the cut-out windows of the tree but I see no further movement inside.

I reach for the front door and a flood of memories of Peter and I washes through my mind. We've spent only one real day together with the second with me being captured but already I feel so deeply for him.

Wendy....

Wendy may be his first love, and I, but a copy. A replacement.

I've had hours thinking about what Hook said - though he didn't tell me much - my brain has filled in the blanks. Every time I dwell on thinking about her and Peter, the more my heart aches and the blood rushes loudly through my ears. I feel I may pass out if I don't get somewhere to sit or lie down.

My hand is shaking by the time I touch the door, vision blurred and a lump forming in my throat that dares to suffocate me. Pushing it open I am met with three sleeping boys lying in small balls around the throne room. They must have been up late waiting for Peter and me. I am happy they don't get to witness me like this - slowly breaking into pieces the longer I try to hold myself together. Blowing out the few candles in the throne room, I make my way to the ladder and climb up to Peter's lightly lit room.

Peter is nowhere in sight.

Peter not being here pulls at my heartstrings. I want to just get this over with. I need to know who this Wendy girl is. But until then, I make my way to Peter's mossy bed and lie down. My head hits the leaves and the blurriness takes over and I feel tears roll down the sides of my face.

Why am I crying?

I blink away the tears, wiping them with my wrist as they fall. Rolling over to my side, I look out the window where I only see the dark of the sky.

How come Peter isn't back yet? Was he defeated by Hook? Did he escape? Is he looking for me?

I hope he's okay and he's making his way back home, but at the same time, I don't want him to return yet. I know I won't be able to stop myself from confronting him. I need to know the truth even if it devastates me. It all bothers me so much, how come this affects me so? I've only known Peter for a short time, yet, somehow I manage to have gained such deep feelings for him.

Was it this way for Wendy? Did she fall for Peter too? How long did it take for her? Where is she now? Why'd he or she leave the other?

The questions keep piling.

Was she human or elf? Could she fly? Was she special? To what extent did he do the same things as her, with me?

Something flashes in my peripherals and I glance to the window to see Peter walking in from on top of the branch. His eyes are full of worry, an emotion I haven't seen him express, but when he sees me the worry washes away and is replaced with a smile.

"There you are."

I sit up, throwing my legs off the side of the bed, and take a deep breath.

"Who's Wendy?"

The smile quickly wipes off his face and his round eyes soften and lips part. So, he did have feelings for her.

"I don't want to talk about her," Peter mutters so quietly, I am lucky to still hear him.

"I need to know. Did you do the same things with her that you've done with me? Am I just a copy?"

"You're not a copy!" He yells. "Why are you doing this? Weren't we having fun?"

"Who was she?" I struggle from yelling.

He doesn't reply, he just stares at me as his eyes appear to start tearing up. I fight back the urge to comfort him. I need to know who she is. Maybe that makes me selfish. Needing to know.

"Peter. You loved her, didn't you? That's why you came for me. Something happened between the two of you and you wanted to replace her. I am a replacement," the words sting me and I shudder. My heart feels like it's being squeezed like an orange. "I can't be just another girl in your heart. I need to be thee girl in your heart. I don't think that will ever happen."

A single tear rolls down his cheek. He bites his bottom lip, sucking it in and stepping back from me.

The reality of what I said, hits me like a ton of bricks.

"Peter, don't go," I reach out, regret filling every bit of my being.

He shakes his head slowly and flies out the window, bursting at top speeds and leaving me alone in the chill of the room. I run to the window, wanting to shout for him to come back, that I am sorry, that I'd shut up. But he is gone.

I back up from the window, the tears slipping from the grips of my eyes. My lips shudder and my chest feels heavy and suffocating. Why'd I have to go ruin everything? We were happy, weren't we?

My knees crumble beneath me and I fall, landing on my hands and knees. The tears keep coming, faster and faster, until I convulse. I breathe but it becomes hard, and I cough. I glance around the room, it's blurry but I can make out the bed where he and I were just laying last night. I look to the ladder that leads to the throne room. The urge to run fills me. I want to escape. To run from this pain. To get away. To never be a burden to him again.

My feet are at it before my brain can register. I slide down the ladder, leap over Pint, and rush out the door slamming it behind me. I don't look where I am going, I just let my legs take me as the tears continue to blur my vision, making my world full of dark colors with the moon barely providing any light.

I'll continue running until the island ends. I won't stop until I can no longer be found. I will lose myself to this pain and break free. Peter doesn't need me. The Lost Boys can last without me. I am not a necessity. I can't return home to the elves. They'll never accept me for who I am. I have nowhere to go. I will be lost, like the Lost Boys, just without a place to call my own.

My heart will always be yours Peter.

No matter how small and broken it may become.

I am sorry. I hope one day you'll forgive me.

I hope one day you can find the one who will be your one true love.