Cinnamon Roll (bxb)

Mother

Cleaning the bathroom wasn't something I aspired to do, even in my worst nightmares. And yet, here I was on my hands and knees, scrubbing the bathtub like a madman. If only the tub wasn't white, maybe I wouldn't have to do this so frequently. Maybe if Mother were home more, I wouldn't have to pick up the slack myself.

"Fuck," I'd yell, throwing the rag onto the ground. I'd been sat here scrubbing the same spot for a half hour, and no matter what products I used, the smudge wouldn't budge. It was stuck to the edge of the tub like a parasite, like a tick. A nuisance is what it was.

A feminine voice would ring out into the white-walled room. "Jacob?" It would say, concern evident in their tone.

I would jump, shoulders raising as the shock of being snuck up on registered. It was Mother. How long has it been since you showed your face?  Maybe if I wasn't so involved in scrubbing this spot on the tub, I would've heard her footsteps. I usually did. I mean, it was just her and I in this house.

"Jacob?" Mother would say again. I was unaware that my falsely innocent almond brown eyes were staring her down for the past couple moments. I buffered often when Mother was around, my movements more awkward than usual. Mother felt more like a stranger than a maternal figure. 

"Yeah, what's up?" I would get out of the bathtub, forgetting about the mark which I was previously dead-set on getting rid of.

"Your teacher called, think his name was Mr. Demel or something of the sort. Said you're failing and I should talk to you about it." My eyelids would lower. Who was she to suddenly start acting like a parent? She hadn't been home in a week, out with her drunkard boyfriend. I offered her no response. "Well, since you don't care, I won't either."

I try to give Mother the benefit of the doubt. She has been hurt in numerous ways I could never understand, but there was hardly any love embodying her presence when she was around me. I was more of a Nexflix subscription, paid for while you watched it a couple times a month.

"You're right that I don't care. You can go hang out with your boyfriend now that you played House with me for a bit," I scoffed. Really, who was she to suddenly be lecturing me?

"First off, Jacob, I don't have a boyfriend."  What a revelation! No wonder you're back home. "Second, I'm just here to grab some cash, but you're in here screaming." My lips would form an 'O' in realization. I'm pretty efficent in jumping to conclusions. Actually, it was a talent of mine.

"Okay, that all you need then..?" I would take note of the wad of cash in her hand. She wasn't lying, then. I knew a part of me deep down past the bitter words I sprayed wished that she was.

Mother's eyes would divert back and forth, her hand brought to the bottom of her chin. "Don't think so." That was that, then. Mother would begin walking down the hall to the front door. Her footsteps would stop. "Jacob, when was the 'For Sale' sign taken down? Did they finally give up on selling that thing?"

Since when was the sign taken down? I didn't know. I hadn't been outside in a couple days, not since school ended for the week. No one had texted the group chat, either. I figured everyone was busy doing fuck knows what. Finally, I answered her question. A simple, simple answer.

"Not sure."

I could hear shuffling. Mother was surely grabbing her black, oversized jacket. The pockets were worn out, sleeves starting to tear at the edges. For some reason, she still wore it. I recall her wearing it everyday for as long as I can remember. I never thought to ask why.

"Okay, then. Bye, Jacob."

"Bye."

The door would close, leaving the house with an unsettling white noise. It was difficult to get used to it everytime Mother left. The pure-white bathroom wasn't helping.

"God, this must be why people go crazy."