Reflection

Chapter 5

The steady stream of the shower began to lull me into something between a stupor and relaxation, but it didn't last long. As I brushed my teeth, my eyes fell on a small bowl of dried lilac petals, and it immediately transported me back to my mom's bathroom. She always had a small bowl of lilac petals sitting on the counter. She would say it was for good health. I had never seen them anywhere else, but as my stare grew stronger, my connection with my family felt oddly near and far at the same time. A sour pang soared through me as I thought of my mother telling me to run. The way the panic that clouded her voice felt so off for her. And yet, another part of me was preparing to go to a family dinner. I pictured laughter and love beneath the yellowed lighting of an old chandelier that had hung over the frequently food-laden table for generations. The thoughts were too much for me, and tears spilled over before I could stop them. They unceremoniously splattered to the counter. Then, staring at the droplets, the loneliness crept into my bones. This was me now, crying alone in a strange bathroom. I had no family, no friends, no boyfriend; I didn't even have a dentist. The memories were all I had. 

I lifted my face to gaze at my familiar reflection, but instead was met with my nightmare. My own face staring back at me haunted my every moment. In the split second before I dropped my face again, I swear I saw the wink. I threw a towel over the mirror and continued to get ready. It was my only path forward.

"Ready?" Nick asked as I joined him in the kitchen.

"As I'll ever be," I nervously smiled.

"Relax, my family can't wait to meet you," he soothed.

"As excited as they can get for a rondo that just showed up four hours ago?" I teased.

"Ah, you know. Life is better with excitement," he tossed back as we headed to the garage.

As we pulled out of the garage, I tried to soothe myself with thoughts of normalcy, but normalcy was quickly shattered.

"Do you see her?" I yelled. She was there, just feet away from me, lounging on the steps to Nick's townhouse. My heart pounded so loudly that I was sure Nick could hear it.

"See who?" His voice came annoyingly calm.

"What do you mean, who? The girl that looks just like me on your front steps," I demanded, tossing him a look. That was my mistake; I peeled my eyes from her for that split second. When my gaze returned, she was gone; she had evaporated back into the recesses of my mind.

"Are you sure you didn't just see your reflection?" Nick's voice was even, but it had a hint of tease.

"No, she was there," I demanded.

"Do you want me to turn around?" He offered, but still clearly thought I was losing my mind.

My eyes clung to the empty steps growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. "No," I murmured.

"Hey," Nick's voice was genuinely concerned now. "It's okay. No one is going to hurt you tonight. I'll make sure of it."

I didn't respond; I just continued to stare into the rearview mirror.

"Antonia," Nick began again. "Who are you running from?"

"Myself," I murmured.

Nick didn't press anymore; he simply continued to navigate the darkening streets of D.C. as the blanket of silence spread between us.

"Are you up for this?" He asked as the car lurched to a halt in front of a brownstone.

"Yeah, it will help me get my mind off from..."

"You?" Nick asked as an eyebrow rose.

I sighed. "Yeah, something like that. I promise I'm not crazy," I offered.