boystory oneshots (bxb)

Our Caves Collapsing - HanRui

pairing- hanrui
genre- angst, no happy ending

falling out of love was the one thing gou mingrui never wanted to experience. never in his whole life. but he'd quickly come to find that falling out of love with someone you dont know if you've ever loved is so much worse.

he remembered when they met; they were so young. he was friends with mingruis older brother. he was so infatuated with the elder. hanyu was handsome, kind, smart. he was a dream to mingrui. he watched from afar for so long, looking at him and his brother from around the corner, asking to watch movies or play games with them. he wanted to be close to hanyu.

but he didnt get far. not when his brother and hanyus friendship died out, and mingrui saw him less and less.

not until he met hanyu two years later at school. mingruis innocent feelings came back running at full speed, and hit harder than they did when they first met. for the first time, hanyu was really talking to him. he treated him as a friend, not as an add-on to his other friend. he treated mingrui so kindly, he'd play with the boys hair, invite him to sit together at school, help the boy with his homework.

and for once mingrui felt that someone loved him. not as a mother would her child, or a brother would his sibling. he felt that maybe, hanyu could possibly see him as more. that hanyu could see him as a lover. it felt surreal, the idea was so far fetched. it was as if hanyus love was a being mingrui could only admire, but never be in the presence of. as if he were unworthy to be a part of something so wonderful.

he remembered the sparks in his stomach and the fluttering in his chest when hanyu kissed him a year later. an outing with their friends turned to hanyu and mingrui driving down the streets late into the night. when hanyu pulled over far from the city and they stared at the stars together. mingrui admitting he had feelings for the elder. hanyu gently holding the boy close, mingruis hands placed on the tallers forearms.

it was nothing he'd ever experienced before. he'd never been kissed, he'd never had a boyfriend; or a girlfriend. but he could only describe it as if his internal body was on fire. his mind was chaos, jumping and hurdling between thoughts. his stomach was flipping and the tips of his fingers were tingling. and yet, nothing showed on the outside. they only smiled at each other. they didnt say anything until hanyu stopped outside mingruis house. he walked into his house that night knowing he now had a boyfriend. something he never imagined.

for the first while, everything was so new, almost exciting for mingrui. someone holding his hand, or throwing an arm around his shoulder at school. having all the attention of someone whenever he desired it. being held at his waist, someone leaving kisses on his cheeks or neck, waking up pulled ot someones chest, sweet nothings whispered in his ear. his heart jumped and buzzed at every gesture. he wondered if what he was feeling was love, he never knew the definitive answer.

just the same as he watched everything build up, the birth of their love, he watched it fall apart, piece by piece, day by day, second by second.

he felt the hands that once held him so tightly loosen, the kisses he once treasured feel meaningless. the time they promised to spend together slip away without his knowledge, the shared whispers of 'good morning' and 'good night' become dull, the once feather light and sweet words mumbled into his ear at night fade comepletely. he felt the fire of their love flicker and decsend, he felt their promise of a future sink and drown in the threads of time that surrounded it.

he didnt stop it. no; he stared. he watched himself turn his back to hanyu every night before they slept, he watched himself stop texting hanyu for no reason. he watched hanyus gaze linger, the emotion his eyes once held long gone. he watched the clock tick, months change, time pass as reality inched itself closer and closer.

he watched as hanyu became a different person, he watched as he himself became a different person. the people they are now werent the people who found love in each other, only the two left with the burden to keep the act going.

the more he watched, the more he understood; the more he questioned. did they ever love at all? or were they just two kids who longed for what they needed to most, that they ran to the first person who reciprocated it? hanyu needed to love, to hold someone, to tell someone they were his everything. mingrui needed someone to be loved, to be told he was worth someones time and attention, to be doted on and cared for.

he knew when they'd lost their love. when their hugs, kisses, words, time, gifts, and everything between held no more meaning. they were not acts of love, just requirments to feel like they were in love. to keep kidding themselves, maybe to feel like there was still a chance.

sometimes he prayed he could go back to when they were young. when he first saw hanyu. maybe if he did, he could figure out what it all meant. maybe he'd understand what he felt. maybe he wouldnt feel so lost as he looked at a person he no longer loved. a person he barely even knew.

"i dont think i love you anymore."

mingrui wondered if the words he said that night stung hanyu like they stung himself. he didnt say them with anger, or malice, or to provoke his boyfriend. they were whispered, hesitant, but they were real. they were the truth the boys wanted to put off for so long. he remembered the elder nodding. whether that broke his heart or was the first step to repairing it, he didnt know.

they never hurt each other. they never yelled or fought with one another. but every second after those words, mingrui felt small needles stab his heart.

it wasnt the fact the love was long gone, it was the fact that neither of them could deny it that hurt the most. he wanted so bad to love hanyu. to be the person he was when they loved, or for hanyu to be who he once was. but it was futile. he watched their love collapse slowly from the side lines, his hands empty, long knowing neither of them could repair it.

//i wrote this in around thirty minutes sorry if its not good i hope you enjoyed it💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕