Smoke and Mirrors (extremely canon story)

3

"Babe," Harry says, wiggling the finger he still has in Louis' arse. He's wearing one of his thirty engagement rings Louis' bought him and it's nice and cold against Louis' arsehole. "I- I really think we should come out."

"We can't!"

"Why not?"

"Image clause-"

"That doesn't make sense."

"The contracts?"

"Are expired-"

"Simon!"

"Would be totally ruined if we exposed him as the-" Harry slips another finger in and Louis whimpers. "Baby-faking, homophobic arsehole he is-"

"But he'd- he'd be mad at me," Louis whines. "Or sad or something."

"Don't you hate him?"

"Of course I hate him!" Louis totally hates Simon! Simon's the worst. He's the embodiment of evil. He's a greedy jerk, unlike Louis, who keeps his net worth at a modest $23 million.

"It just doesn't always seem like you hate him. Seems like you see him more often than you see me lately."

"Um, that's ridiculous, you utter cretin. We see each other every two weeks!"

"I know. I just- I'm sick of you associating with him when he's hurting us like this."

"I'm acting, Haz. Didn't you see my latest coded t-shirt message?"

Harry sighs against the top of his head. "I- I must've missed that one, Lou bear."

"It was a Guns n Roses t-shirt with some very scathing lyrics." Louis giggles. "Trust me, everyone will get the message. I'll check the blogs later today and make sure they picked up on it."

"Do you think maybe we could try sending an - an actual message? A bit less- subtle?"

"My special secret super-gay codes are actual messages." Louis twists his neck up to look at Harry. "What are you saying?"

Harry won't meet his eyes.

"Just," he mumbles. "I'm just starting to feel like there's not really a... a reason we can't come out."

Louis gapes at him. "How dare you?"

"Don't get mad, baby-"

"We have to trust NT! NT is totally working everything out, it's just a really complicated behind the scenes battle with OT right now that none of us fully understand."

"Well, Jeff says-"

"Oh, Jeff says this, Jeff says that. What, are you screwing him, you slag?"

Harry makes an injured sound. "Of course not."

"Then shut up about fucking Jeff."

"All I was gonna say is that- Jeff's not totally sure if Full Stop is going to sign the whole band."

Louis scoffs. "Full Stop. Is that even a real management company? They barely have an online presence, it's not very organic-"

"Louis. I'm telling you it's a real company."

"Well, I'll believe it when there's an official announcement."

Harry sighs again. He's been sighing a lot lately. Louis knows the closet is hard on him, but maybe he should consider that Louis is the one who has to carry around a disgusting infant and hold hands with an ugly bitch with no fashion sense just so people won't realize that he's totally, crazily, flamboyantly, happily, GAY!

Louis takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers. He sticks an apologetic third finger into Louis' bum. "Did I make you upset?"

"I just wish you'd be patient."

"It's been six years, Lou."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Of course you do, baby boy, of course-"

"So stop being so annoying! Jesus, you're acting like a dumb pushy woman or something." Louis shudders.

"I just- I know how much you hate all the stunts. Imagine a life with no stunts. Where we're just - living our lives, and there are no secret messages, or beards, and not everything has a secret meaning-"

"Oh, don't be unrealistic. No one lives like that."

"Louis-"

"Shut up and fuck me before Danielle shows up for our date. She's at the rental house taking photos in front of the pool and being extra, but we have to meet in a half hour."

"Alright," Harry says, sounding defeated. "I'll get the lube."

They come at the same time, like they have since 2010 when Harry was a teenager and Louis made him wear a buttplug in an interview. Afterwards they lay there in each other's arms until Louis' tummy rumbles and he has to let go of his big strong daddy to grab some of the carrots he left on the nightstand.

"I wish I could make you a nice kale salad and go in for round two," Harry whispers, stroking Louis' favorite tattoo, which is a realistic drawing of Harry's big fat cock, right where it belongs, on Louis' big gay arse.

"Me too," Louis sighs. "You know how much I love kale. Danielle and I will probably have to eat tater tots or something. It's like hashtag management wants me to get fat."

"Well, I'd still love you if you got fat," Harry says, chuckling and squeezing his bum.

"I wouldn't love you," Louis says, popping a carrot in his mouth. "So don't you dare."

"Whatever you want, baby."

Louis grins. Harry always says that, but Louis never gets tired of it.