Diary of a Bitter Person

January

The start of January was pretty messy. We didn't chat long enough with each other. It would mostly span in 1-2 hours and that would be for the whole day. Until January 17, this was our first actual long chat. Which lasted for 4 hours in total, we talked about a lot of things. Mostly about the past and some gossips/rumors she got. I realized Fracheska loves rumors. As long as there's something interesting on the plate, she'll bite  and talk with you. I was trying to get her comfortable with me but she never opened up. She hated serious topics and just liked to talk about fun. After January 17, our chats started to last longer until it was morning to night. At morning, I would wake up 7:00am to chat her good morning. We actually had an argument about this. I thought she wasn't interested at me because I was always the one making the first move. While we did talk from morning to night, it seems as if there was no progress in our relationship. January 20, I felt like there was no real progress. Sometimes, she would leave our conversation midway. There would be a 1-4 minute intervals between her messages and that always got me annoyed. It made me feel unimportant to her, like I was a second choice in every matter. Then as a joke, I called her "irritating"... she took the joke seriously. I tried to comfort her and tell her it was a joke but she didn't believe me. She changed her way of chatting from energetic to cold. There was no "HAHAHA", "luh", "aba", etc...so I tried comforting her the whole night. Finally, I managed to convice her that I love energetic Francheska and she went back to being her lovely self. I will never forgive myself if I ruined her. Her enthusiasm always brightens up my day and makes me forget about my problems. I don't want to ruin the smile that taught me love. Her happiness will always be my priority.

January 24, I started using my romantic lines again. I thought it had no effect in the past but then I realized it was only because the execution and choice of words was poor. I was now more mature and had a better choice for words. I also learned that grammar was sexy. Thus, I started using it and it works pretty well. I make sure that each word is from the heart. I want to comfort her and make her feel that she's the most beautiful woman in my eyes. She was always insecure since the beginning, so I was happy that my words is helping her confidence. This was also the day that I received her dancing video. SHE WAS SO CUTE! She's the best. The best of the best. The bestest best!

January 28-29, whenever I try to ask her about her feelings, she would always try to avoid a direct confrontation and say that her feelings aren't clear. This got me annoyed because everytime it happened, I would let it go. Until I was no longer able to shoulder the weight of my anger... I confronted her directly about it through roleplay. I showed her how she acted with me, which was a very immature move. That was one of my biggest mistakes I did to her, but I don't regret it. Then for the first time, Francheska replied to me with a long message explaining the things she kept to herself. It was her very first time opening up to me. I learned her sensitivity to words and that I should be more careful. She was the most precious thing to me and I hurt her. It breaks my heart what I did. I immediately apologized and comforted her. Then to get her back to the mood, I asked her several questions. Each question, I got to know her better. It felt like there was finally progress after weeks of chatting with each other. Then I asked her what day did she enjoy the most with me... she said today. The day that we fought teared open the walls and brought us closer together. Normally, an argument would seperate a couple but for us it was different. If there was a problem, I was always willing to understand the other person. Her reasoning was just and we were just starting out. It made sense that her feelings wasn't clear yet. We played mimicry all night, and I managed to have a fun time with her. We even celebrated beating her brother and bbf. It was the power of love. About 10:00pm, she told me that she thinks I'd give up on her but I reassured her with "Why would I think that I hate it? You're worth it, girl.". It had a very great effect! This was when she started collecting my sweet words. We chatted from 9:00am to 12:00pm. What a lovely day!