In It After All

What Comes Next?

I couldn't have been out for long, because when I next awoke, I was still in the court room. There's a disappointed looking Mandy in the corner, and stupidly, I almost feel bad for her. Only this time, I had a paramedic standing next to me. And Michael was gone. I was lying down, and when I sat up a little too vigorously my head immediately started spinning. The paramedic glanced at me, and smiled kindly.

"You're up, huh?" His voice was as gentle as his personality seemed.

I nodded gracefully.

"Looks like things just got too much for you hunny, you just fainted. I took your blood pressure, which was pretty low, but other than that, you're fine." He leaned in close to me. "I tried to find something to buy you some time hun, but you're really ok." I picked up his hand without thinking.

"Thank you," I whispered.

He gave my hand a vague squeeze, and stood up. He paused for a second to nod at the judge, and then was gone. The judge turned to me.

"Miss Morgan, it's time to go. You're gonna get 2 days with your daughter as your crime didn't involve murder or rape, but that's it."

With that, she grimaced and escorted me back to the van. My stomach turned over inside of me. I completely forgotten about Darcy and I felt sick with nerves. I mean, what do you say to an innocent 3 year old when you're going to prison for 6 months. My head was swirling with thoughts such as, 'Where will Darcy go? What if I don't get her back? What if I get killed? I turn to an officer stood outside the van.

"Will I get my daughter back?"

He turned around, surprised, and looked at me for a second. Seeing the fear in my eyes, I think he must have took pity on me.

"It's not for me to say Miss. I presume there'll be a court case but I'm not sure of the whole case in itself."

Sighing, I return to my seat. Not the answer I was looking for. The engine roars up, and I'm on my way to see little Darcy. The last 2 days I'll be with my baby for 6 whole months. I don't want her to visit, not there. I'd be so embarrassed, so ashamed. I don't get to see her grow up, give her kisses when she's hurt, carry her to bed when she falls asleep of the sofa. A tear rolls down my cheek. A female officer is sat next to me. Surprisingly, she puts her hand on my lap. She doesn't say anything, just pats it, and we go on.

When we eventually get to SunnySide Play Care, Darcy is waiting in the playground holding a member of staffs hand. I rush out the van as soon as we stop. As she sees me I hear her cry "Mammy!" I want to cry.

I scoop her up into my arms and hold her so tight. I never want to let her go. Everything is different now, it's as if I'm not hugging my baby, I'm being watched by at least 6 policemen and my every move being recorded. As I'm carrying Darcy to the van, a policeman comes over to me.

"Miss Morgan, an officer will be coming around tomorrow with papers to sign. And I suggest you pack some personal belongings for...You know." He sounds reluctant and he explains this to me.

Another staggering question suddenly pops to mind.

"Where will Darcy go?" I question protectively.

As if on queue, Darcy tugs at my loose ponytail, squirming. "I wa oo go 'ome Mamma!"

I cradle her into me with the response of, "We're going in just a minute baby."

The policeman responds with,"She'll be going into a foster care, or she can stay with a blood relative who is in frequent contact."

I nod shakily. It's becoming a little too real. I just want to go home, same as Darcy. But for me, it's a different story.