Behind the Mask: A Hannigram Fanfiction

6- Vicino al Fuoco

     Two dogs lay by the fireplace, full and happy. They've never known comfort like this, and William hates himself for not being able to give it to them before.
     William thought that the fireplace would be tarnished for him now, but he still felt some sick comfort in sitting next to Hannibal. He liked to watch the flames dance. He liked to think about the ignorant bliss he'd floated in for a day or two, finally thinking his life was going to improve. He had been so wrong.
     The day had been spent in a stupor. The drugs took a long while to wear off, and he slept through most of it. When he'd finally woken past noon, the door had opened and his dogs came rushing in. It took all of his strength to even lift his arm to pet them.
     "They've been fed," Hannibal had said. "I wanted you to have them. They're well-behaved."
     Hannibal had given him some bread, broth, and fruit— there was something so disgustingly tender about the way Hannibal fed him. Those strong hands offering delicate bites of bread, fingers brushing William's lips. It made him think of Abigail. Of purity.
Mister Graham, you've struck gold!
     No, my dear, I've struck filthy coal at the bottom of the mine. The ash has rubbed off onto my hands and I can't get out.
     When Hannibal spoke, William refused to answer. His limbs tingled as they regained their movement, and he spent a few minutes trying to teach himself to walk again. Hannibal had tried to help, and William pushed him off.
     He'd finally had the strength to join Hannibal in the dining room when he asked; not because he wanted to, but because he knew better than to hold him off for too long. The meal was a beautiful piece of fish. Will wondered how Hannibal knew he was a fisherman.
     They watched the fire now. William's brow was furrowed, deep in thought, and the two hadn't spoken for a long while. William's home, his bed, his dogs, all called to him, but there was no use in thinking about them. He wouldn't be leaving until Hannibal could trust him fully.
"You seem lost in thought," Hannibal remarked.
"I have to go home at some point."
"You've never mentioned anything you need to go back to. Got a father? Mother? Sibling?"
"I do, actually. I—"
"I want you to know that I appreciate honesty, William."
     "You weren't honest with me."
     "Your truth for mine, then. You tell me one, I'll tell you one."
After a long pause, William sighed. He didn't want Hannibal to know that he lived alone, that no one was expecting him, but he'd been caught in the lie. And he wanted info. "Dead, as good as dead, and nonexistent, respectively." He shrugged. "I just have the dogs."
Hannibal smirked. "So you're alone, then."
"Not technically. The dogs are valuable companions." He frowned. "Do you plan on keeping me here forever?"
     "It depends. Would you run off and tell everyone?"
     William didn't answer. Hannibal leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "I don't think you would," he said, "because I trust you. You seem to be loyal."
     "I am," William responded. "I'm extremely loyal."
     Just not to you. The unspoken words hung in the air.
     "I have that in my favor. Besides— and you'll have to pardon me for saying this— who would believe you over me?"
     These words finally made William look away from the fireplace.
     "Your word against mine, William. The word of an American nurse against the word of a prized doctor." There was a small smile on Hannibal's face, as if the words were amusing rather than insulting. They cut into William's already small ego. "What would be my reasoning? My motive? Absolutely nothing."
     "You don't have a motive," William agreed. "You just want to."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"I don't—"
"Honesty, please. Instinct."
Whatever answer William was going to stammer out was now useless. He had to really think about it; his brain was overloaded with emotion, but there was one that dominated over all of them. His heart fluttered.
"..I'm terrified," he whispered. And it was true— he'd never before considered someone who committed such vile acts simply because they felt like it. It gave them pleasure, enjoyment.
Hannibal turned in his chair, perched as far on the end as he could without falling off. He leaned forward, as close to William as he could possibly get. "Let me establish something with you, William," he began, his gaze boring into William's. "I don't want to hurt you. I never did. I don't plan on it. As my new apprentice...as my friend," he took William's hand, "you are safe with me."
William narrowed his eyes skeptically. "So are we acting like last night didn't happen? We're 'friends'? You..pleasured me. Kissed me. And then you assaulted and drugged me."
     "Alright, alright. Whatever we are."
     "What's my end of the bargain?"
     "You're assuming that I want something from you in return. I don't. I want to keep you safe."
     "You admitted to wanting to kill me. What's my end?" William repeated through clenched teeth.
Hannibal sighed. "Simply your silence."
"My silence for my life?"
"Yes." Hannibal's face remained frozen in a mask, showing no qualms about the trade-off. Maybe, in his mind, he really was doing William a favor. Resentment churned in William's stomach. He hadn't asked for this— it wasn't fair that he was stuck in this situation.
He had just wanted to be happy for once.
"Why not just kill me now?" The words came out impulsively, but William suddenly realized how true they were. There was no point to this, no point to this unending fear. A small part of him hoped that Hannibal would just end him there and spare them both the trouble of a relationship— professional or otherwise.
Hannibal looked almost hurt at the suggestion. "I thought we've established that those thoughts are not at all true. I don't wish to kill you."
     "You snapped a man's neck in front of my eyes, Hannibal."
     "Because he was a disgusting pig. Subhuman."
William flinched at his tone. "I would rather get it over with than live in this limbo." He sounded much more defeated than he wanted to, but it didn't matter. He was under Hannibal's control. "I'm not going to live through this. I know it."
     "You will. I promise you that."
     "You promise, do you?" He asked sarcastically.
     "Have I broken all of your trust, William? Will you really no longer trust a word I say?"
"I trust most of what you say. Just not when it pertains to our..relationship." He paused. "I have to deal with you. And my feelings about you."
"As do I."
"I shouldn't have come to your damn party."
"Don't be unfair, William, please." He frowned. "I'm simply interested in you.
"Interest is separate from manipulation." He gripped the arms of his chair tightly. It felt amazing to have control of his muscles back. "Do you know how..horrifically offensive it is for you to prey on me like you are? To take advantage of my vulnerability...my sexuality. I don't deserve this." He grit his teeth. "You're interested in me? Come speak to me. Come treat me like an equal. Do not fool me into thinking you're someone completely different. Do not drug me motionless and hold me hostage."
Hannibal looked surprised, and he finally turned his head away to stare into the fire. His expression was contemplative and shaken, something that William wasn't used to from him.
"Goodness."
There was a long pause, the silence filled only by the wood crackling.
"..You're never going to believe me," Hannibal finally said, "but I am very, very sorry."
William didn't respond. He'd given so much of himself over already. He'd wanted the kisses, he'd wanted to be sexual, but knowing that Hannibal had seen him as some kind of object was infuriating.
"William. I've been shamefully rude. Abhorrent. You're right." He leaned forward, visibly shuddering. "How could I have let it get to this?" He asked softly to himself.
William wasn't sure how much of the reaction was real and how much wasn't. It was so hard to tell now. How could he ever trust Hannibal again?
"I saw such a potential in you, even through small glimpses, and I was desperate to not let it slip away from me. If I'm being honest..what I did to you? It's the only thing I know how to do. When opportunity comes, I've leaned to hold on tightly. Still, there is no excuse. None." He sighed. "I want your trust again, William. How can I get it?"
William pretended to be lost in thought, just to put him on edge.
"You can let me go home."
His response was delayed: a sigh, followed by a soft uttering of William's name. The answer was clearly a no.
"You can give me the truth you offered me."
"Anything in particular?"
"..Where's Franklyn going?"
Hannibal considered this for a moment. "The majority of him is going into the river. Certain parts, however..I'm going to eat them."
William's entire body lurched forward, twitching. "You.."
"I eat them. I eat all of my victims."
The room was plunged into a thick silence that William felt he could wade through. He was stunned, unsure of how to react.
"Why?" He whispered.
"I don't know." Clearly, unquestionably a lie.
That was enough. William suddenly stood from his chair. "I think I'd like to retire for tonight, Doctor Lecter. If you're keeping me here, I don't wish to be awake."
Hurt flashed across Hannibal's face, but William didn't care. He couldn't care, not after how hurt he was himself. "Alright," Hannibal said, standing. "I'll show you back."
     The dogs followed them, oblivious.
Soon, they were in the same room that William had spent almost the entire day in. It was suffocating now, but he would rather be alone than with Hannibal right now. He just wanted to sleep the night away.
He suddenly felt a hand grip his elbow, and he spun around to see Hannibal examining his veins again. Threads of blue and red right under his pale skin, equipped to burst with just one little prick.
Hannibal glanced up at him. "I don't wish to do this tonight, William."
"I don't, either." Fear rushed through him.
"I won't tell you exactly how, but you will not be able to leave without me noticing."
"I sleepwalk."
"I won't penalize you for that. I'll put you back into bed."
Will turned away. "Goodnight, Doctor."
"May I say something?"
William sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him expectantly.
     "I understand," Hannibal said, stepping closer, "and I am sorry. You can continue with this— whatever this is— and keep building this wall. You can act like you despise me. But with just one touch.." He placed his hand on William's shoulder, squeezing it, and William couldn't help the way his body relaxed.
     "One touch, and you melt like candle wax," Hannibal whispered. "It's charming."
Will's face flushed. He didn't know what to say. He was too conflicted, too angry. Never before had he been touched like Hannibal touched him. He wanted to run as far away as possible, but he also wanted to stay forever.
     Will watched him go, watched him stride confidently along the floor towards the hidden hallway.
     "Hannibal," Will called out before he could disappear around the corner.
     The doctor turned, one eyebrow raised.
     "Do not betray me again."
Hannibal shook his head. "Of course not, dear William. I know better now."
He closed the door behind him.
————————————————————————
When the door to William's room opened, there was a large clang as a brass frame hit the wooden floor. It had been hidden against the door, triggered to fall when the door opened, destined to wake Hannibal up.
William didn't care. He didn't even seem to notice, in fact.
He walked down the hallway without worrying about being quiet. He had no shoes, nor a jacket. He passed by Hannibal's open door, and Hannibal was already on his feet, having heard the sound.
"William," he called gently after him. No response. He ran up to the man, tapped his shoulder, snapped his fingers in front of William's face, but William just wrenched away from him and kept going. It looked like he was going outside.
Hannibal sighed, grabbed his jacket off the rack, and began to follow him.