Winter Wildflowers

Chapter 21

Day 184

Ofelia hadn't considered what it would be like to see wildflowers again. She hadn't prepared herself; she hadn't even considered them since she'd left home.
Paulina was deep in thought that morning, especially quiet and slow in response. Ofelia was also distracted, trying to subtly peak out the window and so requested the morning off to stroll through the gardens.
Paulina had looked up at her, and as if answering a separate question nodded her head and packed her things. Ofelia walked out shortly after.

Her handmaidens walked behind her in the gardens, and it was then that Ofelia truly yearned for solitude. The sound of their boots crunching, their breaths, the thought of their thoughts. Ofelia looked to them, catching their gaze. At the least, she could be thankful that they weren't the guards, the guard's presences were much more domineering, they weighed heavier on her mind. Ofelia noted that they had been dismissed when Knightley came back. Ofelia looked over her shoulder at the women, and though she wanted to, she couldn't speak. They would know. She sighed, then shut her mouth and continued her walk.

In the afternoon, when she was expected to practice, she began to walk to the training room, and it hit her in the chest when no guards followed. Again, she would train alone.

It was that evening when her maids were to arrive shortly that she was caught off guard letting her hair down.
At the door opening, Ofelia looked up and froze at the sight of an extremely tense Paulina, her hands by her sides.
She frowned, and placed her hair pin on the desk, "... Paulina?"
Paulina gaped her mouth before curtseying, heavy words swirling on her tongue.
Ofelia frowned and rose, cautiously walking to her, "Paulina... Is everything okay- ?"
"I lost my husband seven years ago.", she started, her eyes wild yet distant.
Ofelia quietened.
"Don't pity me, he-... He was a horrible man.", she breathed as though she could tell Ofelia everything he had done with only the tone of her voice, she gulped. "I mean to say that I am... well versed in the ways of a powerful husband.", she muttered, then dropping gaze to the ground.
Ofelia looked to her hands.
"... I... blamed myself for a long time.", she said, her body language stiff, "... I admit I don't know why, I knew that he was-... And yet- ", her voice faded.
The air was silent for a little while and Ofelia fidgeted. As awful as it was to say, Ofelia didn't want to hear it. It was hard to hear. And Ofelia didn't blame herself for what Knightley did, so there was no application.
"There are certain things I wish I would have done differently...", Paulina whispered, her old voice shaking. She looked back to Ofelia, "Things that would have prevented me from becoming so bitter, so... harsh."
Ofelia clenched her jaw, picking at her fingers.
Paulina tensed and released a frustrating breath, struggling with her thoughts, "I- ", she started, pausing to shake her head. She caught sight of Ofelia's hands and drew closer, "Ofelia... When I look at you, I see myself."
Ofelia looked at her.
"Seeing how you have been treated... By the- "
Ofelia stepped back, removing her hands, "Do you not remember how you had treated me only a short while ago- ?"
"It was before I realised- "
"No!", Ofelia shouted, the hairs on her neck standing straight as she stood eyelevel with the woman. She gaped for words before shutting her mouth. She was so defensive, so ready to attack, she was in the corner of the ring, cornered by a pack of wolves. Instantly she felt volatile. But she was so defensive for what? Her eyes glazed, "What difference have you made to the way I have been treated?!", she spat, anger shooting through her veins, though that was not the reason she was so angry, "How have you compared to my husband, the King?", she hissed. She was so furious, the pained look on Paulina's face barely registered, "When I had been struck so hard that my- ", Ofelia's voice broke, "That my eye swelled shut, what did you do- ?"
"I regret- "
"Do not tell me that you regret!", Ofelia screamed, slamming her hands down on her bench, "Do not dare!"
The silence hit Ofelia like a sword to leather.
The sound of her ragged breaths, of her slight whimper, the feel of her shaking hands, her heartbeat. She gulped, and shook her head, turning to sit back at her desk, turning away.
Paulina stood still, her hands collected at her front.
Ofelia trembled. At her desk, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She closed her eyes.
"... What is it you came to tell me?", she finally whispered, slightly turning her face back.
Paulina was silent for a while. Perhaps Ofelia's parents would have been ashamed at her outburst, especially towards an elderly woman.
"I-... There is an attack coming from the West.", she wobblily murmured.
Ofelia squeezed her eyes shut.
"Veralta will triumph, our armies are superior.", she explained, clearing her throat, and checking behind her shoulder, "... But war inspires fear in people... If you want to undermine His Majesty as I'm sure you do, I-...", Again she checked her shoulder, "Am here to support you.", she finished, her voice barely above a whisper.