How We Are: A MFM romance

Sleep

Cain

He'll sleep good tonight at least. I lay my head on the steering wheel. What did I just do? I made a mistake. You can't do that with Ezra.

He grew up on the mob. Vitales. He's not a direct descendant from the Capo line, thank god. I don't know what I would do if I had to deal with that bullshit.

They kicked him out.

The mob kicked him out. What does that say about someone? I mean...what can I do with that, huh? He's crazy. Unstable at best. At all times.

Charming. Half a sociopath, I think. But he's home. So there's that. And I love him. I do, he's my best friend. And sure, I've seen him take a knife to someone's throat for a comment about his haircut but he's...

He's good. You just have to keep him on a very short leash. He just has to be controlled. Strict punishment. If he does something off the wall, you have to be on him.

I have to be on him.

He decided once that he was going to rob a Walmart. There was no true reason, he just decided that the cashier wasn't polite enough.

That's all. And instead of a stink look or asking for a manager, he came back with three pistols and a sawed off shotgun.

I dragged his ass out of the Walmart, into the car and beat him up. He laughed. He laughed the whole time.

He doesn't like to be alone. He can't be left alone for long. Something breaks in him. He doesn't like to share.

It sounds harder than it is really. I have him well trained. We work for each other. He needs me and I need him. Which is why I never let us go there. Sex complicates everything especially with how possessive Ezra is.

How possessive we are. Because I do.

Possess him. He's mine. I've trained, tamed him, broken him. Made him half a fucking human and it took fifteen long years so of course I own him.

Of course I do.
Who else would?

But it goes both ways. He takes care of me too. Makes sure I eat, makes me talk. Lord knows I might be mute if not for him. Gets me out of my shell.

I head into the apartment. Ezra's already collapsed on the couch, sleep. I sit next to him, and just watch him for a bit.

It's all her fault isn't it? Dominique. We could've gone like this forever couldn't we? Me sneaking off on weekends to fuck. Him in the bathroom, so he can spite me.

Cain and Ezra. Toxic codependency.

And now this happened. He won't let it go. He's been trying to fuck for years. I just never let myself. Now it's too late. I'm in it now. I'm in the shit, now it's time to shovel it.

I push his hair back. His eyes open, those gorgeous brown eyes.

"You regret it?" He whispers.

It's a trick question. If I ever said yes, he'd immediately try to stab me.

I shake my head. "You?"

Ezra sighs. "You don't owe me. I...know dealing with me is a hassle for you. You don't have to."

I frown. What the fuck is he talking about? He closes his eyes again. I need to see them. Find out what he's talking about, there's more to this, there's got to be.

He continues, his voice horse, sparsely a whisper. "You don't owe me. You don't have to fuck me. You don't have to stay here you don't have to control me anymore."

Of course I do. He'd fall apart without me. Besides...I like it. I've spent my whole childhood loving someone out of my control. I couldn't make them say what I needed them to say, or do what I needed them to do.

He needs to be controlled and I need to control. It's why we work.

"Open your eyes."

He does so, immediately. I pat his cheek, a silent praise.

"What are you saying?"

Ezra licks his lips. My eyes dart down to them. Those lips were just around my—

"I feel guilty. I feel like I'm assaulting you—"
"What?!"

I'm on my feet and towering over him before I realize it. He's looking away, avoiding my gaze.

"If you feel like you owe me, Cain everything we do is tainted!" He yells over my anger, his brow furrowing. He picks at his finger. A nervous habit.

"You didn't assault me. I told you to do it, Ezra. Where is this coming from?"

He clams up. Goes silent. My body tenses, as my anger rises. I'm not sure who or what I'm angry at. I'm not even certain I'm angry.

I just feel something and it doesn't feel good.

"Answer," I demand, my body flexing.

He winced. "There's nothing for me to say, Cain."

I should fuck him up. I bend down, grabbing his face. "You say what I want you to say. Understand?"

Ezra looks between my eyes and nods carefully. Good. I've got his attention.

"What do you want me to say, Cain?" He whispers softly.

He's too pretty that's what it is. Makes me angry. But he asks a good question. What do I want him to say? Nothing. I don't need more words, new words; I want him to unsay the words he just said.

I clench my jaw. "I don't do anything out of debt to you, Ezra."

Somewhat false.

"I do what I want, and you do what I tell you. Like it's always been."

Also...somewhat false.

"Understand?"

Ezra blinks at me for a moment before nodding solemnly. He doesn't believe me, but I won't press him about it, because I'm not sure I'm right.