Purple games ≛ Bucky Barnes

1.1

"But yet, you've always had terrible taste in boys." - Logan Hewitt.

I had at least eight days until I had to go back home and I made a promise to myself to not let any New York drama follow me to that place, but it's hard to escape the drama when people keep asking you everything about being back home. I was hoping that them more than anyone would understand what it's like to have a conversation about people who betray you can affect someone. I know they had good intentions and I appreciated their concern, I really did.
I also promised myself that I would not waste my time thinking of all the horrible things I had to endure thanks to James, but it's starting to not be as easy as I had expected. He's on my mind all the time and not the kind I enjoy where I have my fantasies about him. The only way I could think of him is how disgusted I was with the fact that I let him fuck me while he knew what he had done to me and I also blame myself for allowing it, because at that time I also knew what he had done, and he might'd not have an option because of all the brain washing and I do want to understand him, but he still behaved like a royal asshole. See? Still thinking about him and his ocean blue eyes, his broad shoulders, his arms, his arm...I don't get why perfectly sculpted guys like him can't have a great and beautiful personality, like Scott. If Scott was younger and wasn't dating Hope I'd have probably–definitely– date him. He's cute, nice and funny. But oh no, I had to like stupid jerks.
"Why are you looking at everyone like you want to kill them?" Storm sat by my side on the grass.
"I was supposed to be enjoying the sun while I listen to music, but instead I can't seem to get Bucky out of my mind." I relaxed my back on the wet grass, refreshing my skin a little.
"I thought you didn't like him." She looked down at me with a confused look. I get it.
"I don't." I don't believe myself. I sighed and cringed at what I was about to tell her. "You remember the first night I got here and you asked about why I came?" She nodded and I sat down again. "Well, hot things happened, X-rated things." I couldn't bare to look at her. "And it was nice, I was hoping that would change our relationship, I'd forgive him for whatever he did to me, but the moment things are starting to be good he ruins it by being a total ass." I didn't know how disappointed I was at him. "I really tried." I shrugged my shoulders. "But whatever, I don't have time for him or his shit." I brushed all my feelings off and smiled at her.
"Honey, it's not that easy to just forget how someone makes you feel." She laid a hand on my knee. "I can't tell you how the mind of a man works, I wish I could." She laughed. "What I can tell you is that he probably feels guilty about what he did to you and he is pushing you away before he can hurt you again." She rubbed her thumb on my knee.
"Hi ladies." We both looked up to see Logan smiling down at us.
"Hello." I covered my eyes with my hand and squinted my eyes. "Looking good." I teased.
"Always...I was looking for you actually, kid." I stood up and waved goodbye to Storm as I walked with Logan. "What's going on with you?"
I sighed. "You don't want to know." I looked at the floor as we walked around campus to the garage.
"Put this on." He handed me my helmet and hoped in his bike.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and we drove off to a nice little tavern in the middle of the road. Me and Logan have a special bond, I never knew why, my best guess is that he took pity on me because he relates to me and I'm not mad, he's so cool.
He knew the owner of the place so they didn't ID me and even if they were I'd make them not do it.
"Why are we here?" I put my arms on the bar and waited for the bartender to give us some nuts and beers.
"You seem different, what's going on?"
"I already told you."
"Like I've never heard your boy problems." I laughed and sipped my beer. "Tell me."
"Fine. You remember James?" He nodded and I rolled my eyes as I smiled. "Before I say anything I want to make clear that I still don't like him." I tell him everything from the day I got back home to the mission we had a three way, the one with the fire and the night before I came. I tried to avoid the details, but he wanted to know everything to try and understand the situation.
"I don't believe you." He tilted his head and shrugged his shoulder. "But yet, you've always had terrible taste in boys." He chuckled.
"I do not!" I argued. "Most of my boyfriends had to be approved by you."
"Hmm, true." I shook my head and laughed. "And what's so wrong with Captain America?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're whining about liking boys who are jerks, but Steve doesn't sound like he is a jerk."
"I don't know, I just don't like him, I don't feel any romantic connection to him."
"But you do for James?" His question sounded more like a statement.
"No, I'm just saying-" I stuttered. "I don't have feelings for him." He nodded sarcastically. "Whatever." I said with a smile on my face.

I've never had an issue with telling Logan about my love life, I always saw him like the cool uncle who just sits, listens and judges without actually judging me. He knew who I liked before I liked them, sometimes I joked and said his superpower was to see the future–more specifically my future– and he hated that innocent joke, he said it made him feel weaker, and I thought it's stupid. When he said comments like that I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt being as how he was born in the late 1800's; on the other hand he'd had more than a hundred years to re-educate himself into forgetting his toxic masculinity.
When we got to the tavern it was daytime and when we got out it was past sunset, you know the time where there is still some sunlight but no sun? Yeah, that time.