ATONEMENT || 𝟏𝟖+ [hiatus]

𝑥𝑖𝑖. ℎ𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑙𝑦 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠

──・・𖦁・・──

After the meeting, Tristan walks into my office. I look up from the graphs and tables spread out on my desk, welcoming the pleasant distraction, even if it's just for a little while.

"Hey, you! How was your first board meeting?" I ask, smiling as he takes a seat across from me.

He chuckles and shakes his head, a small smile spreading across his lips. "It was...nothing I'd ever experienced before."

"It can get overwhelming," I tell him. "If I'm honest, I've been kind of scared of meeting with them. Sure, I had a good relationship with them before but...it's been two years. A lot changes over two years, you know?"

He nods in agreement, looking at me for a long time, lips pressed together into a tight line with his eyebrows furrowed. The cogs that make up that brilliant mind of his are turning, but per usual, I can't tell what's going on up in there. "Are you okay, Del?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" My response comes out too fast. It's honestly a question I don't have an answer to. Everything is changing so much around me, and it's taking me a bit to get adjusted to how different my life is.

"It's just," he pauses. I pay too much attention to the way the tip of his tongue darts out of his mouth, and how he drags it along his bottom lip. "Last night, you didn't really seem like yourself."

I give Tristan my very best smile. "Oh, Tris. I'm okay, I was just tired, I promise."

"I think that might have been a bit more than tired," he counters.

I pause. Then I carefully think over what I'll say next. There may be a degree of truth to his words. But, I don't want him to know that. "Maybe. I've been busy...stress, exhaustion, the whole nine yards."

I stand and walk around the desk, sitting on top of it. "Maybe it's none of them. I'm okay."

Tristan leans forward and my mind feels spotty, just as it did last night.It feels weird. It's not the first time I've reacted like this around Tristan, it's just been a long time. As he examines my face, I feel my mouth grow dry. I stare at him and he stares back at me. For the first time in years, I feel emotions rising within me. Emotions that I thought I had shut away and put a lock on it. Maybe they're right about getting closure, you can't truly let go until you've gotten it...I don't know. All I can do is stare at him. My brain tells me to look away, but I can't. It's like he's at the center of the universe...

No.

I can't.

I force my mind to clear and refocus. He can't be the center of my universe. Not again.

"You did it again, just now. You aren't tired right now, are you?" he asks.

"No." I'm surprised by my own honesty. "No, I'm not tired right now, Tristan."