ATONEMENT || 𝟏𝟖+ [hiatus]

𝑥𝑖𝑣. 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒

──・・𖦁・・──

No matter how hard I try, I can never understand what Mom saw in Michael. Maybe it was because he was conventionally attractive? Was it his intelligence? Could he have been kinder in his youth? I've tried to ask Alexander's opinion on the topic, but each time he does nothing more than sing Michael's praises. I want to be furious with him every time, but then I remember that he never knew what Michael made me do to ensure our luxurious lifestyle. Sometimes, I want to tell him, to scream at him for it. But I never do, because Alexander shouldn't feel guilty for his father's disturbing behavior.

Alexander and Kirsty come up beside him, flanking his right side. Alexander looks so happy to be here with his fiance and his father, waiting eagerly to include me in the festivities. Kirsty's dress stretches over her swollen abdomen and my mental wall quivers. I'm jealous. So unimaginably jealous.

I miss my baby.

I lost him.

Sam didn't care.

"Would you like me to thank you for my life, or would you like to be thanked for my career?" I murmur.

"I'm deserving of both, my dear." He approaches the stage, holding out his hand.

I hesitate as Tristan pushes his way through the crowd. He stands next to Michael, holding out both hands for me. It's like I could jump into his arms right now, and he'd catch me no matter what. These men have presented me with two options, but there's also a third option.

I could take my father's hand, and pretend like he hasn't caused irreversible damage to me throughout my entire life. As though the effects of his abuse don't reverberate through every action I take. As though the scars from his actions don't remain on my body as dark reminders of all I have endured.

Then there's Tristan's outstretched hands, palms facing the sky in a comforting gesture. Going with him ensures safety and security, and it also means I have the freedom to choose my next moves beyond this.To either go on like Michael never showed up, or confront him head on.

Then, there's the third option. I could ignore both of their offers and get off the platform by myself. It's a really simple choice.

I stumble over to Tristan and he locks his hands around my waist, lifting me up and planting me down beside him. Even as I find my footing, he doesn't let me go. I don't mind, though. I feel like if he lets go of me, I'll fall to my knees and shatter into a million tiny pieces of myself. Michael Cooper is the only person who strikes this kind of fear into my heart. Sam may give me the mental anguish that leaves me screaming until my throat is raw, but Michael renders me incapable of basic human processes. The only thing that remains is my fight or flight response that pleads for me to run and never return.

Alexander turns to me, his gaze soft and confused. "Delilah?"

"Sorry," I smile shakily, trying to control my voice. "I just need to talk to Tristan, that's all."