My Idol | Namkook

Chapter Four: The Truth

It had been a few weeks since the boys' episode of jealousy and everything was seemingly back to normal. That is - until Namjoon decided to make a log about Jungkook.

Sitting down, he turned on the camera and began to talk: "I don't know why I'm making this. But I can't- I can't get over how I feel about Jungkook. I love him. I'm in love with him. And I try to push down my feelings and then they just come right back up again. I don't want to ruin our friendship by confessing something that he doesn't feel back for me, but when I see him with the other guys, a part of me just wants to pull him away and shout at the other guys that he's mine and mine only. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. But I feel it every day."

He soon turned off the camera. Looking at his phone, he noticed Jin had texted him to come to dance practice, and it momentarily slipped his mind that he had been recording at all. Leaving the video up that he had always intended to delete, he went to practice.

Jungkook went into the office an hour or so later, having come home from dance early. Noticing there was a clip on the camera, he decided to watch it.

---

"Jealousy is an ugly emotion. But I feel it every day." Jungkook turned off the recording, internally freaking out. The man he loved was in love with him too, so why was he so upset about it? Getting up and turning around, his eyes met with that of Kim Nam-joon. "It's not- it's not what you think." Joon tried to justify himself, but failed.

"Y-you're in love with me?" Kookie responded, shocked.

"No. Yes. I don't know." the older spoke quickly, "I mean- I-"

"Just tell me, Namjoon."

"Fine. I am. I fucking love you, Jungkook! Is that what you wanna hear!? I'm in love with you, and I know you don't love me, so let's just forget about this entire thing, okay!?"

Jungkook wasn't thinking straight, his head was clouded. He loved Namjoon too, but he couldn't admit it. He was a wreck inside his mind. "You're right, I don't. Just delete the recording, no one will ever know." he replied quietly, looking at the ground.

"Thank you." Jungkook left and Namjoon deleted the recording, then sitting down at his desk once again and bursting into tears. It hurt him to think that he was right; that Jungkook really did never love him. So he sobbed for a while, and then he went to bed, and slept off all his feelings.

Jungkook, meanwhile, laid in bed crying all night, thinking how stupid he was that he didn't just admit it. What were these feelings he was having? Anger? Guilt? Shame? The man didn't know, but he continued to wonder anyway.