Desert Sunrises ✓

Chapter 10

I give Ari time to cool off. There was a lot we needed to talk about it and when I could barely keep one of my eyes open, was not the time. I finally found him, as the sun was going down over the sea, turning the waters red like its name. He had a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. "Mind if I join?" I ask quietly.

He doesn't move to speak, so I slowly sit down before grabbing one of the beers sitting next to him. I pop the lid and take a long swig from it. "What exactly happened between you and Sammy?"

I take a deep breath. "Probably exactly what you think. I was lonely and I didn't know anybody here and so I clung to him like a lifeline. And when I was going through the miscarriage and you refused to come-"

"What are you talking about?" He asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

"When I was in the hospital, losing our baby, I begged Sammy to come get you. I knew it was too late for the baby but I felt you still had a right to know. Sammy told me he would. When he came back, he said you didn't want to be here."

Ari's face goes red. "He never came to me. Wife or no wife; baby or no baby, if I knew you were in the hospital, I would've been there, especially considering..."

I start to cry. "So, you really didn't know? He never called you, or went to see you?"

"Ily, besides the fact that it was my baby you were losing, I would've been there regardless. You were my best friend long before you were my girlfriend." I nod, allowing the tears to fall.

Ari looks at me, takes another swig of beer. "So complete honesty. That's the name of the game tonight, right?" I nod. "I'm getting a divorce. Or I've already gotten one. I'm not too sure since I haven't been able to get any information from home. When I came home from the last mission, Sarah had left me divorce papers. She took our daughter and moved out."

"I'm sorry Ari." I say, placing my hand on his as it rested in the sand.

"I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I never wanted to do that to Maya, my daughter. But timing is weird, isn't it? I never expected you to walk through that door in Zurich."

"I didn't exactly expect to be there. I was fine avoiding you like the plague. I'm sorry I never told you I was there."

"And I'm sorry for how everything played out from the funeral and after."

I nodded. "So... Are we going to address the elephant in the room?" I ask.

"Well, we're not in a room right now, but we can if you want." He sighs. "When did it start?"

"A year after I had lost the baby. I was in a dark place. I had been benched by Ethan for taking too many unnecessary risks on missions and I probably sat in my apartment for a week, barely eating, in a state of almost constant drunkenness." He turns and looks at me. "I'm not proud of how low I allowed myself to get at that time. And it hadn't helped matters that I had seen you out with your wife and daughter. I was really angry for a very long time. I just didn't want to face reality. Anyway, Sammy found me like that one night. I guess it had been a while since he'd heard from me. I made him sit with me and drink. Looking back on it now, I'm hoping he was drinking because he felt like a piece of shit for being a lying fuck but at the time, I just needed someone. And so, Sammy allowed me to use him to mend myself. After a while, it was just something we did."

"How long did it go on?"

I let out a long, low breath. "Please don't hate me. I don't think that after everything, I could survive losing you again."

"I promise I won't hate you."

"Off and on for the past 5 years. The most recent being yesterday morning." I say softly. "But I wasn't expecting you and I to do what we did last night."

I watch as he stares intently on the horizon line. "I can't be angry with you. You don't owe me anything, especially after everything." I nod.

We're quiet for several moments. "Where does that leave us?" I ask.

"I still love you. I don't think I ever stopped."

"Can you forgive me for sleeping with your best friend?"

He laughs. "No offense to Sammy, ok maybe offense right now, but he's not my best friend. That spot got filled a long time ago." He looks at me from the corner of his eye. I smile and lean my head against his shoulder. "I'm really sorry about your eye." He says, gently running a finger over the bruising.

"There's no way of knowing if it was you or not. And I still love you. I know I never stopped. I couldn't give Sammy more because there wasn't anything left. You are what I want. You're what I've always wanted." I tell him.

He places a hand on my cheek and leans in, kissing me on the lips. I melt into him. "Let's go to bed." He says, standing up, offering me a hand. I gather the beer bottles before accepting his hand and allowing him to lift me off the ground. We go back to our room, and I fall asleep in his arms, finally feeling like I was home for the first time in years.

...

I wake up the next morning, feeling Ari's hot breath on my neck. I smile, sleepily before turning as gently as possible to look at his face. In sleep, there's no stress, no worry lines. It's just Ari and I can still see the boy I fell in love with all those years ago. "You know it's hard to sleep when you're being watched so closely." He says voice deep and gravelly from sleep.

I blush. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"We should get up. I believe I promised the 4 of you an earful and I haven't had the opportunity yet."

"Yes ma'am." He says, getting up and placing a kiss on my lips. "Good morning."

"It is now." I say before going to the bathroom to get ready.

We joined the others in the dining room, walking in hand in hand. Rachel zeroes in on it and grabs me, taking me over to the coffee pot. "So, I take it last night went well?"

"We finally got everything out in the open. And let's just say, someone at that table is going to have a really shitty morning." She gives me a questioning look, but I just shake my head and we go to rejoin the others.

"Now that we're all here and the guests are otherwise preoccupied..." I start. "You 4 ever pull that shit like you did the other night, I'm going to shove the radios so far up your asses, I'll be able to hear your thoughts." They all go wide-eyed and nod, terrified. "Good, the three of you are dismissed. I'm sure Angela can find something for you to do around here." I say, pointing at Ari, Max, and Jake. "You," I say, pointing at Sammy. "You and I are going to talk."

I watch Rachel lead the others out, Ari pausing to give me a kiss on the cheek. "Try not to kill him."

"I make no promises." I say before he nods and follows the rest out. We go into the office, and I close the door behind us. "How could you?"

"What?"

"I begged you to go get him. You watched me lose the last thing I had from him, watched me cry myself hoarse, and you lied to me and told me he didn't want to be there. You watched me almost drown myself in alcohol because of all that I had lost, and you still lied to me. And now, now that he's back and you might lose your easy lay, now you have feelings for me. Now you love me. Well, that's too damn bad. I told you, I was honest with you from the very beginning that I wasn't looking for anything serious. I told you just how much I loved him. You were the one who said you could handle it. Well, now you get to handle watching me with your best friend. I'm done. Don't look at me, don't talk to me. If you need something that pertains to the mission, go to Angela. I'm done." I say, and then I walk away holding back the tears that were threatening to spill out.