To Be a Hero | MLB

34: The Confession

"So, what about you?" Antoine asks me. "Have you ever had a boyfriend before? Or a girlfriend?"

I start to say that no, I've never dated anyone before, but then I stop myself as my mind drifts back to my unfortunate time in Berlin. I thought I'd fallen for a sweet German boy in my class, so when he asked me out, I—of course—accepted. I was super excited about entering my first relationship, but when I overheard my boyfriend's friends congratulating him on "scoring the new American girl," I quietly broke up with him and resolved to never jump into another relationship so quickly again.

Finn only wanted to use me, like nearly everyone else in my life. And I only knew him for a week before he asked me out... kind of like Antoine.

"Tori?" Antoine nudges me, and my thoughts fade away. "If you do not want to answer, you do not have to. I did not mean to—"

"No, I... Yes. I have had a boyfriend before." Then, before the words can truly sink in, I add, "But we only lasted two days, so... That relationship doesn't really count."

He nods and looks back out, over the river. He looks like he wants to say something but stops himself. Then he clears his throat and falls silent again.

"What is it?"

He glances down at me, uncertainty flickering in his gaze. "I just... Well. I was thinking, now that we know each other much better now, do you want to maybe... be my girlfriend?"

Everything in me wants to say yes, I'd love to, but... Now that I've been reminded of my relationship—if I can even call it that—with Finn, I can't help but wonder if Antoine's intentions are as genuine as they seem. What if he just wants to add "Dated an American girl" to his list of achievements? What if he doesn't even really care about me? What if—

"You do not have to answer now if you do not want to. You can think about it." Antoine slips his arm from around my shoulder, and I glance up at him, worried. "I will wait for you for as long as you need."

Now, more conflicted than ever, I mumble, "I... thanks."

He nods and turns to watch the sun's final rays sink below the horizon. "I should probably start heading home. Text me when you get home, so I know you are safe, okay?"

I nod, and he hugs me tightly before setting off for home. As he starts to walk away from me, something hits me.

"Antoine!"

He turns.

"You never told me something embarrassing about you."

He thinks for a moment, then smiles. "Let's see... I am trying to win over this American girl, but I believe she is too good for me." He takes a step back toward me. "Nothing I say ever comes out right, and I always feel like I am doing the wrong thing." He closes the distance between us and takes my hands in his. "I have asked her out twice now, and she has not yet said yes. I fear I am going to scare her off." He looks down at me and rests his forehead against mine.

I feel my breath shorten as my heart speeds up in my chest. Does he really mean all of this?

"I feel as though every time we talk, I seem more and more desperate for her attention. And I do not mean to come across this way, I just... I really want to be with her." He glances away for a second, then swallows. "And I am not sure that she wants to be with me. That, to me, is very embarrassing."

"Antoine," I say softly, but he shakes his head.

"I am not saying any of this to influence your decision, Tori, I just want you know how I feel." Then he squeezes my hands and steps away, toward one end of the bridge. He smiles at me once, then turns and leaves.

I turn back to the river and watch it for a while, then sigh and text my mom I'm on my way home.

Now that I know Antoine and I feel the same way about each other, my decision should be easy. But... am I really ready to take this next step?