love you goodbye | djs

twenty - four

TW: don't read if you get triggered easily.

a year since alex died had already passed. daniel had been doing a little bit better but not fully back to himself. no one thinks he'll ever be the same again. it took months for an investigation for the crash. they needed to decide how the crash happened, what caused it, and who was at fault.

unfortunately the only fatal injury was alex. the driver in the other car walked away without a scratch. the davis and seavey family found out 6 months post-crash that alex had been at fault. she was speeding and lost control of the wheel, or so they thought.

daniel was in the home they shared, looking through her things in her closet. she had an extra closet in her "woman-cave." he was never able to go inside until today. he didn't want to get rid of anything of her things but he wanted to make room for her clothes that were in their closet in the bedroom.

he finally decided it hurt too much to see all of her clothes in the closet so he wanted to move them. as he was rummaging, he came across a box hidden in the back of the closet. he pulls the back out and lifts the lid open.

letters.

the box was filled with letters. the first one address to: daniel seavey

he thought she'd only written a few with songs. he found those in the other closet. apparently alex had a lot left to say. he pulls the letter address to him out, opening it.

my sweet boy,

it's with deepest regret and sadness that i write you this letter. i'm not sure when you found this letter, whether it was the day after i died, months, or even years. i hope you're doing well. happy. i'm sorry that i did this to you. i never meant to hurt you but i was hurting so much i needed it to stop. it wasn't you or anyone else's fault.

the day of my car crash, it hurt saying goodbye to you for the last time. i wasn't sure if that would actually be the last time i saw you or if it would be the following day, before you left for tour. i didn't want to be even more selfish and kill myself while you were on tour. so, i had to do it before you left.

this isn't your fault. i've been hurting for so long and you know that. i couldn't do it anymore. i'm so sorry i couldn't fight any longer for you daniel. i tried. i really did try. i was so close to going back to drugs and this was the only way i knew i wouldn't. by taking my own life. i hope i didn't hurt the person in the other car, if i collide with someone.

i haven't been planning on how to do it for that long, but i've been planning this event for years. i'm selfish and couldn't hold on any longer. you can be mad at me. i'm mad at myself too. i wish i could be there with you, holding you, hugging you. i didn't want it to end this way. i wanted to grow old with you, have babies with you, see you achieve even more of your dreams but i couldn't. i'm watching you from heaven as you're reading this.

wipe your tears baby. i love you and always will. you have my whole heart. remember how we said we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives? you were there for the rest of mine. i wish i was there for the rest of yours. no one else had as much of me as you did daniel james seavey. you're my number one. my forever. my love. my chemistry partner. and most importantly, my husband. i died with your last name.

i'm not sure if you saw but i got a tattoo right before i died. your name, the day we met, and the day we got married. live your life to the fullest. travel, sing, go bungee jumping. do whatever your heart desires. i'll be by your side through it all.

i love you so much, don't forget that.

with love,
alex rose seavey <3