Saved

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Jade's P.O.V.

After Katelyn went home, and I tried to hide my dress from my mother, I flopped into my bed, exhausted from the series of events that occurred. Maybe if I put it in the wash now, no one would notice. I tossed the dress into the hamper in the corner of my room, pretending it was a basketball, even though I couldn't play basketball to save my life.

I knew it was bad for me, but I dwelled on what happened. All the embarrassing moments, the not-so-bad moments, sitting on the steps outside. All of it. The memory of Dylan made me sick to my stomach, and caused me to slip back down into darkness. Except I fell harder than I did when he broke my heart. Hot tears slipped down my cheeks without warning.

Thoughts filled my mind all at once, crashing into each other, creating chaos in my head. I tried to clear my mind, to relieve myself of my thoughts. But nothing worked. I was sad about everything and nothing.

I used to get sad like this when Katelyn and I weren't friends, anymore, and when Dylan broke my heart. At those times I felt the most alone. But not like this. I was alone, even in a room full of people.

At times like these, I put my earbuds in, and listen to my music at full volume. It is the best way to drown out the voices in my head. To escape from them for a little while. But it never filled the void. Listening to music is like putting on perfume on a day you need a shower; sure, I'll smell good for a little while, but I will eventually have to take that "shower". Though I don't want to, I have to face my demons and my thoughts.

I let the music take over me. I let it drown out the rest of the world, until it is just me and the music. I probe my mind for memories, good things to think about. But I go too far, and I am thinking of my family before I know it. More tears slide down my face as I hold back sobs, so my mom doesn't hear.

* * *

I make my way down the stairs and into the kitchen to ask when dinner would be ready. To my dismay, nothing was being cooked. But I forgot about my hunger once I saw my mother leaning against the counter, a phone to her ear. Her eyes met mine, glistening with tears threatening to fall.

I remember only hearing half the conversation, and trying to guess the other half. After trying to listen to the conversation from the other side of the kitchen I could only get certain words. My heart began to race as I processed the words I had heard : husband, son, car crash, hospital.

"Mom..." I started, unable to finish my sentence. She hung up the phone, and headed out the door without a word. Where was she going?

"Mom!" I called out, running out the door after her. She was already backing down the driveway into the street. Confusion floods my mind as I stand there in the middle of the driveway, my mom's headlights temporarily blinding me as she backs out.