Depressed Dice

Sad

⚠️TW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE & RAPE AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE!!!⚠️

Dice's POV

I shot up, tears forming in my eyes. I had one of the worst nightmares I've ever had. It was about my father, he was hitting me and my sister and brother, Daisy and Marcus, and he was yelling at us and calling us abominations. He even grabbed Daisy and murdered her right in front of us. That's the part that scared me the most. When we were children, he always threatened to kill and rape her, and he actually did it once to "put her in her place." We were 6, she didn't deserve that! I quickly reached for my phone and called Daisy, hoping that she was alive. I knew it was just a dream, but I just needed to be sure. "Hello?" I heard her groggy and tired voice, and a wave of relief washed over me, "Dice, it's 5 AM, what do you want?" "Sorry, I just had a nightmare and wanted to make sure you were okay." She responded with a sigh, "It was one of the ones where I died, wasn't it? I'm okay, trust me. Now go to sleep, idiot." We laughed quietly, and I hung up, falling back into the covers.

I woke up at 12 PM. Usually I would be freaking out and rushing to work, but thankfully it was Saturday. I didn't have the motivation to get out of bed, so I just stayed there. I felt the sheets next to me, and unsurprisingly, Kevin wasn't there. I sighed and pulled the covers over my head, hoping it would suffocate me. That hope was short-lived, however, when my 15 year old, Cherry, yanked the covers away. "Hey, Papa, do you realize what time it is? It's 12, you've been sleeping this whole time." They laughed. I frowned, I wasn't trying to.

God, are you seriously being insulted by your own child? Pathetic.

"Are you okay? You look sad." Cherry said, knocking me out of my thoughts. "I'm fine, Cherry." I heard my other kids calling for Cherry and asking them to play. "Go ahead and go play with your siblings." They rushed out and I was left in bed, not knowing what to do.

Cherry's POV

I walked out of Papa's room, worry growing within me. He usually doesn't stay in bed for that long unless he's in one of his depressive states. I stood in front of my sisters' room, seeing Rebecca, my youngest sister Abigail, and my brother, Ollie, sitting in a circle in costumes looking at me. Rebecca was sewing up what I hope was a stuffed squirrel and not a dead one, and Ollie was asking it weird questions. Abigail moved over to leave a spot for me and gently pat the spot. "We're gonna play superheros and villians, do you wanna join us?" Ollie said enthusiastically, holding up a cape for me, "You can be a villian like us! Or you can be the hero and try to save SuperSqueak!" He pointed to the squirrel. I shook my head, "I think I'm just gonna go work on something for Papa." Ollie and Rebecca looked at each other in worry, they both knew how Papa could get severely depressed at times, but they kept it from Abigail. She's 5, after all. Ollie got up and went up to me, motioning for me to get down to his level. I crouched and he whispered in my ear, "Make sure to let him know that we all love him, I don't want him to do what he did before because he feels worthless." I nodded and left, frowning at the memory Ollie brought up.

Years ago, when mom died, Papa was in one of the worst states I've ever seen him in. He didn't go to work for days at a time, he stayed in his room all the time, and he stopped eating and taking care of himself. I was only 11 at the time, but sometimes I had to take care of my siblings when Papa couldn't. He tried to take care of us the best he could, ya know, taking us places, making us food, making sure we were safe, but sometimes he was just too depressed to do it. Anyway, one day, after we got home from school, I heard crying coming from Papa's room. Nobody else heard it but me. I went into his room to see what he was doing when I saw something I wish I could wipe from my memory. Papa was sitting on his bed, crying his eyes out, with a gun to his head. He was about to shoot. I screamed and cried for him to put the gun down, which obviously got the attention of my siblings, but luckily they didn't see what Papa was doing. He looked at me, turned away, and put the gun down, thank goodness. Then he ran to me and pulled me into a hug, apologizing and assuring me that it was gonna be okay. After that, he started to get better, of course he had a few hiccups here and there, and he even tried to do it again a few times, but he's still gotten a lot better.

I went down to the kitchen and made some food for Papa. It was just a sandwich, but it's the thought that counts. I put it on a plate, then went up to my room. I got out a piece of paper and folded it. Inside, I wrote that we all loved him and drew some small hearts on it, then got my siblings to sign it and draw stuff on it. I went to Papa's room, but before I went in I heard something fall and.... someone choking? I dropped the plate and paper in realization and burst through the door.

"PAPA!!"

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hehe more angst bc i've been feeling rlly sad lately