You're Not Like Us

Ch. 1- Don't Be Silly

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I wake to yet another normal day of coffee bean aroma and the sickening smell of marijuana filling the small crafted room i call home. Sighs and sorrows slowly devour the silence of the community room as i carefully force my muscles to lift me off the rough couch. Great, another sleepless night. The springs on the sofa poke out from under the poor cushioning making it almost impossible to fit right in between, relieving my back of its sore nature. I wish i could say i was one of those kids who wake up to a nice breakfast, or a nurturing mother sewing ones own clothes with every stitch curated with the utmost care and respect for her children, but i didn't get that lucky. My parents died when i was very young, leaving me only with my poorly uncle, who which was bound to die anyway, so now i am alone. Alone in what was left of the small towns own version of "It takes a village to raise a child".

...

Sometimes, i ponder on whether or not to start the day off hopeful. I usually develop an answer of no, but today has some kind of latch tied to my weightless ankles, dragging me to the road of yes. Don't get me wrong, i'd take up a challenge any day, but sometimes my mind drifts to places unknown, leaving me stuck with a severe case of procrastination syndrome. So dare i need to have to remind myself, "Don't be silly; for you cant do such a thing in such a place. Now, get back to work- you have a job you must commit to.". This typically works, but today, as i bounced around looking quite silly on one leg putting on my pants, there was no cure for my syndrome.

I found myself rushing out today, which was fairly abnormal for my taste. I was usually out of the small home by 8:00 am, the latest, which meant i was required to get up at 5:30 to make sure everything was prepared for the long, treacherous day ahead. Today, although, i was out by 8:23. I figured it was due to my sleepless night and continued ahead.

My mind was doing a lot more drifting today, being particularly odd which i wasn't fond of, and i was beginning to become frustrated. I once again reminded myself, "Don't be silly; for you cant do such a thing in such a place. Now, get back to work- you have a job you must commit to.", although it didnt help. I sat down on a small, rusted park bench to rest since i clearly wasnt doing very well in street, and pulled out one of my favorites, "TrueBlood". Its a quite wondrous book series, the literature high which i enjoyed, but what made this quite so special was the unrealistic goals set from this author. I enjoyed reading very fictional books, reminding myself of how if i thought this was crazy, my life didnt seem so bad after all.

Once finished with one chapter, i gently slipped my rectangular reading glasses off and slid them back into my purse. Strangely, when i went to stand up, i became very dizzy. All i recall from this event was holding on to the benches armrest before completely blacking out.

...

I woke up to the strange sight of, what looked like, a young woman standing over me. Her chin lengthen hair dangling in front of her face as she looked down at me. The small strands of pink gently tickling the side of my cheeks as my eyes slowed down from the blur. By young, i believe she was almost my age, being 15-17 years of age. "Splendid, your awake. I was hoping you weren't passed out for too long." she flashed a quick smile and once standing back up, put out her hand. After examining her for what felt like forever, leaving me to feel bad afterward, i grabbed her hand and lifted myself up. "Thanks, although i dont quite understand what happened." I replied, almost as if i was asking for the answer from this complete stranger. "You were probably just dehydrated. My folks get like that often. I'm Vivian by the way, but i prefer V. My pronouns are She/Her, although i believe i like She/He better...maybe even He/They! Oh silly me! I almost forgot, what are your preferred name and pronouns?" she flashed another one of her warming smiles before quickly frowning realizing my facial expression. "I'm sorry, do you not know what i mean?" I felt stupid. Of course i knew what she meant. i just wasn't open about it. You see, I've been a closeted pansexual for a while, ever since i was about 12. I told quite a few people then, not realizing what might've resulted after that, although quickly learning.

My birth name was Elizabeth, but i've come to find out im not a female. Don't get me wrong, i still use She/Her pronouns, but only because i am afraid of the hate ahead of me. I did have a preferred name, though, which was Ellis. Short and simple, plus, my family only believes it is a nickname. After pondering her questions, i replied with, "My apologizes, but i must ask you to change the topic." I didn't mean to come across as rude as i sounded, but i hated the subject. Just like i hated self expression and self love. I could only wish upon those things. "Don't be silly, i believe that everyone has the right to choose who they wanna be, that includes you im afraid." She looked deep into my eyes, as if she was trying to see through me. As if, for just a second, there was more to be discovered. I was afraid to open up to this stranger, but somehow, i felt comfort when i was with her. So, with that, i said, "My name is Ellis, and my pronouns are They/Them.