ᴀ ᴄᴏᴜʀᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜱʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ꜰʟᴀᴍᴇꜱ→ᴀᴄᴏᴛᴀʀ

intervention

For those who are reading this, I really appreciate you guys giving my fanfiction a try.

I wrote this when everyone around me was going through grief and writing out fiction was my way of coping. Looking back now, I think I should have talked to people because that led me more to isolating myself. It only got worse as I kept on living through my imagination instead of facing my problems; a reason why I'm not a Gryffindor. I'm tired of it at this point but i don't know how to engage myself in my own life without feeling miserable. I really, really need help, I know this is unhealthy and I basically turned into incognito mode irl as well as ghosting from all my online accounts, although I was mostly absent because I didn't log in. I could go on and on and write out every thing I did that I wished I didn't. 

Mana I imagined, would slowly incorporate herself into the lives of characters of the series before the setting of the plot by Sarah and yes, she was the main character not her offspring. I could write out some epilogues for the possibilities but I can't write out her story when I'm not confident in carrying out mine. 

My writing has changed, evolved into something more befitting of my own making instead of the half hearted, at times difficult to follow writing I showcased in the chapters I had written. I couldn't properly filter and shape the thoughts, the ideas into something free flowing. I might have said, I improved but the me who wrote those chapter is without the emotional constipation I have now. I wish I could have made them flow better, made the language more merry and less pretentious. Mana deserved more.

I don't really know if this is an end, it would be cruel to keep it labelled 'ongoing' when it has already ended in my head. It would be cruel to give out hope, to people who actually liked reading this(i still cannot comprehend that) to say that I'd write out a proper end, or that I'd rewrite this whole and make Mana proud. I don't want this to be another abandoned project but i also want to put off some of the weight on my already slumped shoulders.

I could ramble on, I could conjure up some vigor and plunge myself into the plot of my making, ending it once and for all. 

But I also can say thank you for stringing along, for a character I could never really portray as in my head, for a half baked plot I revolved around the mere thought of 'what if', for terrible writing that I honestly would not recommend and put it on the list 'wattpad ffs are so cringe pls cancel'.