An Illusion That's Love

Chapter 4

"You are awfully silent," Ananth complained. Vandana was silent. "Hey... did I put your mood off or something?" He asked.

"No," she said. "I was just reminded of the past." She said.

"Uff. The Past..." he said with a smile, and then his smile faded.

"Ananth...?" Vandana called.

"Hm?"

"Did our thing in the past cause you to stop believing in love?"

"Eh..." He spent a moment thinking... His fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter. Vandana looked at him, and she was again reminded of how mature and older Ananth looked than his teenage version. He was truly a man now. A man with the burden of many experiences.

"There was a girl in college," he said. "We were together for three years. But then she said her parents won't agree to our marriage and then got married to someone else..."

"Oh..." Vandana said.

"You and her... I survived both." He said, casually. "So, it does not matter anymore."

Vandana kept looking at him. She could feel a relatability. For her also it did not really matter anymore. And she was mature enough now to look into the eyes of her past relationship with nothing but friendship and empathy.

"Even then idiot," She said, "You should be getting married to someone you are at least attracted to. Or how will you... you know... manage things after marriage?"

"Things after marriage?"

"You know... Sex?"

Ananth guffawed. Then looked at her. "You know that guys can do it with anyone, right?"

She scowled. "Seriously?" She laughed.

"I mean, it will happen organically... She was nice looking enough."

"Yeah. Yeah..." Vandana looked out of the car window. Her hair flew in the wind. The night was quiet.

"You want to hear some music?" Ananth asked turning on his music player. "Wait. You still like A R Rehman, na?"

"Always..." she smiled.

"Great." He put on the music. And his fingers tapped along the tune on the steering wheel. Vandana turned to him. She watched him for a while.

"Nandu..." she called. He was startled by that nickname. He looked at her. "Did I... hurt you back then?" she asked with doubt.

He took a pause and shook his head with a soft smile. "You were a kid. You had to leave. You had no choice." Vandana nodded. "But I always wondered..."

"What?"

He took a long pause. As if wondering if to ask this or not. "Why did you never try to contact me after?" He did not turn to look at her after the question. He could not. Half of him did not want to hear the answer. Even after 15 years, he could not bear to hear that she forgot about him and that she stopped loving him. That she did not care if he lived or died.

"I did... try to contact you," Vandana mumbled.

"What?" Ananth stepped on the brake so hard that the car jerked to a stop.

"Ananth?" she called.

"Sorry..." He drove the car and parked it on the roadside. And turned to her in urgency. All these years he had thought ... "When? How...?" He asked, urgently.

Vandana shrugged.

"Tell me..." He insisted.

"What's the use now?"

"I want to know. Tell me..."

"Ananth..."

"Nandu, please... I want to know."

Vandana struggled with her words. She did not want to tell him exactly. How was she supposed to tell him? He may hate his mother after that. She did not want to be the reason for a problem between the mother and son.

"Hm.... I had called you. At your home.... Your mother picked up the phone." She managed to say.

Ananth could guess what might have happened. "You could have called again. Or sent me an email. Or at least found me on Facebook. We were a friend on Orkut. You deleted your Orkut account after leaving."

Vandana looked ahead. "Your mother told me never to contact you."

"And you compelled to that?"

"She..." Vandana's eyes filled with tears. She could still remember the phone conversation. 'You monster', his mother had called her, 'you came to earth to end the life of my son', 'you are the reason he tried to kill himself', 'you will ruin his life', 'stay away from him', 'you wretched girl', 'if you try to contact him again...'

Vandana stayed silent.

"Do you know how much I waited for your contact?" Ananth asked, accusation in his voice. There was despair there. "How many nights I..." yearned to hear at least her voice. All those emotions were coming back to Ananth.

"What is the use of talking about all this now?" Vandana asked.

Ananth kept looking at her. "What did my mother tell you?"

"Nothing..."

"Vandana..."

"Why the hell did you try to kill yourself?" She shouted at him in anger. "That is why things all got so twisted." He blinked at her sudden anger. She looked at him with anger. "Why the hell would you do something so stupid?"

Ananth sat back in his seat, looked ahead and sighed, now feeling a bit ashamed. "Coz I was stupid."

"See..." She said. "Now can you drop me home?" She asked.

He drove on and they did not talk. Silence remained in the car until it stopped in front of Vandana's house. "For your Information..." Ananth said as Vandana was getting out of the car. She stopped and waited. "I did not try to kill myself." He said. "I did not mean to die. I thought if I do that stunt people will let me meet you."

Vandana sat back. "That is even more stupid...? What if something had happened to you?"

"Hm," bit his lips.

"Were you that desperate to meet me?" She asked, accusingly.

"Yes," he said, and his voice was full of honesty and confidence. "I was," He looked down. "I was willing to risk my life to get a glimpse of you."

Vandana did not know what to say. She silently got out of the car. "Bye, Ananth." She whispered. And walked off. Ananth watched her go. For now, his heart was again filled with all kinds of emotions for her. Anger, pain, sense of betrayal...but a yearning too. A throbbing yearning that made him want to get out of the car and grab her and kiss her so hard.

But he just silently started the car and drove off.

(More of the story coming soon. Please let me know what you think of it so far. Vote and comment :)