Dysphoria{Beeduo}

'she' just doesn't feel right

Hi...
(Don't ask where the name Tara came from it was just a more feminine version of Toby/Tubbo

Also this is Tubbo pre-transition, as in he looks like a girl still uh yeah)

Tubbo's pov:

I woke up early this morning, crying again. I don't know why, probably because of discomfort or overthinking. Who knows, I definitely don't. "Tara, get down here!" My mothers yelling at me again. She probably found my stuff on the floor again...or my binder. I rushed downstairs.

"What is it Ma?" I ask. She looks frustrated "You need to get out of the house today, I don't want to see you on your screens getting weird ideas put into your head." I rolled my eyes "Fine, but those 'ideas' still aren't gonna go away no matter what I do" She stared me down as I went back upstairs to change.

I soon came back down after getting ready "Bye, I'll be out past dinner probably" she looked upset again. "Alright-" she was about to say more but I left. I don't need to hear her comments on how I 'look too much like a boy' or how I'm binding my chest.

I walked for what felt like hours, just roaming the city. I made it to a park and sat down in the grass. It was peaceful listening to the birds and watching the bees go from flower to flower. I was snapped back to reality when someone sat by me. I looked over at them. They had split dyed hair and they were pretty tall. They were kind of pretty to be honest. They looked at me with a worried expression on their face "I'm sorry, is it okay if I sit with you? It's fine if not, I can just go-"

"No no, it's fine." I interrupted, they seemed nice. "oh okay, thank you. May I ask what your name is?" I was staring into his eyes, god they were beautiful "my names Tara, I prefer Tubbo tho" they looked at me in surprise, what're they gonna say? Should I have just not said anything about the preferred name? Were they gonna start acting like my mom? "Nice name Tubbo. My names Ranboo." They replied. I smiled, they're the first person to actually use my preferred name. It felt nice.

Apparently I started tearing up because they started looking worried again "Tubbo, are you okay?" I nodded "Yeah. You're just the first person to actually use my preferred name" I probably shouldn't have let myself  start crying but I couldn't help it. He pulled me into a hug and I smiled, hugging back.

We pulled away from the hug and decided to go get lunch at some restaurant together. I can't tell if this is me falling in love or if I'm just not over the whole preferred name thing yet but they made me happy. We went to lunch together and spent the day walking through the city. I ended up getting their number before having to head back home.

"So, Tara, have those 'ideas' changed?" I smiled "Yeah, I'm more confident in them now. I dont think they're just 'ideas' mom."
She scoffed "Well im sure we'll change your mind somehow" I just rolled my eyes and went upstairs. I immediately texted Ranboo. They responded rather quickly. We ended up spending the night watching movies while on call until we fell asleep.

I woke up to see a still sleeping Ranboo on call. They looked so peaceful. I set the phone down and went to get dressed before coming back to see that Ranboo had woken up. We talked for a few hours before mom decided we were gonna go out for the day. I said bye and hung up. Hopefully I can still talk to them while we're out, I don't want to spend the whole day just listening to my mother.

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It's been hours since we left the house, mom's been shopping for more clothes or something. I've been trailing behind her, on my phone the whole time. She was rambling on about something when she turned around and saw me on my phone. "Tara get off your phone! We're bonding, I want to talk to you!" Jesus Christ "mom, I'm talking to someone. I have more important things than listening to you and your unwanted opinions." She looked shocked. I shouldn't have said that. God dammit I'm in trouble. "Well why don't you go hang out with whoever it is that's got you smiling so much. I'll be expecting you home by dinner." and she walked off.

Great. I decided to call Ranboo to see if we could hang out. They said they'd be here in a few minutes and hung up. I sat on the curb outside the store we were in and waited. I jumped up as soon as I saw them. "Hi Ranboo!" I smiled as they walked up to me " hey Tubbo! What's up?" They asked "oh, my mom got mad at me and left me alone so I thought I could hang out with you."

They smiled "well Im glad we could hang out, where do you want to go?" I shrugged "your house? I dunno" I had no idea what we could do, I didn't plan this far. "Alright" they replied. They ruffled my hair and started walking to their car, me following close behind.

We soon arrived at their house, it was huge. We went inside and I was greeted by Ranboos parents "Moms, this is Tubbo, my friend" it felt nice being called his friend. "Hello" They replied. I waved and Ranboo took me up to their room. We sat down on their floor and just stared at each other. "Ok so Tubbo, I keep forgetting to ask you. What're your pronouns? I use he/they by the way." I was glad they asked, no one I've ever met has actually cared enough to ask. "I use he/him, thanks for asking."

He smiled. "Dont thank me Tubbo, its really nothing. Im still surprised, am I really the only one who uses your name?" I looked down at the floor and nodded. They put their hand under my chin and lifted my head up so I was looking at them. "Well that's unfortunate. You've got quite a beautiful name, y'know that?" 

I blushed, it was slightly embarrassing how warm my cheeks were but he just smiled. "t-thank you Ranboo" they pulled me into a hug before asking another question.

We went back and forth asking questions for hours, learning more about each other was wonderful. I found out ranboo's favorite color was blue and they like alliums and walking in the forest. I also found out he liked the sound of rain, even though he can't touch it.

Hours flew by and it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to go home but if I didn't I'd probably get in trouble. I said my goodbyes to Ranboo and their parents before walking back home.

As soon as I walked in everything went silent. No chatting among the rest of my family nor any sounds of movement. It was weird that everyone just went silent but I decided not to mind it. I went up to my room and got ready for bed. As soon as I laid down I put earbuds in and fell asleep listening to music.

I can't wait to see Ranboo again

(Idk wtf I'm doing but it was fun writing this

Word count- 1265)