The kingdom's jester || persona 5 || shuake

Chapter two

Eventually the days melded into each other, none of Ren's days had a defining feature. All that happened was: go to school; get beat up with nothing to help you; attempt to go home safely; maybe go to a convenience store and get a weird look from the cashier; go home; get beaten up a second time; eat; cry amongst other things; maybe sleep; and then rinse and repeat.

Overall, not a very fulfilling life. Morgana tried to cheer him up, but there's not much he could do when he came home with new bruises everyday, and won't tell anyone his problems. Morgana believes the thieves in Shibuya could help him, but he outright refuses to admit anything is wrong to them. 

He's noticed Ren's gaze lingering on strong pills when they go to the drugstore, and razorblades when they go to convenience stores for too long. He even buys some when he thinks Morgana isn't paying attention, sloppy for a thief but he lets it slide, at least Morgana knows what Ren's doing this way.

He's given Ren some space, setting up a bed in one of the corners of the room so that Ren has enough space for himself. And he didn't want blood and tears in his fur but that's a less important reason.

Even if Morgana might seem as if he's fine with Ren torturing himself during his stay here, it's evident he wants it to stop. Every time he sees Ren press the metal of the blade onto his upper arm, he flinches, even if just slightly. Sometimes he wonders why Ren himself never seems bothered by it. There's not a hint of any emotion on his face that relates to what he's doing to himself. Its all to do with his thoughts, not the self inflicted pain he decides to waste away in.

Every time Morgana sees a gaping cut he looks away. He's not afraid of gore or anything, gore's just a bit weird to him. But seeing Ren actively do that to himself just makes him sick to his stomach.

The thieves need to help their leader somehow.

Ren sighs, "Just let it out, Ren, it isn't like you can do it to anyone else. You'll feel better after, don't you want to feel better?" He coaxes himself. The words said to himself weren't lies, he can't harm anyone else currently, and it's not like he wouldn't feel better. The taste of his blood has always soothed him as a child, so much so it angers him when he sees people he doesn't like with his blood on them.

He presses the blade to his scarred arm, presses down, and swipes slowly, making sure he draws as much blood as he can without feeling light-headed. It's too early to pass out from blood loss. He takes his arm to his mouth and drinks, savouring the nostalgic taste. At least if he ended up drinking too much, he would pas out from blood loss and not something as pathetic as exhaustion from crying. 

He repeats the same actions several times, some of the blood staining his clothes and bed. He didn't pay any mind to it, no one payed any mind to it in his eyes.

He finishes once the blade seems as if it wasn't slicing through as easily. He gets up, throws the blade in the bin, and doesn't bother to bandage himself. It doesn't matter if he bandages himself up or not, Eijiro and the class will simply reopen all of the cuts again like they do every day.

Ren knows full well that no one cares about his situation. They've all seen him shirtless in the gym's changing rooms and showers. Some people didn't even bat an eye, and some people laughed. Eijiro even mocked him, saying that only losers cut themselves. He laughs at the memory, it's the only thing stopping Ren from getting back at him and being expelled.

What would Akechi think if he knew? Would he react like Eijiro? Ren hopes not. He knows Akechi has been through quite a bit, he hopes he'd be at least understanding. He doesn't even have to be sympathetic, he just wants minimal judgement for his actions.