Summer Love: My Brother's Best Friend.

xxxiii

Matthew's Point of View.
4 hours earlier.

I try my best to focus on whats in front of me, but the room keeps spinning. I'm at a bar, I know that much. And I'm drunk. Really fucking drunk. With every glimmer of light I see, I'm reminded by the spark in her eyes. The subtle innocence, the fierce willpower.

Her way of loving me made feel something I've never found before. Euphoria spread around my body every time she looked at me. Her perfect smile, her perfectly sculpted body, her beautiful soul. I felt so lucky to be able to look upon her every day. Hear her laugh, touch her skin, feel her lips against mine...

And it was all ripped away in a flash when she found out about me. Ever since we met, my biggest fear was for her to see the bad I already saw in myself. And then she did.

I didn't really think about it when I sent in the photo. I walked in on Nash practically embracing her, and I couldn't think clearly. I had just payed off the photographer to not leak the photo, to prevent Lucy from getting hurt. But when I saw them together, every inch of my body was dedicated to get her away from him.

If he wasn't so fucking persistent... If he just backed off when he saw the photo. But he already knew about me and Lucy, and he still went after her. Years of friendship disintegrated in that exact moment, when I realized he tried to make something happen with her.

I look around in the crowded bar, my failing vision keeping me from thinking clearly. I see a silhouette of a girl walking towards me, her long brown locks capturing my attention. She's wearing a purple dress, much like the one I gave to Lucy.

She sits down beside me, crossing her legs. My blurry vision isn't enough to determine her facial features, but it looks like her. She says something, and reaches out her hand to me. I don't know why... Maybe it is the relentless feeling of worthlessness, the gnawing guilt, feeling unloved... But I take her hand, and she leads me into the bathroom with a smirk plastered on her face.

...

I stumble into the cab, mumbling my address to the driver and I realize how badly I fucked up. Lucy's expression when she found out about the photo, is something I never want to witness again. It makes me sick just to think about it. And now... The first thing I did when she left was to seek comfort and pleasure in someone else. I've always put my own needs before hers. Well, the need for her. I sent in the photo to show Nash and everyone else that she... belonged to me. Then, when Jack was in surgery, I ripped her away when she found comfort in Nash. I had things still going with my ex-girlfriend. And 24 hours after breaking her heart, I was hooking up with another girl.

I wanted her to only have me. But then she finally saw me for what I was, and left. Just like I thought she would. It's amazing to me that she didn't leave sooner.

I get back to my house, and I throw some dollar bills to the front seat and stumble out of the car. I make it to the kitchen without passing out, and I see the liquor cabinet over the beside the fridge. I know I've had way too much. But not enough to kill the never-ending regret of ever hurting Lucy. I grab a bottle of whiskey, and head for the bed. I look her up to see if she has been papped somewhere outside of Nash's house. A few photos appear on the screen. She is walking into a restaurant with Nash and... Carter? I didn't even know he got back from Florida. I stare at the photo, with no trace of a smile on her face. I see Nash behind her and I have to restrain myself not to throw the bottle of whiskey across the room. I throw my phone instead, and I drink from the bottle. And then I drink some more.

After about a hour, I panic when I struggle to breathe and my body collapses on the bed. I'm paralyzed, unable to move. I open my eyes, and I can't even see whats in front of me. I just see her. Ruffled and chaotic thoughts inhabit me, and I scream and shout into the void, desperate for help. But no one is here. I am alone.

Lucy's Point of View.

"Do you love him?" he sniffles, looking down at the ground.

I didn't expect him to ask me that. I stare at him for a fews seconds, trying to come up with something to say. There is no denying that I have feelings for Nash, but do I love him? I have known him for years, but can I honestly say that I love Nash?

"I don't think I do," I admit, and he looks up at me, with a gleam of hope in his eyes.

"Do you love me?" He leans in closer, tucking a strand of hair behind my shoulder.

"Yes I do," I nod, slicking his hair back to look into his eyes.

Oh, how I want to forgive him. Those eyes reminds me of the boy I met at the party at the start of my holiday. The one who showed me things I've never experienced before, or would have if I had not met him. The boy I am blindly and utterly in love with.

If only things were simple. If only we weren't so self destructive. He flinches when he sees another tear run down my cheek. "God, I'm so sorry Lucy," he exhales, shaking his head lightly.

"I'm sorry for putting my needs in front of yours, I'm sorry for being unfaithful, I'm sorry for not being honest with you, I... I'm sorry I wasn't what you deserved." He reminds me of every time he hurt me, and now that I think back on it... I can't quite figure out why I let it all pass so easily. I was so caught up in loving him. Blindly.

"But I know I can be," he says, surrounding my hands with his.

"Please give me a chance to prove that to you," he asks, gazing at me with begging eyes.

"Matthew, I came here because I thought you were in danger. Not because I'm ready to forgive you," I speak, realizing that he deserves the unfiltered truth. "I need time, more than two days," I exhale, disappointed that I didn't manage to stay away from him for longer, but thankful that he's okay. He eyebrows furrow, and he struggles to find something to say.

"Okay." He surprises me, stroking my cheek. I was fearful he would loose his mind if I tried to leave. But something has changed with him, he seems calm... collected. I don't know what it is, but it confuses me further.

"But if you think for a second that I will give up on us, you are sorely mistaken."

...

I get in the cab, watching Matthew disappear a second time. I give the driver Nash's address. I don't know if I can stay there now, but I have to at least pick up my things. I wouldn't blame Nash if he wants me out of there.

My headache is pounding, as millions of emotions swirls in my mind. I cover my eyes with my palm, feeling like the earth will swallow me whole any second.

Suddenly, in the miserable state of confusion and desperation, I tell the driver to change the destination.