Love is an unexplainable feeling. It is a stack of emotions of various colors, genres, shades, genders, and types. It has an inherent quality to make you speechless once you experience it. You are in awe but feel disgusted at the same time. Love makes you do strange things. Sometimes good things. But it probably depends on how you perceive the love you feel. Your loved one, the one who loves you might see you as an object to experience a different kind of love, but for you, the warmth is more than enough.
Does any of this make sense? No, it doesn't, cause it's really difficult to understand someone. In a society, there is a norm for everything. Straying away from the normal makes others uncomfortable and ultimately makes you feel worthless. You fall in your own eyes. Why? If you are not respected, you don't respect yourself. The give and take are mandatory for the well-being of your own mental health. For you to stay sane. You need to be sane.
Is this my mantra for daily life, some chant I read out to affirm my self-love? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't really matter, as the life I always wanted is waiting for me outside and I have no idea how to face it.
I am in my early twenties. I am in college, that's probably self-explanatory. The stage of existential crisis I am at, the worries I have in life, the feelings I feel, the loneliness wrapped around me. It's all there. It's not highlighted how lonely college is, I am here to do that. I will write all about it here. Why? Because I have made up my mind.
No. I will not pull a Hannah Baker or anything. I will probably burn this diary after I finish it so that no one reads it and my loneliness is burnt to ashes. Well for the satisfaction, burning is the best. Looking at the page catch flame, spread and roll up and turn black and fall onto the ground.
No, I have to think this through. The ground is a lot of cleaning to do. Let me relocate this whole scenario to the bathroom and the charred pieces falling inside the commode. Yes, one flush does it nice and easy. My mom won't yell at me.
YOU ARE READING
entries of a living being
General Fictionam I alive? yes very much do I feel anything? not really how do I feel anything? by making my life interesting
