𝗜'𝗟𝗟 𝗙𝗜𝗡𝗗 𝗬𝗢𝗨 | 𝘼. 𝙃𝙊𝙏𝘾𝙃𝙉𝙀𝙍

three

Fewer seats meant that you were perched on Daniel's lap- much to Aaron's disgrace- and laughing into the crook of his neck. Over the brim of his glass, Hotchner peered with eagle eyes & he did try to smirk and jolly along with the tipsy laughter surrounding him until Daniel whispered something to you, and you kissed him. The eye contact was nauseating. Spencer was watching the broadcast of a murder on the bar TV, and just as expected, their phones buzzed.

'Guys,' he said.

'We've got it, I'll ring Pen,' assured Emily, 'Hotch, you coming?'

Hold the phone, 'Wait, you're going?'

'Yes, is that a problem?' Hotch questioned you, smacking you back into that moment he psychologically evaluated you on the jet. Jeez, thanks Hotch.

'He's not told you?' said JJ.

'Told me what?' you protested at the thought of being left completely in the dark.

'That Aaron has been transferred back,' Dave added, chiming in with everyone else and somehow the more you learned, the more aggravated you got. Daniel felt your muscles tense in frustration, and you got up to stand before your old team. Avoiding your stare, they realised- in short- they'd fucked up. But then again, why should they have told you? After all, you're just a barista now.

You directed your anger towards Aaron specifically, as it was none of the team's business to tell you at all. 'And you were going to tell me, when?'

'Beck-  I-'

'Don't. Come on, Daniel. Let's go,' you grabbed your boyfriend by the arm and pushed him out of the bar. The walk home was eerie, and you apologised for such a rude interruption, but Aaron could've told you so much sooner, even a text would've angered you less, but no, he left it right up until the moment a new case came in, 'Typical of him, he's so predictable, Dan,' you vented, taking your shoes off and throwing them on the floor.

'I'm sorry he's upset you.'

'I'm sorry honey, I shouldn't take it out on you,' you sighed, pulling the duvet over yourself and laying on your back, 'I just thought it would be easy if he ever came back,' you laughed foolishly, 'I guess not, but, I'm glad I have you.'

He propped himself up on his elbow and kissed you, 'It's okay, but did you want to go with them?' he asked blatantly. You looked to him and contracted muscles in your face which meant your eyebrows nearly met in the middle.

                   You had not slept. It was midnight and you knew the team would not yet have left Quantico. I have to, I have to go, and so, you quietly slipped out of bed and left Daniel sleeping soundly, right? Putting on anything you could find, that being a shirt and skinny jeans- are you kidding me?- you shoved on the angrily discarded boots and packed a small bag of belongings and shuffled into the bathroom. There, presentable, and you quietly called JJ to see that they had not yet set off, 'Okay, great, I'm on my way,' but just as you made your escape Daniel was stood in the bathroom doorway.

'What are you doing? It's nearly one o'clock in the morning,' he asked calmly, too calmly and it confused your already loud mind.

'I'm sorry, honey, I have to go- I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to bed,' you said, leaving a kiss on his cheek and going to exit the bedroom.

'Yeah, of course,' he smiled, following your body as you skulked past him. He grabbed your upper arm, 'I just...don't understand why you're going for him.'

You stared him in the eyes, feeling ever small and shrinking fast. He pulled you close to him and the scent of lingering alcohol was on his sticky breath. His eyes were darker than any other time he'd been this way, and you could practically see the depths of hell in them. Not like Aaron's, that held the world in an oyster, no, Daniel's eyes were soulless when he had you completely and utterly alone.

'Daniel, you're scaring me.'

'You're a fucking liar, Beck. Cheating on me with him, what does he have that I don't? Huh? How can you possibly believe that he could love you like I do?' he spoke, voice raising with each conviction. You shrunk and buried yourself behind your arms as he threw you into the bedside cabinet, and pulled out a belt from it after you dropped to the floor. Using your arms as a shield, he whipped you again, and again, and again. The sting was familiar, and nothing could ever prepare you for nights like this; you felt shame for what you had let yourself become. Weak, afraid, and alone. This was all your fault, and a part of you always thought, with every beating and taunt- I can't take this anymore. Kicking him between the legs and then the face sent Daniel agonisingly to the ground, giving you time to grab your bag and run. Bolting downstairs and out of the house was your safest option, negotiating was off the table. The cold stung your arms even more, but you were determined to get to the BAU in time, so you ran. You ran, trying to dodge raindrops and letting the tears consume your eyes, creating hazy streetlights and shop windows. Cars honked as you dashed across the street without looking, and soon enough, the building was in sight.

                 Collapsing into the briefing room chairs, you breathed heavily as the burning on your ribs and arms increased. Painkillers were swallowed almost instantly, and you lifted up your shirt to examine the damage. Your whole right ribcage was purple and black- god, that's got to be a fractured rib- and you tried to bandage it up before anyone else arrived. It was hard to do it yourself, but with a few groans of pain and a hell of a lot of biting your cheek meant the wrap was applied and helped you walk a little more normally. Your arms were bandaged too and just perfectly, your shirt covered the wraps. You sighed, relieved no one had caught you. Oh, crap, I'm drenched!

'Beck?' said Morgan down the hall. 'What are you doing here?'

'I'm,' you cleared your throat, disguising the hurt, 'I'm coming with you.'

'I'm glad,' he half smiled, 'You okay? You're all wet, did you walk here?'

You were faltering. 'Yes, I did.'

'And Dan didn't drive you?' Derek interrogated.

This is your chance, break free, beg for help. 'I didn't want to wake him, he was tired already from the flight.'

'Well, you let me know in the future, I'll come pick you up,' he offered, receiving a smile and a very well concealed wince from you which was further masked by Spencer's arrival. Derek left the room to greet him and probably explain the reason for your appearance. Gritting your teeth & grabbing the table for moral support, whispering, 'Jesus christ,' under your breath was a perfect way of coping with the ever-spreading bruise.

'You're here,' said Hotch from the other doorway.

'I am,' you replied, standing up straight.

'You okay?' he noticed. Shit.

'Yes, I'm alright and I apologise for last night. I'm just adjusting and thought it would be easier.'

'I understand,' Aaron smiled back to you, very weakly, as if he was holding back on saying something, 'Want a coffee?'

'God yes please,' and you followed him down the stairwell...very...very slowly.

'Are you sure you're okay? Do you want some painkillers for that side of yours?' Aaron offered, watching you hold it and walk gingerly down the stairs.

'Mmm already taken some,' you admitted, putting on your subtle concentration face as you made the final few steps. It was dark in the bullpen and Hotch's face was warmly lit by one light. He turned on the coffee machine and leaned against the counter, folding his arms, and watching you prop yourself against a table. He was looking anywhere but at you, and tried to divert his attention yet couldn't help but ask.

'Do you want me to take a look at that?'

Yes, god yes, I do. It's so wrong of you to say that but I miss your touch, I miss how your hands feel on my skin. For the last five months all I have wanted, Aaron, is your touch. Your eyes on me, your presence with me, your arms around me. And I shouldn't be thinking this- I want you, but I can't have you. I've missed you but I can't say that. I want to hug you but I'll just cry. I want so many things, but I am stuck with a person who beats love into me. Please save me, Aaron. I've lost myself and I can't find myself, but I know you would. You'd always find me.

You smiled. 'No, it's okay. I'm fine.'