𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒, ㅤsbi&co

Bee Stung Heart and Death

The truth is, no child save his mother.

No sacrifice a son makes will ever compensate for the ruin and the disaster his mother has struck onto him. Nothing will ever make up for the losses he has had to lose due to his mother.

And yet, this is what many young boys, like Tommy, decide early on in their childhood. This decision made out of love, out of admiration, out of loyalty and a true yearn for his mothers approval and emotional support from the mother.

When Tommy thinks of his mother, she is holding a knife. She in in the kitchen, and the kitchen is the heart of the house and his is always bleeding. The house was an open mouth. When Tommy thought of his mother, she is sleeping on the couch at three AM with pills spilled all over the carpet. She will never hold you in her arms. She will never tell you she loves you, and that she means it.

Tommy's mother doesn't hug him. She doesn't know what to do with him. His father had the anger all kinds of fathers do. Loud and terrible. It lingers for you whole life. So you don't have the love you needed. Big deal.

At one point in time in his childhood, there was a scream of sorrow that never came out.

There's never a healthy atmosphere for a father to vent his rage. And so often it comes out unconsciously onto his children. A son is a very easy target for a fathers rage because the son has not yet realized who he wants to be yet, who he needs to be. The young boy may remind the father of his unlived potential. And if the son feels free to reject some of the weight put on by his father that he desperately needs to swallow, than he can easily trigger that underground rage from the father.

If you're raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. You will find him even when he is not there.

Tommy remembers thinking his father was mean but knowing he was kind. He remembers thinking his father was kind but knowing he was mean.

You are nothing. You will forever be nothing. And nothing you will be.

Tommy knew those words would be engraved into his brain for the rest of his life. He was only seven, but Prime, did he know the effect those words would have on him few years later.

Tommy always thought if his family could have been happier if he had never been born. People would die for their kids. And in a way, he felt like he was only sent to wreck havoc amongst his family. He barely remembers when his father wasn't angry, when his mother wasn't tired and high all the time. Couldn't he give up his life for them? And for a moment he did.

This story will always be happening. When you look at your hands, you think of your mother. When you stand at the mirror, your father looks back. You have only seen his anger. So you have only ever known your anger.

A son should never have to beg his father for a relationship.

He was there. And yet, he was not there. He was rage. He was a child.

Tommy remembers most of his childhood as a long wish to be elsewhere. He's never been in a place he wants to be in.

Tommy stared at his reflection in the mirror. Pale, blemished. He took note of the dark eye bags framing his blue eyes and the runny blood dripping from his teeth. He's looked worse.