Quiet

Chapter 26 - Cornered

Silence. I whisper again. "Demon?"

It's not in my head. Or in front of me. Above? - Just night sky.

Behind me, the road is empty. A stretch of dark houses. One streetlamp too far away.

Stone monuments in the cemetery tower over a long wall on the other side of a narrow parking lot. A night like any other, except part of the darkness over there moves like a tree, rolls like leaves in a breeze.

If I thought like a Yakuza, I would have stayed on the train. I would have stayed among people, but my memory of pleasant walks tricked me. That's the difference between life and death. Bad things happen if you don't anticipate them. I can write a manga story, but I couldn't imagine anything really bad happening to me. That's why I'm here, doing what stupid people do, dying like stupid people do.

My mind rambles, because I'm scared. I take a moment to compose myself. There's nothing out here, just like the other nights I walked home from Jiyugaoka. Just a few minutes ago, a middle-aged woman passed by, and that patch of dark sky that roiled like leaves in the breeze is now smoother than a sheet. Because there's nothing out here with me.

I fill up with love for everybody, including Joel. My mother. My fathers, Mr. Lombardi and Robert Pirone. For my sister and Cynthia and my tolerant friends at school, especially Risa, who actually like my weird, quiet ways.

Alan Lord will be crushed that he couldn't protect me, but it's my fault if my father hates him forever. If I reach the wooden shelter in the park, I'll rest a moment and write Alan a note. He's FBI. He'll find it.

Walking was such a great idea until it wasn't. The details don't really matter, except one. Someone is following me. I pretended it was the demon, because at least the demon likes me, but someone is following me. I can't turn around fast enough, but I hear shoes, the same shoes. I've heard them for awhile, but I wasn't honest with myself about it.

And my demon doesn't wear shoes.

Even though I escaped the Yakuza and a demon, a random pervert will now get me. I will kick his balls. I will gauge out his eyes. I will bite off his nose. If I can.

I'll terrorize him.

To be honest, really honest, I'm in this situation, because I'm stupid. I shouldn't say that, but my long-term confidence isn't important right now.

The Yakuza aren't slouches. Maybe they followed me from Nakameguro. It could even be my second boyfriend. Killing me will break his heart, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. He'll rise in rank, or however it works, and he'll think of me when he's abusing other girls my age for the rest of his life. He'll pay tribute to me by calling them by my name. The world is sick, whether I'm in it or not.

Okay, I'm not really stupid. I'm just exhausted and scared. After walking for ten or fifteen minutes on empty streets, my brain functions better. Inputs from my surroundings are clearer. Dangers I couldn't compute on the train are more obvious. Bad things will happen, but it's not because I'm stupid. Things don't always work out. That's all.

My emotions are getting away from me again, swinging up, swinging down. I'm passed peak efficiency and sliding irreversibly toward total panic. Maybe that's why the Yakuza hasn't jumped me yet, or the random pervert, or the demon. It's better to let me fall apart completely. As soon as I panic, game over.

So don't panic, Makiko Lombardi. Don't panic, Makiko Pirone.

Looking the way I just came, I make a fist and wipe a few tears into my cheeks. I want to come out swinging. I love life and want to fight. If there's a way. If there's any way, I want to fight. "Hey," I say. "Go away. I'm a freak, and l will kill you."