[TonyPerry] Now It's Your Turn To Run

It smells. Bad. I don't like the smell. I should be used to it. He says that I'll get used to it. That it won't bother me anymore soon. But, I'm still waiting. It still doesn't smell good. Like homeless people who haven't had a shower in over a year. It's the needles. And the blood. The powder. All of their drinks.

He says that it isn't something bad. What they're doing. It's not bad. It's life. But, he won't let me do it. Something about it not being for girls. I've seen girls here. Those are women though, he would say.

That's okay. They get scary when they put the needles in their arms and drink whatever they have with them. Little girls aren't allowed to do what they do.

We have a lot of money. He doesn't let me spend a lot of it. I get presents. New Barbies and stuffed animals. But, that's it. He keeps the rest of the money. The house is big. We live in a nice house. It's like a doll house.

Sometimes it gets dirty. Mostly in the kitchen. That's where they all have a play date. I don't get it. He charges people to come to the house. And then gives them a goody bag. We're not having a party. I don't get why they get a goody bag.

When I do homework, he talks really loudly. He gets weird. His body moves and I don't think he has control over it. It doesn't worry me. He told me not to worry. He's okay. He can handle it.

Today, one of his teeth fell out. Just fell. Landed on the table. He didn't even care. It was crazy! He said it didn't matter because it wasn't an important tooth. I think all teeth are important.

Now he looks like his friends. Some of his friends look really old. And dirty. I wonder if they have a nice house, too.

My friends don't come over. He says that I shouldn't invite them over. That I can go to their houses. Because he doesn't think that he can cook for all of us. That his friends are coming over and he doesn't want us to get annoyed by their noise.

It's nice of him. Sometimes he forgets to pick me up, but my friends' moms never mind driving me home. They're nice, too.

I don't know where my mommy is. She left. I don't know when. He doesn't talk about her. It doesn't really matter. I have him and he's all I need.

Once, the police knocked on the door. They had a piece of paper in their hand and searched the whole house! I asked why and they said they did this at every house. I asked my friend. She said they didn't do that at her house. She must be next on the list.

They didn't find anything. Someone cursed and he yelled at him. Told him to watch his mouth in front of me. I'm a big girl. His friends curse all the time. I didn't tell them that, though. He looked angry. And scared.

I've never seen him scared before so I pretended it didn't happen. He said not to talk about it anymore. And after I asked my friend if it happened to her I didn't talk about it again with anyone.

One of his friends asked when I was going to get into the business. That I would make such a good business woman. I think I can do it. But, he said never. That I wasn't going to follow in his footsteps. I don't get it. Why can't I be a business woman?

I'd be a good business woman. I can do it. If he can do it, I can do it. I want to be like him.

Except I want to keep my teeth. And I don't want to smell and look all dirty.

He said I should become a therapist. Or a counselor. I told him I can be a counselor at camp soon. He said not that type of counselor. He said like the counselor who helps people. I've never met one of those. But, he said I would be good at it. I want to make him proud.