What I know

Part One

My name is Kasen and I’m an angel, or at least I’m going to be, when I die. When I say that most people will think I’m crazy, but I’m not. I’m not a religious person and what I am has nothing to do with god, we have had other names, it’s just a name we use because it fits. We are protectors of man-kind, it is what we do and what I will spend my death doing.

Right now I’m in high school, and I enjoy it, not that I can help it. As an angel, or future angel, I don’t feel any bad or negative emotions, only the good. I don’t feel any sinful emotions either, that’s why we are the epitome of what is good.

I cannot even imagine some of the pain and suffering that goes on behind my classmate’s eyes. I see the side effects of it every single day, the tears the anger the heartbreak, but I have never experienced it and I don’t wish to, I love who I am.

My class mates however, don’t love who I am, but that is because they don’t know me, so I don’t blame them for their ignorance. They dislike me because I tell the truth, and the truth bothers them. I know it hurts them when I say these things, but it is wrong to lie, always it is wrong to lie.

Right now I am sitting at my desk, waiting for my French teacher to arrive; French is my first class of the day. I am not very good at French, but I try hard. I am tracing the words that people have carved into the desk, the phone numbers and the swear words, when she arrives, ten minutes late to class.

When I look up I see that she that she is not alone, a boy is following her. The boy does not look like the other boys who go to my school, they all look nice and tidy and vibrant, and this new boy looks cold and dark and dangerous. His skin is dark and his hair is long. He has an unkempt look about him. He is wearing dark jeans and chunky black biker boots. He has a black leather jacket stuffed untidily into his satchel and when he rolls up his sleeves I can see black ink imbedded in his skin.

I watch the boy enter the class room and I follow his gaze, it appears as though he is looking for someone. When his eyes settle on me, I know he has found what he is looking for, and I am uncertain as to why. I am happy that the only free desk is across the room and in front of my own, because that means he cannot watch me like I know he wishes to.

I can see the girls around me sneaking glances at the new boy; although whether it is in discomfort or appreciation I cannot tell. I don’t look at the boy, I refuse to. I look up at the teacher when she speaks and I look at my text book, but I will not look at the boy.

Mrs Lebo, the French teacher calls attendance and I look up at when the new boy’s name is called. His name is Conrad. When I respond to my name he looks up at me and tries to catch my eye, but I look down and study my desk again.

When the bell chimes, signalling the end of the lesson, I get to my feet and shove all my books into my bag and walk from the room as fast as I can, but I am too slow. The boy catches up to me and grabs hold of my arm. What I feel where the skin on his palms touches mine is shocking. My skin begins to tingle and heat runs through my body, a physical sensation that I have never felt before, and something I know I should never feel. I realise what he is then. He is the most dangerous thing there is for someone like me, a future angel. He is here to tempt me, to sway me from my path. What I am is the epitome of good while what he is, is the epitome of evil.

I pull my arm from his grasp and, without looking at him, I run. I run as fast as I can towards the gymnasium, where I have my next class. Today we are swimming.

I head into the locker room and pull my swimsuit out of my locker before stripping from my clothes and putting it on. Most of the other girls around me are nervous of taking their clothes off in front of the others, in fear of being teased for their weight or their shape, I can tell. I can see it in the way they shy away from each other and hide their bodies behind large towels. I don’t care about them seeing my body, because I know there is nothing wrong with it. I can't say that it is beautiful or even nice, because that would be vanity and I am not vain, but it works the way it is supposed to, so I like it. Not that I could hate it, even if it was the size of a house.

I am the first girl to finish changing; I would have been the second if Lindsay Turner bothered to actually put her swim suit on. But she was just happy walking around naked, showing off her slender and shapely body to the girls who are uncomfortable with theirs. Unlike my ambivalence towards my body, Lindsay is entirely vain about hers.

I leave the other girls to their fears and insecurities and make my way out to the indoor swimming pool. There are only a crowd of boys and the teacher when I get there, and they all turn to stare at me. logically I understand why they look at me, my body doesn’t look like most of my class mate’s, it looks more like you should find it on the cover over a magazine not a high school gym, but I don’t understand the attraction and the lustful gazes. I just ignore them.

I sit on the benches and wait for my remaining class mates; they don’t take much longer, although I am surprised that the last person out of the locker room is Conrad, the new boy. He doesn’t come and sit next to me and for that I am pleased. I am surprised when I see that he is wearing both swim trunks and a rash shirt.                    

The teacher, Mr Goldman, asks us to swim laps, as many as we can, for the entire lesson. He designates a slow lane and a fast lane, and he asks to organise ourselves. I go to the fast lane without bothering to think about it. I know that I am a fast swimmer, I enjoy swimming. I love the feeling of weightlessness and the feel of the water caressing my skin. When I swim I feel like I am flying. I am first in line for the fast lane and I dive in the second the whistle blows.

“Kasen!” Mr Goldman calls as I hurry towards the locker room. “You too, new kid.”

I slow down and walk back towards Mr Goldman. Conrad and I arrive at the same time. “Yes Sir?” I ask him.

Mr Goldman looks Conrad and I over briefly. “The swim team is looking for two new members,” he tells us. “What do you think?”

Conrad looks at me and then the teacher before answering. “I don’t know if I can,” he says slowly. “I have… tattoos. Would it be okay to represent the school like that?”

Mr Goldman looked disappointed. “How many?” he asks curiously.

“A lot.” Conrad answers.

“Wearing what you have on now should be fine, and it doesn’t seem to slow you down much, does it boy?” Mr Goldman says with a chuckle. “And what about you missy, what do you say, do you want to join the team?” he says happily as he turns to me.

“I would love to.” I reply.

“Great!” he says enthusiastically. “Training starts tomorrow straight after school.” He claps both Conrad and I on the shoulders and he shoos us away. “Off you go now, can’t be late for next period.”

Conrad turns to me and opens his mouth as if to say something, but I cut him off. “I’m not interested in anything you have to offer,” I tell him truthfully. “So please leave me alone.”

Conrad scowls at me. “You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says before walking to the boys' locker room, and leaving me alone.

Conrad’s words run through my mind for the rest of the day, but I cannot help it. I know what he is, and I know his kind lies, but his words resonate within me, because I also know that there is a lot I don’t understand.  

 Hey, thanks for reading. I would really appreciate some criticism, because I want to make this story better. So please, if there is anything at all that you like or dislike, don’t hesitate to tell me. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated.