What I know

Part Three

I always thought I knew, at least a little bit, about what it was like to be human, but it turns out I don’t. I lie in Conrad’s strong arms and I realise that everything I thought I knew was a lie. I know nothing.

The pain slowly leaves my body and a happiness I never thought possible takes over. I snuggle closer to Conrad’s body and I reach up to where his hands stroke my hair and place mine on top, revelling in the sensation of his skin on mine. I marvel at the feeling of my blood rushing through my veins, the way my heart speeds up as his hand travel lower and begin tracing the edges of my, now dry, swimsuit.

I moan as Conrad moves away. “We should probably leave.” He whispers into my ear, making shivers erupt through my body. Reluctantly I agree and we stand up and leave the locker room, but I refuse to let go of his hand. He doesn’t appear to mind.

“My mother should be waiting for me.” I tell him and unwillingly untangle our hands. When I walk outside the parking lot is nearly empty and my mother’s car is nowhere to be seen.

Conrad watches my bewildered face as I continue to search the lot for something that isn’t there. He envelops my hand in his. I turn to look at him, curious as to why. He grins and pulls me along to where a lone motorcycle is parked. I am surprised by another new feeling brought on by the boy in front of me. Curiosity, the desire to know more, this was something I liked.   

“Lucky for me then isn’t it Kasen.” Conrad whispers.

I grin at him. “Why?” I ask, happy to want knowledge. I feel excited and I felt nervous, I finally know why they call it butterflies. I laughed at it in wonder.

I look up into Conrad’s eyes and he grins back, it makes his face look so much younger and innocent and unbelievably beautiful. “Because that means I get to spend more time with you.” he tells me.

I look at the motorcycle and decide I’m not quite ready for that. “Time with me on a motorcycle?” I ask him. I stop and refuse to walk any closer.

“If you don’t want to, we can always walk.” He says to me, and I can see that he is trying to supress a smile.

“Walking is good,” I tell him quickly. “I like to walk.”

“Kasen, you’re an angel, you like everything.” He says and he takes my hand and leads me away from the school.   

I shake my head at him. “That’s not true.” I deny, and he turns to look at me. “I don’t like motorcycles.” I decide suddenly, not even sure where the feeling came from, but I am absolutely sure that it’s true.

This time Conrad can’t supress the laughter and he lets out a long and happy chuckle. “Are you happy that you don’t like something?” he asks me curiously.

“Yes,” I tell him and I drag him along the side walk, ignoring his laughter. “So where are we going?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” He says slowly and looks around the shopping complex we have arrived at. “Tell me something about you?” He asks.

“About what?”

“About being an angel,” he clarifies.

I look at him and decide not to hold back. “I never wanted anything until I felt your hand on my skin.” I say quietly, half hoping that he won’t hear.

At my words he raises his hands and cups my face, tracing my lips with the pads of his thumb. He leans close to my ear and whispers, “don’t ever feel embarrassed about wanting me.”

I blush and I stand still for a moment, relishing the sensation of the heat in my cheeks. It’s nice.

Conrad takes my shoulders and begins to push me towards the supermarket. I have no idea what we are doing here but I follow without uttering a word in protest. I trust him. He leads me down an aisle and stops in front of the peanut butter.

“You said you’ve never wanted anything, does that include food?” he asks. I nod. “That explains how you’re so skinny.”

“Hey!” I protest.

“Don’t worry,” he commands with a chuckle. “It’s a good skinny.”

Conrad reaches for a jar of Nutella on the shelf and holds it out in front of me. “Does that mean you’ve never craved chocolate?”

I examine the packet briefly. “That’s not chocolate, it’s hazelnut.” I tell him. I watch him as he glances up and down the aisle suspiciously. I gasp when he removes the lid and dips his finger inside the jar and scoops up a heap of the brown spread.

“Are you telling me that you don’t want this?” he asks, waving his brown finger in front of my face.

I can’t tell him any such thing, because it would be a lie. I have never wanted anything more than I want the Nutella on his finger. Without giving myself time to think to talk myself out of it, I take hold of his hand and bring it towards my mouth. I put his finger in my mouth and swirl my tongue around it, removing the Nutella in the process. I never take my eyes of Conrad and when I begin to gently suck on his finger to remove the last of the spread we simultaneously let out an audible moan.

“Never tasted anything better.” I whisper breathlessly and step closer to him.

Conrad places the Nutella on the shelf and pulls me closer to him. He rests his forehead on mine and stares into my eyes. When I see in his penetrating I know I am lost forever.

“Is there anything else you want?” Conrad asks with a breathless chuckle.

There is something else I want, but I am unsure whether or not to ask for it. As I consider it, Conrad’s earlier words come back to me. “I want to see where you live.” I tell him. I want to know everything there is to know about him, whether it is good or bad, ugly or beautiful. I need to know.

“That means you’ll have to ride the motorcycle.” He tells me and I just nod, because I am so thrilled that he didn’t deny me. “Okay, let’s go.”

The motorcycle is terrifying, and I love it. The adrenaline flowing through my veins makes me feel invincible. I am glad when I get off though.

Conrad pulls into a small, run-down apartment building and he leads me to a small first floor apartment. He pulls out a key and uses it to unlock the flimsy door. He opens the door and what I see shocks me. Inside is a single room with a small kitchen and a bed shoved into a corner. Directly opposite me is an open door showing me a tiny bathroom.

“You live here?” I ask softly, unsure of how to feel. I have never lived anywhere but my parent’s home, and this seems unfair.

“Kasen, what did you expect?” he says. “You know what I am, and I’ve been doing this for ten years.” He takes my hand in his and leads me to the bed where I sit down gratefully.

“Why?” I ask him. “Why do you do this?” Conrad looks over at me and the shock on his face tells me that he never expected me to ask that question.

“Because I was a victim,” he says softly, “because I never wanted what happened to me to happen to somebody else.” The pure agony I see in his eye compels me to go up to him and wrap my arms around him. I hold him as tight as I can and I never want to let go.

“What happened?”

He steps away from me and I let out a faint cry. I bury it when I see him reach for the hem of his t-shirt. He pulls it off and what I see makes me want to cry for him. Conrad didn’t lie when he said that he had tattoos, but what he didn’t say was that every single one of those tattoos has been cut and split and then haphazardly sewn back together.

“They did this to you.” I whisper and try to hold back my tears. “We did this to you.” Everything I believed in my whole life is pulled out from under me. My world, my values, everything. “Why?” I ask plaintively although I’m not entirely sure I want the answer.

“Because I deserved it.” He said coldly.