Our Lives Beyond Us

When it All got Fucked up(literally)

   Talking to him has been going on for two months, and I was already getting questioned from him asking, "What are we?" I couldn't respond so I just said we were nothing. I didn't really mean that, but I knew for a fact that I could not end up with this boy in the end.

   For he had no future and no emotional drive. He was definitely not the man of my dreams or close, but I didn't care because for some reason I fell in love with almost any boy that showed me any act of kindness. Maybe it could be my daddy issues that since my dad is only in my life for two times a year, or maybe it could be hormones...who knows?

    Anyways just as toxic as he is, he's disappeared again, as in not answering any of my face-times or texts. When he does this he eventually comes back and comes up with somehow a reasonable excuse of why he couldn't talk to me, and like the fool I am I believe him over and over and over...again. This time as one usually should be..I was fed up. I knew that I had to focus on my relationship and stop fucking around with a boy who will never equal up to the things she can do.

    I texted her one day after school that I was coming over to her house. I arrived in less then 10 minutes, considering the fact that she lives one street across from me. Her dad who loves me, was the one to let me in. "Hi Mr. Windel" I said. He already knew who I was looking for as he immediately said, "She's upstairs".

   As I made my way upstairs I was ready to lie and take her to my house with my mom not home and her mom at work. It was the perfect plan, for this time things were going to get more active then me just kissing her.

   As I was taking her to my house I can tell she knew exactly what was going to happen, because the smile on my face had no intention of going away.

   We couldn't even make it into my room before I pushed her against the wall and held her neck with one hand while kissing her. I kissed her like I was hungry but never full, erasing and erasing to get it right but never satisfied. With the messy short gasps of air between our breathing, all the thoughts that I was keeping bottled up thinking about her while talking to him were all coming out, like a painting of vibrant colors being spread on a blank canvas.

   She was my painting, and I wanted to color her with all the bright colors I could think of.
You know that feeling that you get when you do all you can to express how you feel but it's never enough? That's how I felt. Even though my hands were already touching up and down her body it was NEVER enough.

   I decided to take her to my bed. I didn't know how this was going to work out, but I knew I was just going to let my body do the talking.

    As I pushed her on the bed, I told her to relax for I can tell she was getting butterflies just from my touch. I started up and worked my way down by kissing her lips, then her neck, then breasts, then her stomach, then I just  kissed the inside of her thighs and gave her a little bit of hickey's bc why not...then I teased her and licked the outside of her vagina folds, and then worked my way up to her clit and rubbed it for a while, and then licked around it and sucked on it for a good minute, after that I stuck my tongue in her hole and just went in and out fast while rubbering her clit.

What sounded like breaths of relief and satisfaction, I decided to go in with my fingers. Starting with one just in case if I hurt her, I pushed it in and out over and over again, and each time I picked up speed to go faster. She puts her hand on top of mine as to indicate her wanting more, so I add another finger. She cocks her head back and starts breathing faster and her face winces as if she's in pain, but the pain feels good enough to bare.

I can tell I was making her wet and that she was almost close to coming. With two more pushes of my fingers she let go of my hand and opened her eyes wide and gasped for air so loud, as if all the air was leaving but it came back.