Dorm 5108 | Mattheo Riddle

seven.

Mattheo didn't agree easily. He made it so that I have to help in equal value and his request wasn't a simple one either. In order for Mattheo to help with my confidence, he asks me to help him with Ria–to assist in whatever way I can to aid him in overcoming his feelings for a girl that will never respond with the love he desires.

I haven't ever been in a relationship; there are no fingers I can count listing a prior boyfriend or former significant other. I avoid people so it's obvious no one will ever take a romantic interest in me (I have accepted my solitude but if another person does take interest in me then that would be icing to the cake). Regretful nights with strangers on the other hand, that will take up fingers, thumbs and even toes, but I don't think my experience in that area will help in getting over an affection that has permeated so deeply into Mattheo's heart and mind. I don't even know where to begin or how to start helping.

On the opposite spectrum of my cluelessness, Mattheo has given me daily and weekly tasks. It includes a variety of exercises, beginning with looking at my reflection for a minute with an increase of one minute each day after until I'm comfortable with what I see in the mirror. Mattheo had to hold my head still on the first day because it's always been in a perpetual state of gazing downwards. He even went as far as trimming my fringe so I wouldn't be able to hide behind my hair. After the mirror reflection exercise, I have to identify my good traits and voice them with believability. Every person has a strength and I should concentrate and focus on the things I excel to encourage a positive mindset.

There's also trying something new each week, talking with my friends about my emotions to hone my social skills, and put care into my appearance. The latter does not mean wearing mini skirts and short cropped tops, but to wear what I think makes me look attractive and beautiful in my own eyes. I should dress to please myself and not for the satisfaction of others.

Every task is way out of my safety zone. I can barely glimpse at my face without squirming in my own skin. Each item on Mattheo's list puts me in an uncomfortable state. But change is slow and with time, I hope it will all come with ease.

The last item is to always end with a smile. The only problem is, I have a hard time smiling when I am not in the mood. An example is being stuck in a car heading towards a house in the woods with Mattheo driving and Bella in the front passenger seat, spewing about her life as a catalogue model.

Given the social circumstances of this unexpected trip, I suggest I stay home because there is nothing I dread more than to be in a confined area with six people (Blaise and his girlfriend Luna, Pansy and her latest interest Adrian, Mattheo and his not-girlfriend Bella). Everyone with a plus one, and then there's me–the lone wolf. I provide no use and can't offer much to the cause since the house has been recently renovated by Mattheo's aunt, and she asked if he and his friends could test out the home to find anything that may need changing. I really did not want to go but Mattheo refuted with one of my weekly challenges; try something new.

Little did he know, I already completed the task of something new this week. Though, I'm not sure if I want to tell him what it is.

Sitting in the backseat, I listen to Bella talk about her next shoot and how she's going to be wearing a one of a kind by some French designer. "Rhi, have you seen his dresses? They are jewels and beadings on steroids."

I respond with a meek grin, having no idea who she is talking about or what the dresses look like. I assume pretty and stunning on a girl like Bella. I'm sure she'll wear the dresses well. For about 30 minutes more, she overpraises the man's colour palette, classic romantic styling, and silhouette designs. I respond with languid nodding and "That's really great. Nice. Wow." I'm sure if my mother was alive, she would contribute to the conversation far better than I can.