The Anatomy of Pain

Dolor

Living in a household where in hindi pinapakingan yung opinion mo is very tiring I can't voice out my thoughts hindi din ako nakakasabay sa kanila.

In a big medieval styled house in a 12 seater dining table, my dad on the middle and on his right is my mom seated and on the other side is my older brother. Kompleto kaming nasa hapagkainan for my mom asked for it dahil matagal na daw kaming walang family time

My older brother has his own house while my older sister is still living with my parents and my younger sister has her own condo near the hospital while the youngest sibling studying abroad. Kaya mom ask our Sunday para daw sa family time

Habang kumakain kami si Tamarah voice out her mind. Tamarah is known to be the very talkative member of the family siya yung kahit saan mo ilagay my topic talaga.

"Mom, have you heard about the Universal Hepatitis C treatment?" tanong ni tamarah my youger sister.

"Yes it was said that there is a new approved fixed dose combination medication that has vastly improved the treatment for hepatitis C" tugon naman ni mommy

"that's a great news specially hepatitis has emerged as a major public health issue nowadays" pagsali ko sa kanilang usapan.

As I voice out my opinion parang wala lang silang narinig and teatianah looked at me ridiculously eying me at first for 2 seconds then place a small smile on her red lips and rolled her eyes.

"it is said to have more than 90 percent effective for Hepatitis C genotypes treatment " teatianah rebuted to my younger sister. While shes my older sister kasi ako ang middle child.

Habang sinasabi nya yun parang pinapalabas niya na my respond to the topic is shallow kaya hindi na ako nag salita. Because they sound so smart yet me nevermind hindi lang naman ako as informed as them about that topic. Nasa punto na ako na I stop trying to please them.

"yeah it's an effective therapy option for a wider scope of patient. Last time I check some hospitals in Philippines is also operating this treatment" sabi naman ni Thorn my older brother.

"dad, hindi paba inaproved ng DOH if this therapy can be used as a treatment for hep C?" tanong ni mommy kay daddy kasi dad is working in DOH as Health Program Officer I.

"we're still conducting research and test for it to be approved pa Hon pero so far the results are good so we can't say yet what will be the decision pa." Dad close the topic as he drink his water and ask the maid to clean his used plates.

While dad went to his office kami naman pumonta kaming salas to watch movies with mom I sat on the single sofa while tamarah, teatianah and mom sat on the long sofa while si thorn pumuntang kusina hindi ko alam anong ginawa

Mommy is trying to access face time and dialed Tileah, every Sunday talaga si mommy tumatawag kay tileah who is studying abroad,habang tinatawagan ni mommy si teyah, Tamarah and Teatianah is browsing the ipad trying to shop online habang ako im watching them.

Naririnig ko si teatianah na tinatanong si tamarah pina papili ni teatianah si tamarah, kung ano ang mas maganda the LV bag or the channel bag .

"You buy the LV bag while I'll buy the channel Bag para we have both and lets just lend eachother. " suhesyon ni tamarah parang tangan namang pumalakpak yung kapatid ko at kinalabit na si mommy.

Tamarah is talking to mommy on this LV and Channel bag gusto nya bumili din si mommy para si mommy na mag bayad sa bibilhin nila. But mom is busy talking to teyah .

After a couple of minutes hindi ko na malayan na si thorn ay naglalakad palapit sa akin thorn sat on the armrest of the sofa that im sitting tapos he hand me the mango float na kinuha nya sa kitchen. And he reach the keyboard and remote control ng T.V habang nag se-search sa youtube ng balita tungkol sa mga latest na kaganapan he search on the search bar NCA news. Habang sila ay may kanya kanyang ganap while im trying to check my IG account para may magawa lang.

Pagkalipas nang ilang oras nagpaalam na kami na gagahap nasa kanya kanyang tinutuloyan. Habang hinahatid na kami ni mommy sa labas ng bahay hindi ko mapigilang masaktan sapagkat meron silang payo galing kay mommy na dapat raw mag-ingat sila dahil humaharap sila sa mga pasyente nila at dapat completo sila sa vaccines. Hindi ko ma pigilang mangulila sa alaga ng isang ina kagaya ng sa kanila.

Alam ko naman na isa akong nurse hindi ako doctor kagaya nila pero nag tratrabaho din ako sa ospital kagaya nila humaharap din ako sa piligro kagaya nila at kagaya nila anak din ako. Pero binaliwala ko lang yung puot na nanunuot sa puso ko I tried to hide it by smiling. Humalik kami kay mommy while saying our goodbyes at kanya kanya na kaming buhay ng makina ng aming behikulo. Pinaharorot na ni tamarah ang kanyang spider na Ferrari at ang Mercedes Benz ni thorn habang ako binuhay ko ang makina ng aking behikulo habang paalis na sila. Lumapit si mommy saakin namay kunot sa kanyang noo grimace can be seen on her face. Habang palapit sa akin kaya naman ang ginawa ko sinuot ko nalang yung helmet ko at inumpisahang buhayin ang makina ng aking motorsiklo tinawag ni mommy ang pangalan ko.

"thaj, why are you riding that thing that's not appropriate for you to ride on." with displease tone mom eyed my bike

Wala akong masagot sa sinabi ni mommy kasi hahaba at hahaba lang ang litanya kapag nag Begay ako ng saluobin ko kaya nanahimik nalang ako

"by the way you're enrolled na on Monday next week is your first day inaasahan namin nang daddy mo na this time you won't disappoint us."

"mom, diba sabi ko naman sayo im okay being a nurse im happy and honored being a nurse"

"Your Honored? Listen Cielo kung ikaw sapat na sayo ang pagiging nurse better then change your family name." walang prenong sabi ni mommy I was so thankful suot ko yung helmet ko hindi nya makikita ang mga titig ko sa kanya

Habang sinasabi yon ni mommy wala akong masagot sa kanya. Tumango nalang ako binuhay ko ang makina ng aking motorsiklo with an aching heart I flew

As I drove with dolor, I opened my helmet for I can't breathe, the wind is drying my tears yet the wind can't dry out the blood that kept on flowing from the broken pieces of my heart. 

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Hope you like it ❤️
- meatlop