"I, Risa Hontiveros, take you as my partner, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. For the rest of my life, I promise to be faithful to you in good times as well as bad, to love and honor you as much as possible."
Leni's eyes welled up with tears as she watched Risa say those words out loud. She sighed heavily and let her head drop to the floor.
"We've heard your vows to get married and spend the rest of your lives together. We recognize and respect the covenant you have made here today in front of each of us as witnesses, and we thank you for it. In light of what you have said and done here today, and with the power vested to me by you, I am pleased to declare you husband and wife for the rest of your lives. Seal those vows with a kiss. "
Leni turned her back and dashed away from the church, where Risa and James' wedding ceremony was taking place. She simply couldn't take it any longer. Hindi niya kayang makitang ikasal ang kanyang mahal sa iba. Risa and Leni had been in a relationship for three years, but things didn't work out between them. Limang taon ang lumipas simula ng piliin ni Risa na tapusin kung ano ang meron sakanila.
"Leni, hindi ko na kaya ang ganito." Risa said as a single tear streamed down Risa's cheeks,"Hindi naman pwedeng palaging ganito, Ga. Na ako na lang palagi ang nag aadjust sa relasyong to." She could feel her throat tightening.
"Sa, look at me. Alam kong marami akong pag kukulang sayo at handa akong bumawi. Sa please" Leni took a deep breath, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"Ilang beses ko na narinig yan, Leni. Mas madaming beses ko pang narinig sayo na babawi ka kesa, kesa — kesa sa mahal mo ako", Despite her best efforts, Risa is unable to close her luggage due to her mounting frustration.
"Alam mo Leni, intindi naman kita. Kung yun lang naman ang pagbabasehan ng relasyong to. Intinding intindi kita." Her voice cracked because of too much emotion. "Alam kong hindi mo ako pwedeng Ipangalandakan sa publiko para na rin sa kapakanan mo at ng mga anak natin. Pero Leni, gusto ko lang namang maramdaman na mahal mo ako. Leni, kahit hindi tayo pwedeng magsama in public, I would appreciate it if you could at the very least make me feel loved and valued by you pero hindi mo nagagawa. Kasi Lens, parang ako lang yung gumagawa ng efforts dito ei. Ako lang itong todo habol para makuha ang atensyon mo. Lens, girlfriend mo ako, hindi lang supporter." Risa sighed and wiped the bridge of her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. Biting her lip, she tried to keep her feelings under control. Her body is trembling and her cheeks are flushing. Suminalampak siya sa sahig dahil sa panghihina. Leni, on the other hand, remained silent as she realized Risa was correct.
"Mahal kita, Sa. Sobra", Leni spoke in hushed tones, reaching out to touch Risa's hands, but the other woman refused.
"Hindi ko maramdaman, Leni." Pumipiyok na saad ni Risa. Leni had a feeling something like this would happen between them. Ilang beses na niyang nababalewala ang girlfriend niya. Texts that have gone unanswered, phone calls that have been denied, dates that have been canceled, and efforts that have gone unreturned. Lahat ng mga iyon, kasalanan ni Leni. But despite all these, Risa remained patient and understanding to her girlfriend. Leni on the other hand has taken Risa for granted. Dahil alam niyang hindi aalis si Risa sa tabi, she shrugged off the notion that RIsa would become tired of their current arrangement.
"Sasa, please give me another chance" Leni said, eyes bloodshot and puffy. Yun na lamang ang mga salitang kaya niyang masabi dahil alam niya na kahit anong sabihin nya, buo na ang desisyon ni Risa. She was well aware that this would happen, but she had not expected that it would happen today. Risa rose to her feet and closed her suitcase, while Leni remained seated.
"I'm tired, Leni. I tried but I'm tired. Pagod na ako sa mga palusot mo, sa mga excuses mo. Kasi kung totoong mahal mo ako, gagawin mo ang lahat para maiparamdam saakin yun ei. Pero wala, puro ka salita." Pagpapatuloy ni Risa.
"Nakakatawa nga ei." Risa wiped her eyes while fake laughing. "Andaming taong saludo sayo kasi you show up in the most difficult times, na lahat ng pangako mo, natutupad mo. Lens, bakit hindi mo maapply sa relasyon natin" The words came out of Risa's mouth as she was on the verge of collapsing. Leni simply closed her eyes, knowing full well that she was the one to blame. Risa smiled sadly and wiped the tears from her eyes as she walked out of Leni's condo. Immediately upon closing the door, Leni's sobs convert into whimpers. She is struggling to take a breath because her heart is pounding so furiously in her chest.
"Ma, you're up" Aika, her eldest, said while caressing her head.
"What happened?" She curiously asked. She looked around and realized she was in the hospital. "Bakit tayo nandito?" She added.
"You left the church just before the wedding finished. Hinanap ka namin at tinawagan pero di ka sumasagot. Next thing we knew, nandito ka na. You were hit by a car. Buti na lang hindi ka masyadong napano. What happened ba, Ma?"
"Nothing. Occupied lang siguro ako because of work. Okay naman ako ngayon ei" she smiled as if everything is fine.
"Ay ma, bumisita kanina si Tita Sen at si Tito James kaso you're sleeping pa and they don't want to bother you na." Leni just smiled and nodded.
"Nak, wala ka bang trabaho?" tanong niya kay Aika.
"Meron po Mama. Inaantay ko lang si Patty para may bantay kayo"
"Pumasok ka na, Anak. Okay na ako dito. Antayin ko na lang din si Pat. Baka ma'late ka pa ei"
"Sige po, Ma. 30 mins na lang po, time na. Okay ka lang ma ha? Una na po ako. I love you, Mama." Leni nodded and muttered i love you too.
Her tears began to flow as soon as Aika left the room. Hindi niya pa kayang tanggapin pero ito ang dapat gawin.She rose from her hospital bed, removed all of the devices that were implanted in her body, and changed her clothes.
Aiks, Patty, Jill, mga anak, I left the hospital. Going to Batangas now. I'm fine. just want to relax. I love you. Wag muna kayong pumunta dito.
She got into her car and drove to their favorite spot in Batangas. She sat on the sand, her gaze fixed on the crashing waves beneath her feet. Five years. It took her five years to realize that she needed to let Risa go. She stayed there for a while before fetching a bracelet from her pocket. It was the pink leather band she had given to Risa before the campaign and had been given back to her after the breakup. She threw it into the water and walked away.
If loving her entails letting go, and letting go means giving Risa the happiness she so richly deserved, she will do so. Sabi nga diba, ang pagmamahal ay mapagpalaya. The pain of losing someone you care about, you love so deeply is excruciating. The pain will be so torturous that you may even want to rush back and attempt to "take control of the situation." But, don't. Allow them to go. Allow them to roam free. Because loving someone means allowing them to live the life they wanted, the life that will make them grow, the life they deserved. True love is apt to exist unhindered. If it's real love, then let it breathe.
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Thank you for your patience as I have not been able to publish for the past few weeks. Sobrang busy lang sa work and sa school. I hope you all liked it. Love you huhuhu
