The Value of Tears (En- JayWon) ✔

XXXIII

Jungwon

I am contemplating if I should swim back or not because I don't know if I will get the answer I want or I will just end up broken hearted.

I saw Jay hyung still seated on the shore as if he's waiting for something or someone that I almost want to go to him but my mind does not want to as it still replays everything that has happened.

Until I spot a rock, I just went there to think. I don't care if it is still evening because I can just sleep here.

How can I face Jay hyung now after knowing everything?

Can we still be back to what we were before?

At first, I admit I am very mad at him for lying to me and all. I want to punch him in the face as hard as I could.

However, when I recall all our moments together, I can't help but question myself if what I'm doing is really the right thing.

But then, if he's pretending, then it is no use for me to think about him because he probably isn't thinking about me.

But what if he really do love me? What if his feelings are real? Then he is probably hurting right now right? He might be waiting for me right?

I smiled at the thought of him really loving me because all those times we shared, the hugs, cuddles, kisses, all of those are the happiest for me. Being able to feel small in his arms and how I am so valued so much by him, those moments are priceless to me.

However, I'm scared now. I'm scared that I might not trust him like how I used to. I hate that I now have some doubt in him because if he's really in love with me, I might hurt him for not trusting him.

I sat in the cave as I think of my life choices.

If Jay hyung is really pretending, I could hear his explanation for the last time and then leave for good. But I know I won't be able to handle it properly but then I'd be free from his lies.

If he is not lying and he really do love me, it will be the best decision I made because then we will be happy but then I would feel scared.

Why would I be scared? Jay hyung won't hurt me right? I trust him.

No matter what that Sooho will say, I will believe what Jay hyung will say because no matter what kind of monster I saw on that video, I have been with Jay hyung and know him enough than Sooho whom I just met and who is someone who is after Jay hyung.

I won't let the relationship between us to be destroyed just because of some person trying to break Jay hyung. I won't let that someone destroy Jay hyung.

For the last time, I will try to trust him. . .

________

(Present time)

And I made the best decision of my life.

I gulped when Jay hyung hovered me with the look on his face that is full of unanswered questions.

"What's wrong hm?"

I pushed him away as I sat up and look at him.

"I just want to ask . . why me? There are many people who could love you and who you can love so I'm just curious, why me?"

A soft kiss was placed on my lips.

"There are indeed many people out there but none caught my attention. There are times that there are people who caught my attention but even if I do like them in some way, they don't make me feel any different. I don't feel the need to make effort and it feels not right. But with you, I am challenged to do something. . . you have no idea how I don't always cook for others but then I cooked because you asked me to. You just have to ask something and then I just like have to do it because I want you to be happy. And that's when I realized how it is not just making you happy, it is also making me happy. You're tough but at the same time a softie. I know you can handle yourself but I also want to protect you .  .  . I always question myself whenever I'm with you because I am always like "how on earth am I doing this?" . . . it's simple Carrots, we both made each other comfortable enough to let go of our own selves"