Mclennon Drabbles

Cuddles?

A/N: This is an AU where I made Paul asexual because reasons(it's the basis of the plot lmao)
(in reality he was anything but,,,, *coughs*manwhore*coughs*)
Warnings: i use the word fuck too often and also italicize way too many things. also the title is shit
Disclaimer: I'm not asexual please don't hate me if I did something wrong and also tell me and I'll fix it
~

In grammar school Paul fit in with his classmates fine. The boys and girls still claimed that the opposite sex had cooties, and he was more focused on what game he and his friends would play when break came around instead of getting the attention of some girl. On the weekends his time was spent roughhousing with his brother Michael and doing chores around the house. In the summer months the small family would take a short vacation to Blackpool and spend a day or two lingering around the beaches and boardwalks. Paul observed boys his age staring unabashedly at girls in their swimsuits, long smooth legs on show and soft skin glowing in the sun's rays. He supposed they were decent to look at but didn't really get why anyone could look at another human and want to kiss them, let alone go further than that. He decided that perhaps he was just too inexperienced to understand.

~

When Paul met John it was probably the most fear inducing thing he'd ever gone through, because John was older and cooler, and fuck, he was extremely attractive from an objective viewpoint. At age fifteen it was fairly obvious that something was different about Paul, and it made him feel so outcasted and nervous when interacting with other teenagers. Nobody knew his skin crawled at the very thought of sex, that he failed to get turned on by the idea no matter how hard he tried. He knew he would be ridiculed if he breathed a word of his feelings, not that he knew how to even string them together into a coherent sentence.

John was a live wire when he met the younger boy; not completely sober and high off of the adrenaline of playing during the fete making him appear confident and bold. His arm wrapped too snugly around Paul's shoulders and he laughed breathily too close to his face considering they were nothing but strangers.

"Play us something, then. You must be alrigh' if Ivan says so." He said, ushering him over to his discarded, worn acoustic.

Paul does as he says and pretends not to notice the way the older boy's eyes bore into him when he flips the guitar upside down to accommodate his left handed-ness and begins to strum. He doesn't like the stare he's receiving. It's like John knows there's something wrong with him and it makes his mouth dry and his fingers twitch clumsily against the strings.

~

Hamburg is his own personal hell. They're next to the fucking red light district and it's all who can gets the most girls, who's getting laid tonight, how many women can you have desperate for you because you can play a bit of music. His bandmates have been given a bit of freedom and now he's the only one not exercising it; always mumbling excuses of not feeling well so he can retreat to their less than comfortable living arrangements and pretend that this is normal. He lays on a lumpy mattress and stares blankly ahead, his own thoughts keeping him conscious for hours on end. Even George has come out of his shell here, his only friend he could relate to when it came to sexual matters. He'd lost that connection he secretly shared with him - secretly, because he'd rather cease existing than have the group know he's a virgin still.

Paul doesn't know how he got himself into this situation, but his hands are numb and he feels like the bile will start rising in his throat any minute. His back is against a wall in their tiny room behind that German cinema and his knees are pulled up towards his chest, like he's trying hard to cover and protect himself. He's alone with a fucking drunk John Lennon, and he doesn't doubt that the guitarist is out of it from the uppers he took earlier today before their show. He keeps asking questions, about things that Paul doesn't want to acknowledge at all.