a gentleman's mistress

V. June 13th, 1989

You know how you go through your life thinking you were normal?

Well, that's what I thought too.

That is until I met Lucianus Kairos Desdemona when I was 17 years old.

He got hurt, broke into my house then helped himself to the first aid kit and then later, me.

For us, nothing was supposed to happen later. But then, I met him again in college when he came as a guest speaker.

I'm not sure if it's him or me who initiated it, but we somehow bumped into each other at the after-party. He spilled a drink on me and then offered to pay for the cleaning fee. We exchange numbers.

One meeting became two, and two became three.

Then, another first kiss.

But, he took that away again.

Lucian returned to my life a few days before my 19th birthday. We bumped in the elevator on my way to class, but then the elevator stopped working. While we were stuck inside, we started talking and then, again, exchanged numbers.

Another date.

Another broken heart.

Lucian returned my memories, and we got into a fight. Well, not much of a fight, but I was angry at him. Angry and upset that he took away us without my permission.

Somehow, he sweet talked me into forgiving him. We stayed together for two months until he told me he couldn't stay anymore. He begged for my forgiveness, and when I gave it to him, he took away us again.

At least, that time, he did it with my permission.

Then, he came back on Christmas and stayed until New Year.

My 20th birthday.

And then, 21st.

In and out he goes in my life.

And now, with all my memories back, I understood why I can never commit to a relationship or even a second date.

He fucked me up.

"Mira," Lucian says, "Are you angry?"

When I opened my mouth, laughter came out, "Am I angry?" I shake my head, "No. By now, I think I'm used to you erasing my memories."

Lucian grabbed the box of jewelry and placed it in front of me, "You have impeccable taste, as always."

I cross my arms and exhale a sharp breath to calm myself down, "Really? You screw me on my birthday and then you ghost me with a note?"

"Mira-"

"I couldn't sleep for weeks, because I thought I got drugged by a random man at the club," I inhaled a sharp breath, "And I went to the hospital to get tested."

"Please-"

"And you want to know what's even more...funny?"

"You're going to tell me."

"Oh, I'll tell you." I took a step closer, "I went to the hospital."

He exhaled.

"I went to the same damn hospital so often, because I keep waking up without any recollection of what happened! They gave me a pamphlet to see a psychiatrist!"

"I-"

"And-" The volume in my voice dropped, "They referred me to a sex addiction counselor."

"You are upset."

I nod.

Lucian leans against the glass and then taps it once. The jeweler came out from the back, "Yes, Your Grace?"