Jennie
The following morning I awoke to a still empty bed. I felt my heart sunk lower into my chest as a dull ache settled within me. Lisa hadn't returned home as her cold spot on the bed stared at me in immaculate tidiness.
Before my thoughts could have conjured their own dark exploration, my stomach rolled as I rushed out of bed. My morning sickness was by far worse this morning and Lisa wasn't here. What if this was how my future was to be unfold?
I felt her absence consume me like the weight of a thousand brinks on my chest as doubt plagued my mind. Blinking away the tears, I washed up then made my way down to the kitchen surprised to see a maid emptying platters onto the countertop.
"Good morning madam." A young maid greeted happily in an Irish accent, "I trust that you slept well, Ms. Manoban called in and requested breakfast to be sent for you. I hope you are feeling better this morning."
Murmuring my thank you in response, the maid soon left after a quick tidy-up. I was torn between feeling a sense of gratitude that Lisa remembered me or feeling disappointment that I have not heard from her since last night when she had left for the party. It had only proven to remind me of the stark reality that I was in.
She didn't owe me anything. She didn't know about the baby and someone like her would never want to be tied down forever with such a huge responsibility. With a heavy heart I forced some breakfast into my empty stomach and drank some more of the warm lemon tea thankful that Lisa had at least remembered something.
It was almost midday by the time I had showered and lounged around busying myself but Lisa still had not returned home and I have not heard from her. Worry cramped my being, so without thinking twice I picked up the phone and tried her number. Listening attentively I heard the call ring a couple times on the other line before someone picked up..
"Hello..." I started of saying relieved to hear her voice right after she cut me off.
"Jennie, I cannot speak right now." And with that she ended the call leaving me staring blankly at the dark screen.
Was this the moment I have been waiting for?
The moment when my heart would completely shatter.
Her dismissal tone cut through my heart. I had not realised that I was crying until a sob made its way past my bitter throat. The cruel taste of pain refused to leave my mouth as I cried deep into the pillows of my old room that was given to me it had seemed like a lifetime ago.
It was after all where I had belonged. She had put me there. As her guest. An act of kindness for a woman who was homeless and jobless.
Have I fooled myself into thinking I could have shared Lisa's bed forever?
Drawing the curtains blocking away the bright lights and sky-scraping architecture, I couldn't help but give myself a reminder that the time spent with her was nothing more than a fantasy as the holes of reality started to make itself known. It was Lisa's empire and I was just her guest. Why would she leave a lavish party to nurse her mistress for that was who I became to her. I may have shared her bed but I would never obtain Lisa's heart, regardless of what Rosé tells me.
Lisa was always upfront about her feelings and actions. Love and lust was never the same. I loved her but all she did in return was lust after me. It was I who lied to myself into thinking and believing differently. The saying 'as you make your bed so you shall lie' came to me. As I thought of my mother's reaction if she knew, guilt and shame settled into the deep pits of my stomach.
My mother may not have blessed me with ridiculously expensive gifts but she blessed me with values, love and dignity. I felt like I had disappointed her. I am pregnant and living for free with a person who did not believe in love and marriage. Lisa did not want the happily ever after, that ended many fairy-tale stories which my mother had recited to me as a child. The same stories I would soon be reciting to my child. Lisa was a monarch who would rule her castle alone. I could cry no more. My face sticky with tears I closed my tired swollen eye lids and fell into a restless sleep.
